Imagine

5. Splits

The rest of the week was very much uneventful and even my head was silent. It's not like I didn't think of anything at all, it's just that when I did I couldn't focus long enough to form actual pictures that could tell a story. The images just kept clashing and they end up making no sense to me. It was like having some kind of internal battle with no rules, no conditions, no criteria, no particular reward and for absolutely no reason.

Sometimes I actually believe I have split personalities because I'm pretty sure that in so many undocumented and uncountable occasions, I have had a full blown conversation with myself about a particular topic and I enjoyed it because of the so many opinions I came up with. So that could only mean that I have more that one personalities in my head, right?

Anyway, if I think about it very well and actually pay attention, I'm certain I will be able to list all of them and their characters.
There's the grumpy me which we all know is my default; there's annoyingly optimistic and philosophical me, unbearably innocent and childish me, always totally angry me, protective/motherly me and moody me. That should be all...

Grumpy me is my default, mainly because I love my privacy and personal space and it helps to keep people away from me even when I don't have a problem with them being around. So I'm guessing that this me does not come up with any images but it does the screening and selection of which will be prominent in my head depending on what the others bring forward. And this period of silence in my mind's eye could be that she's being grumpier than usual so nothing seems satisfactory to her... That's a good enough reason.

Annoyingly optimistic and philosophical me just does exactly as the name implies. She always has some quote or line to throw in during my exceptionally bad days so I'm thinking that whatever images she brings forward would always be happy all through or have some kinda silver lining at the end eventually. She's annoying because sometimes I just want to be sad without hearing anything optimistic.
Unbearably innocent and childish me, as the name implies is like a curious growing toddler, looking at random things with unnecessary interest, smiling at the weirdest occurrences and just being jumpy and excited. She's probably the part of me that makes me clumsy so much that I bump into people even as I'm looking at them or knock things over when I'm certain I could have avoided them or makes me slip and injure myself for no reason or just gets excited at the thought of learning something new (important or not). So whatever fantasy this one comes up with is definitely going to be amusing.

Totally angry me is a quiet me, more than usual, that only surfaces when something happens directly to me or I see something that reminds me of an incident that got me really mad. I try not to get angry, so lashing out physically or verbally is usually not my thing because the expression on my face plus my silence is always enough to pass across any message that needs to be passed. And I'm sure if anybody looks closely during those times, there'd be some kind of fire burning in my eyes that would make anyone shudder at the thought of feeling the heat it could bring. So I think it's fair to say that this part of me is not in any way invested in my fantasies.

Motherly me is my favourite next to grumpy. She's the part of me that makes me enjoy the company of people that seem younger than me even though they may not be and I know she's very good at her character. All my younger friends adore me regardless of how grumpy I appear or if we're having an actual conversation, they just enjoy being around me and the feeling is mutual. That's probably why the idea of kids always warm my heart. She's also the one that gets to take care of whatever mess clumsy me creates even if it gets her mad sometimes. So, whatever fantasy she comes up with is likely going to have a tinge of protectiveness to it ... Or not.

Moody me has got to be the most frustrating me to anyone on the receiving end. I mean when I look grumpy, you know that's my default appearance so nothing is wrong with me. But when I'm moody, I am a combination of all kinds of me, except maybe motherly me, at the exact same time but in different proportions. I'm very annoying, unwelcoming and super cold. I'm not very proud of this me but it's still me so I fully embrace it. I'm guessing whatever image this one comes up with is going to be pointless so it's probably her fault my mind has been silent.

'Hm, I think I just imagined myself having split personalities that actually take over my body in different circumstances and that is just weird, even for me. Next thing we know, I'd give them names'. I shuddered at the thought and tried to steer my mind away from it.

But all I could see was different versions of me with different facial expressions and different body language dancing around in front of me. I just groaned out loud.

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Is it just me or do you also have conversations in your head?