Señorita

~The Wreaked Soul~

Shawn's P.O.V.

Have you ever felt like you were living but you feel like you are not? It’s like you’re alive but you no longer feel anything, you can’t seem to feel the happiness, even that small vibration of emotion that were cursing through my veins suddenly turned very faint leaving you very numb and distant. At this point that was what was running in my head over and over again, I feel like I was no longer human, no longer normal and that something was seemingly wrong with me in the inside or I must’ve been probably broken…

Blood were dripping down on the tiled floor, marks of shattered glasses were scattered all around just as some of those shards were also pierced on my palm. The red slightly viscous liquid silently flows down my palm to my fingers and finally to the floor where almost a pool of them lies, no matter how slightly satisfying that color was I couldn’t even help myself to do anything but just simply look. The small smile I wanted to show just to assure myself and even the people around me that I am not broken and I would never be. But it was seemingly trapped in the deepest part of my soul, all my emotions were in complete haywire, they were lost. They were gone.

Empty bottles were scattered everywhere all over the house, everything was a mess, I was a mess and I admit that I couldn’t even do anything to make everything seem as if it was okay even though I keep trying to make it look like that. I probably wouldn’t have gone this far if Connor wasn’t here with me to take care of me and all. I can imagine how much he probably was grumbling and cursing all over me just as he picks up all the bottles, shattered or not and cleaning up my room for me. It probably was such a wonderful sight after all my sideline hobby is watching him get annoyed by his one and only older brother, me…

No matter how many times I try to smile, I know I couldn’t because I was already broken. No matter how many times I try denying it over and over again, I know, I admit that I already an not the Shawn whom everyone knows. I am a different man…

I am a monster.

"Shawn until when will you stop drinking? You haven't eaten anything for today. Are you just waiting for your body to shut down and be hooked up with the IV again?" My thoughts were slightly shattered the minute I heard my sister’s worried voice echoing in my ear. I opened my eyes to look at her glassy and worried ones, she was close to breaking down just as her hands was touching my shoulder and trying to get the last bottle that I was still trying to devour.

It pains me to see that my sister is also having a hard time seeing me like this. I know how easily sensitive she can be especially when it comes to me, it’ll only take her a second before she breaks down but I know that she’s trying to keep up a strong front for me. She’d often search for me and crash in my arms whenever she cries, mumbling her worries on my chest as I hug her closer just to make her feel protected. For several years that was what we always do, I would always be the big brother she needed, the one who would do everything in order to protect her and assure that everything would be fine. It was what we usually do, just like what I did with Camila…

But what have I done? I only hurt her in the cruelest way possible and that keeps breaking my heart whenever I think about her…

I hurt the woman whom I vowed to protect… I hurt her to protect her…

"Just go Aaliyah, I'm fine" I slightly pushed her aside, pulling myself up on my feet and trying to stand up but my vision were far too blurred and spinning. I had no idea when this weakness feeling started to overwhelm me but I know that I’ve been like this for more than a week and a half now ever since she was gone…

She was gone… I chuckled slightly, thinking of how she possibly might’ve been living her life happily there unlike when she was here. She’s probably having her best time of her life now that she’s back in the comfort of her family’s house and where she feels home… She’s back home, that’s what matters more…