My face hit the water and instantly, the freezing temperature pumped my adrenaline and hit me by surprise. I wasn't sure what I had said to my dad that caused him to push me into the water but apparently it was bad enough that he didn't want to be around me anymore.
Typical.
As I resurfaced, the taste of salt water was strong on my lips. I struggled to keep my head above water and I attempted to keep myself afloat the best I could but it was getting harder as I tired myself out. I frantically looked for our boat and as I reached for my dad's hand, I saw a glint in his eyes. I knew he was contemplating on leaving me here. In the middle of the ocean. With little knowledge on how to swim.
Just as I thought this was going to be the end, he grabbed me by my hand and pulled me out of the water. I toppled over the side of the boat and slid across the floor. After that, I didn't move. I didn't attempt to get up and I didn't even stretch out. I curled up and just laid there, soaking wet and cold as my dad drove us to the shore.
I'm woken up by heavy breathing and instantly I knew it was Mandy. As my nightmares got worse, so did her's. This was the routine. Her nightmare would wake me out of mine.
I sat up and tried to shake her away. Her whole body flinched from my touch. But I needed to wake her up before it got any worse. When her eyes flew open, her mouth let out a scream. When recognition kicked in as she looked at me, her arms flew around me. She instantly began to cry into my chest and I pulled her close.
"Was it the same thing?" When I asked this, she responded only with a nod.
Ever since the accident with Brian, she's had a nightmare almost every night. And it's always the same dream, making her relive the terror of that man. She still hasn't told me any details and I'm scared of what holding something like that in might do to her. After her crying slows, I voice my opinion.
"Mandy, I know you don't want to talk about it with me, and that's perfectly okay. But you should talk to someone. Maybe a therapist. It might help with the nightmares." I was only saying this because it was the same for me. I didn't want to talk to anyone about my childhood. Clara suggested I see a therapist when my nightmares got really bad and were waking her and Max up in the middle of the night. When I finally caved and went, it felt easy to talk to someone about it. Especially since a therapist cannot judge you for what you say or think. They simply suggest. My nightmares got better even if they didn't go away fully. But at least they were manageable.
And it was breaking my heart that the strongest person I know was falling apart in my arms.
She shook her head. "No, I don't want to talk to a stranger about this."
"Mandy, its been two months and it's only getting worse. You have to talk to somebody." I sigh and pull her face up to meet my eyes. "I will never understand the pain you're going through but I do know pain, even if it's different from yours."
Her lips press together and she gulps as she closes her eyes. I wipe away the tears as they fall. "The first time wasn't in that building." I stay silent, waiting for her to continue. "It was about 2 years ago, around 5 months into our relationship. H-he had a bad day at work and came home angry. As soon as he walked in the door, I knew something was off. I was sitting on the couch on my phone. He walked right up and threw my phone against a wall and broke it. Then he, uh, took my clothes off even though I told him to slow down. When I told him to stop, it only made him angrier. He forced himself onto me that night."
"Baby, I'm so sorry." My voice was soft and as I looked at her, my heart shattered. She looked so damaged. And it was partially my fault.
"The next morning he apologized a lot. I had bruises everywhere. He wanted to make it up to me so he took me to get a new phone and then out to dinner. Except he got really drunk at dinner and did it again that night. I didn't know what to do. I thought I could help him." She cried as she spoke and I wiped away every single tear. But I didn't say anything more. This was her time to let everything out. "He had already begun to hit me before that, about 3 months into our relationship. Ian, I was so lost. And I kept having dreams of you and it was making it worse because I would say your name in my sleep. He did not like that." Guilt washed over me as she said this. I know this wasn't exactly my fault, but it was my dad's. She would've never suffered this if I had never known her and had her involved in my childhood mess.
"Mandy, he will never hurt you again. Not as long as I'm around." She gives me an unconfident smile and leans her head against my chest again.
"Tell me a story about you. Your childhood. If you don't mind, of course." I think to myself for a moment.
"Well when Max was being born, they left me at home. I was only 13 at the time and was home alone for three days while they were at the hospital. When they got home, I was passed out. I hadn't eaten in those three days because I just didn't want to. I didn't want to get out of bed. It hurt to. Because the day before my mom went into labor, my dad beat me because I didn't finish cleaning my room. I didn't even meet Max until she was already 1. They kept us separate all the time because they didn't want me to hurt Max. Which was bullshit because they ended up being the ones hurting her. I hated it when they hurt her. I would literally beg them to hit me instead and that it was my fault. Most of the time, they would. But sometimes they would hit her. And that would hurt me more than when he would hit me." She listens intently, running her thumb along my chest.
"Did he only hit you?" I shake my head at her question before explaining further.
"He would put my head in the toilet a lot. And a couple times he hit me with a baseball bat. He abused me pretty much every day. I got used to it and it didn't bother me quite as much as it should've. But I don't regret not leaving sooner. I was able to get Max out of there and put them in jail."
"Is that why you started working in social service?" She asks and I nod. "That's honestly really great of you, Ian. You're helping kids in a way that no one was able to help you. I'm proud of you."
I smile, pushing her hair out of her face. "Thank you, baby." I lean down and press a light kiss to her lips. She smiles up at me as I pull away. We lay back down, cuddling against each other and getting comfortable. She sighs after a moment.
"Do you think I will ever be over what happened with Brian?"
I take my time to think over my answer before speaking. "Yeah. I don't think you are ever going to forget but you will get over it. Someday it wont bother you as much. You won't feel his hands on you as prominently anymore. You wont have as many nightmares. And for that whole process, I am going to be here. For every nightmare. And for every breakdown. I'll be here to bring you back to me. Because you are my Amanda. Not his. And I'll be damned before I let him take over your life even after he's in prison." She's silent for a long time.
I imagine the look on her face. The way her eyes crinkle when she smiles and the dip in her brows. "I love you."
A smile stretches across my face. "I love you too, Mandy."
CITEȘTI
Blind Fate
Ficțiune adolescențiIan Mitchell seemed to be average. He seemed to have himself and his life put together. Until him and his girlfriend were in a horrific car accident. He fell off the wagon, looking like he would never recover. When obstacles are put in his way, he's...
