Tiger Lillies (TodoDeku) (Depressed Deku)

Part 8

It was almost an hour after we all ate. Ochaco made some delicious rotisserie chicken with a side of home made mac and cheese. These were both leftover from the restaurant, but hey, I wasnt complaining. "Hey Deku?" I hummed in response to Uraraka. "Have you talked to Todoroki yet?" I shook my head, "All I did was send a text telling him to make sure the cat is fed. But I havent actually talked to him. I talked with All-Might today and we decided I should talk with him face to face after work tomorrow though." She nodded and Asui spoke, "so after work should I drop you off back at your house, ribbit?" "Yes please. But be prepared just in case I have to call and ask to stay another night." "Of course." With that we finally chose something to watch. It was on YouTube, but it was a full season to an anime called 'Given'. (A/N if you havent seen it, WATCH! IT! And I recommend binge watching the whole season at once. It literally made me cry so much, especially episode 9. Just, watch it.) It was about a guy named Mafuyu who apparently wants to learn how to play a guitar from a guy named Uenoyama. He has never played guitar before and knows absolutely nothing about it, but he has definite motives as to why he wants to play it so bad (that get told later in the show). Mafuyu eventually joins Uenoyama's band as the vocalist and there are a lot of other things and backstories and it's supposed to be great. Apparently, as I saw once while scrolling through Instagram, Mafuyu and Uenoyama are shipped together, and I guess I'll find out why. Asui and Uraraka were all snuggled up on one couch as I sat on the other, under a thin blanket. "Ready?" Tsuyu asked, recieving a nod from both Uraraka and I as she hit play. And so it began.
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I'm
Fucking
Devastated.
There is no season 2! It stopped right there! At that! Dont get me wrong, most things were wrapped up, but some weren't and I have so many questions! Apparently a movie sequel was supposed to be released on May 16th, but due to complications (cough cough corona) it will be released at a further date. I couldn't wait. I was ugly crying as was Uraraka and Asui just wiped a few tears. It was such a powerful and deeply touching anime. I know why Mafuyu and Uenoyama are shipped together, haha. But Mafuyu's song in episode 9? I cried so much I couldn't see. It was quite refreshing to cry over something besides depression and stuff. "I-I- oh shit! We have to go to bed! It's so late!" I checked the time. Indeed it was late. 1 in the morning. Actually, it wasn't that late, but we all had work in the morning. "I'm going to take a quick shower, if you dont mind," I said, standing up and grabbing my bag. They gave me the okay and i went into the bathroom, immediately turning on the shower. Dont look at yourself. Dont look at yourself. I avoided the mirror and stripped, getting in the shower. When I was done with the shower, I dried off a bit with a towel. And then I did what I tried not to do. I looked in the mirror. I put on my clothes as quick as possible but still, my mind went back to the mirror. Ugly bitch. Stop it. Fat cow. Stop. You obese piece of shit. ENOUGH! I cant take it anymore. Fuck it. Todoroki is already mad at me, what the hell would it matter if I did more? I pull a box from my bag and grab out a blade, the one I used yesterday. I sat on the ground, holding my wrist infront of me. And then... sweet release. I gasped a little with excitement as, honestly, I didnt feel much pain with the first slice. Once I began I didnt stop. 1. 2. 3. I deserved it all. I drove everyone away that I cared about. Nobody would ever love me. 4. 5. 6. I loved Bakugo and look at what happened. I was never enough and so he found someone new. Someone better. 7. 8. 9. I failed at trying to kill myself, yet again. How many times until I finally got it right!? 10. 11. 12. I should have died that day. Todoroki should have never been there. 13. 14. 15. Of course I failed at dying, I fail at everything. 16. 17. 18. I am worthless. I am so useless. I cant do anything right and that's why everybody leaves me. It's my fault. 19. 20. 21. I'm so broken, nobody can fix me. 22. 23. 24. I want to die. I want to fucking die. 25. 26. 27. Todoroki only pitied me. He didnt actually want me. He was just happy he could use me as a sex toy. That's all I was good for, if I was even good for that. 28. 29. 30. But... despite what I just thought, he seemingly does care for me. He made sure I ate. He gave me a place to stay. He protected me from Bakugo. I held the blade in my hand, away from my dripping wrist. Maybe he did care for me? No. He only pities you. You are a burden to him and he got stuck with you. That is the ONLY reason he puts up with you. I mean, how could he still want to put up with me? Here I was, doing the one thing I told him I wouldn't do. I'm so pathetic. 31. 32. 33. 34. 35. 36- ow fuck! That's a bit deep! Shit! Shit shit! This is not how I want to die! Throwing myself off a cliff, maybe. A noose? Possibly. But not by slitting my wrists in my friend's bathroom. I quickly got up, feeling a little dizzy and found a washcloth. I ran it under warm water and ringed it out, holding it to the spot where I cut to deep, and applied pressure. I felt more dizzy and more dizzy by the second, but I needed to stay up. I need to relax and pull it together. If I die it will be on MY terms. I ransacked my bag and ahah! There it is! I grabbed the gauze wrap and removed the washcloth from my arm, it bleeding only a little. I quickly wrapped the gauze wrap around my arm, tightly. I then wrapped an ace bandage around that for good measure. There. Hopefully that would stop it from bleeding through my clothes and on the couch. As for the rest of my arm? I already wiped it a bit with the washcloth and the other places had stopped bleeding. They should be fine. I wiped up the counter and floor a bit, removing any evidence on what I've just done. I also wiped off the blade and stuck it back in my bag. I was wearing black basketball shorts and a red tank top. Over top of it I wore my All-Might hoodie, the one that wasnt ripped. I then grabbed all my things and went back out to the living room. Tsuyu and Ochaco aren't there. I must've taken too long. They were probably off to bed already. I fell onto the couch, throwing my bag next to me. Hopefully that wasnt too loud if the girls were already asleep. I should probably check my messages before I go to sleep, just to not have that many to read in the morning, if any at all. Only some from Bakugo and Todoroki. I opened Bakugo's first.

