Deception

Chapter 7

It has been almost a week since Harry and I have started fake dating and not much has changed other than the fact that my mother has taken to consistently reassuring me that it's okay for Harry to come over more or vice versa and while he's over we shouldn't shy away from each other now that they know. And while the thought and encouragement is greatly appreciated it's only stressed me out. I've been sort of worried that the reason she's so persistent is that she and my father don't believe me. Harry of course disagrees. He just thinks that she's trying to push me to be happier and make sure that I'm aware of her support. And his reasoning isn't far fetched or crazy, I'm just a paranoid bastard.

And so I continuously try to remind myself of what Harry told me a couple of nights ago when I was stressing to him my worries: "Stop trying to constantly sabotage yourself. The more you fixate on what you think is wrong or will go wrong will just lead you to disaster. Stop. Breathe. And move on." All in all, it was solid advice but it's definitely easier said than done. That leads me to where I am tonight. I've taken up muggle yoga, a practice Harry introduced to me. He gave me books he found at a muggle book shop in muggle London with Remus and he said that he thought I would enjoy it. And as much as I hate to say Harry's right, I do enjoy it. It reminds me of occlumency mixed with stretching and they work quite well together from what I've seen so far. There's a lot of different positions you can hold and some seem silly but they get to be rather fun when you're not so focused on whether or not you look like a fool.

Thinking of Harry's gift to me lead me to remember his birthday that is fastly approaching. In nine days Harry will be 17, an adult in the eyes of the wizarding world. He wanted something big enough that all his friends and family could be there, celebrating more than just a birthday, but a start to a new year not poisoned by Voldemort's presence. A year that Harry can finally take back as his own without fear. It's a birthday to Harry that symbolizes freedom and peace. I want to make this birthday special for Harry, I want him to embrace who he has become and start to finally love and care for himself like he's always pushing others to do.

Thinking of a gift for Harry is only somewhat difficult. I have an idea for what to get him for part of his gift, but the other is still a mystery to me. I could try to find more medical texts, or maybe I could find some rare potions ingredients for some of his healing potions. Maybe while I go to purchase Harry's first gift I can look around Diagon Alley to get some ideas for his second gift.

One thing I had not anticipated was celebrating Harry's birthday as his fake boyfriend and not as his best friend. I suddenly felt remorse, not for the first time since dragging Harry into my charade. As much as he says that it doesn't bother him and that it's a small favor compared to what I've done for him I still can't help but feel regretful and awful for putting him in this position. My developing feelings for Harry make me feel guilty as well, and as much as I hate to admit it, satisfied and pleased that Harry is going along with this charade because it gives me just a taste as to what could have been in a different universe.

We'll have to discuss if anyone should know the truth of our "dating" and even though he said we should see how it goes, I seriously think we should decide just when and how we will end things. The sooner Harry is free from this the better. I'd hate to be the reason he can't get a girlfriend, especially if this goes into our seventh year and girls see that we're "together", they're going to think he's gay and that doesn't help a straight male pull in any ladies.

With all this in mind, I cease my yoga and instead search for a quill and a piece of parchment. On it, I title the page To-Do List and begin listing items down each with their own individual checkbox. Buy Harry present #1, Find Harry present #2, Talk to Harry about details regarding our "relationship", Make sure Dipsy has the items to make treacle tart for Harry's birthday, Make Harry Treacle Tart, Ask Mother if I need a haircut, Buy new ink. It sounds like a relatively complete list and I don't think I've forgotten a single thing, which makes me content. One thing I've always loved to do is write lists. Harry hates it sometimes but it's something that keeps me organized and keeps me from losing my head.