Ben drowned x Jeff the killer

Who am I?

(Jeff's P.O.V)
   My mind has been racing since leaving Ben's apartment. I've always liked girls. I LIKE GIRLS. So why... why did I sleep with him. Why did I claim him. I felt like I was running because of who out of breath I was. My heart was slamming against my chest. My blood was racing. And I can't talk to anyone not right now. I was just so mad and I sent those messages in the group chat. I was clenching my fists so tightly my knuckles turned white. I needed to calm down but, I had so much adrenaline coursing through my veins.
    How did I fuck a guy? How did I sleep with my best friend? How did I not know he was an omega? All these questions ran through my mind and I knew I wouldn't know anytime soon. And then as if a cold bucket of water had been dumped over my head another question flooded my mind. Am I gay? I've always like girls. I'd only slept with one girl while I was drunk. It wasn't nearly as satisfying as how I felt waking up next to Ben before the rage had entered my system.
Google search: Am I gay
Results 10990
I looked through all these articles from google and still couldn't tell if I was gay or not. I even tried to take those quizzes but had no idea how I would even answer a single one of the questions. Then I came upon this quora question where someone had the same question. The first answer said something I'd never really thought about. Porn. I had never been interested in watching it and so I'd never indulged.
I decided to give it a try and no one would ever know. Even knowing that no one was watching or would know my hands were trembling as I went to the private browser and typed Gay Porn. All these videos popped up and I could feel the blood rushing to my face as I scrolled through to find a video that would possibly peak my interest. Broad stud pounds petite blonde twink. The thumbnail caught my attention and I watched the five second clip that it showed people who may want to watch the video. I swallowed my breath as I clicked on the video. The first few seconds are just setting up the scene and, then this petite blonde man walks on and grabs my attention. I feel my pants tighten. I decided to fast forward to the real "stuff". Then the blonde is on his back moaning as the stud is prepping him. I don't even think as I begin to rub my cock through my boxers before taking it out of it's confinement. I begin to stroke myself as the stud enters the petite blonde and the blonde moans just do something for me that I'd never in the right state of mind experienced. This primal urge to cum. I stroked myself at the pace the men had set for themselves going faster as they did. Until I felt this coil in the pit of my stomach that came undone as I did. Spilling into my hand. I felt satiated as caught my breath. I liked watching them. This was all so confusing. I felt something other than the rage come back this- this fear. I had been so cruel to Ben because I freaked out and I still don't know.
This is so hard. I don't know what or who I am. Am I gay? Am I straight? Am I Bi? Who am I? What does all this mean? How can I apologize to Ben for all the awful things I said? I don't know what to think or do. I cleaned myself up from my endeavor.. and I just began to think of all these possibilities of where I go from here. I know I don't want to lose Ben. He's always been a great person to go to when I need to vent. He's always been the person I always knew I'd have fun with. Why did I have to sleep with my best friend? Of all people why him? This is all so complicated