Kacchan: Izuku, hey...
Kacchan: I know we arent on talking terms and that is completely my fault.
Kacchan: I've been a wreck since you've left, drinking and all.
Kacchan: About that night at the club, I am so so so sorry.
Kacchan: I should have never done that.
Kacchan: I should never have cheated on you in the first place.
Kacchan: You didnt do anything wrong. You were always there for me no matter what. You always helped me and believed in me when no one else did. You were perfect. I just, I dont know.
Kacchan: I lost feelings for you a few weeks ago and I came to terms with it.
Kacchan: I also came to terms with the fact that I liked Kirishima.
Kacchan: I know I hurt you and I wish I could've sat down and talked to you and gotten divorced before I did anything with Kirishima but that's just not how things played out.
Kacchan: I know you have mental issues and I hope you didnt do anything, although I know you probably did.
Kacchan: Ill be seeing you in a few days with Mr.Aizawa and All-Might.
Kacchan: I heard Iida would also be there, as your lawyer.
Kacchan: I'm truly sorry for the way things went down and I promise that when we have to talk that I will be 100 percent sober and I wont try anything.
Kacchan: You're a really great person.
Kacchan: See you then...

God. As much as I hated what happened, I didn't hate him. Not one bit. I know I'm too forgiving and that's a bad trait of mine but honestly, I forgive him. He meant to sit down with me and talk about his feelings he just never did. I wish he had before hand. True, it would have still hurt, but I'd understand. I sighed. Until then... Next I opened Todoroki's few messages. I didnt want to, but I had to.

Shoto: Izuku, I'm really really sorry. I miss you, a lot. I should have never yelled at you or stormed out. I'm making sure Ares is fed and cared for, so dont worry. But please, come back soon. We can talk about this. And make up.
Shoto: I truly do like you Izuku. I promise you that. It wasn't just the wine that caused all the actions. It was my brain too. I wasnt using you or anything, by the way. I have deep feelings for you. Ones that I've had since UA.
Shoto: I hope you're safe. I miss you so much. Please, take care of yourself. But know I am here, waiting for you, whenever you're ready.
Shoto: I've waited a decade for you, what's a little longer?
Shoto: Stay safe. I miss you. Goodbye❤

Oh Shoto. I felt really bad. As much as I was hurting, he probably was too. I hate being a hypocrite but I really hope he didnt self-harm in any way. I care about him so much. Not that I'd ever let anyone know, but I did kind of have a thing for him back at UA for a while, but then came Kacchan. I'm glad he is feeding Ares. Should I text him back? Tell him I'll be home tomorrow? Wait a minute. Home. His house, our house. It wasnt just a house or a place I resigned at. It was home. No, home wasnt the house. Damn it, home was him. I really couldn't wait for tomorrow when we got things sorted out. I will never leave again. He means so much to me. I'd do anything for him. All these feelings, it's are almost like they're new but they're not. They're the same feelings I had at UA and pushed aside for Kacchan. These, were my true feelings, simply coming back. Without Kacchan, it was him. He was my everything now. Not a damn thing in that house compared to him. He was my family now. Him and Ares, our cat. I pulled a blanket over and and rolled to face the back of the couch, placing my head on a pillow. I missed him so much. I couldn't wait to go home. To be home, in his arms once more. Until tomorrow, I guess. I plugged my phone in and shut my eyes, drifting off to sleep. Until tomorrow.