Phoenix of The Shield Hero

TheCrimsonFucker

          The meeting discussing the waves was just about what I expected, debating what strategies we should employ during the first wave. I, of course, suggested that we summon the Four Cardinal Heroes immediately to help fight them. However, I was told that it wouldn't be possible to do so before the wave.

          "Setting up an emergency meeting with the other countries, and discussing who gets to summon which hero isn't feasible in the one month we have before the first wave." Mirellia informed me. "At best, we'd end up summoning a hero less than a week before the first wave, and by then, they would barely have any time to prepare and would likely be killed."

          While this did explain why they waited until AFTER the first wave to summon the four heroes, there was something I had to ask. "Why wasn't something as important as this decided sooner?" I asked.

          "The waves of catastrophe only descend upon this land once every few hundred years." one of the advisers explained. "Having such a discussion back then for an event centuries into the future would be pointless."

          "That's what treaties are for. Signed agreements between countries that are to apply long into the future. You're telling me that one wasn't set in place regarding this topic for this EXACT eventuality that everyone knew would eventually happen?!"

          At this outburst, everyone at the table went wide eyed before putting their hands to their faces, even mother had her hand covering her eyes. At first I thought I'd said something stupid, but when I heard one of them say "How did no one think of this?" to themselves, I realized I wasn't the one they were facepalming at.

          In the end, it was decided that Mom would set up a meeting to discuss the four heroes with the other countries, and she was reassured that we could handle the first wave until the heroes were to be summoned. There was a bit of an uproar when Mirellia commented that she would negotiate for Melromarc to summon the heroes last, but it was mitigated somewhat when she pointed out that I would be able to handle the waves when the heroes couldn't come. That being said...

          "Mother," I said. "Isn't the dragon hourglass, needed to transport me to the site of the waves, located in the three heroes church?" Mom let out a long sigh. The church followers glared at me. "That's right, you're banned from entering aren't you." Phi said.

          "During this time of crisis, you will be allowed to enter the church. But only with a chaperone, and only to register for the waves." Mom said. You see, one of my hobbies since coming to this world as been fucking with the Three heroes church and its followers, including but not limited to the pope. After one instance where I painted a big "PRAISE THE SHIELD!" on the building, I was banned from setting foot on the premises.

          Of course, that didn't stop me from pranking them from afar, be it pulling my pranks just outside the premises, or paying others to prank them for me. One of my proudest moments was when a representative from SILTVELT patted me in the head when I was 15 after hearing about them.

          Back to the meeting, after declaring the temporary lift on the ban, there were a few objections from some of the church goers against letting me enter church grounds, but relented after being assured that I would be watched by her Ninja squadron. However, this lead to a new subject being brought up.

          "By the way," one of the church goers asked, "The Church has been having some trouble recently by an anonymous person known as 'TheCrimsonFucker.' you wouldn't happen to know anyone going by that name, would you?"

          "No, I don't." I replied. That was a lie, it was me, and everyone knew it.

          "Is that so?" The man said, mother was looking at me too. "I'm asking because this man has been a major concern for us lately. Over the last two years, this man has sent over 400 death threats to the pope, the latest one read as such."

"Dear, Chief Replacement.

          I have written this letter to inform you of your imminent demise. If you are wondering about the frequency of which I've sent these letters, it is merely to instill as much fear as I can. As if basting a turkey. Which I will then proceed to have sex with.

          That's right, I'm going to fuck the fear turkey.

          Enjoy your life while you can.

Sincerely, TheCrimsonFucker."

          "Sounds like someone with a lot of time on their hands." I said. At this, one of the other members of the church, who had been keeping quiet up until now, decided to speak up.

          "DON'T PLAY DUMB!!!" he shouted, slamming his hands on the table. "We all know it was you who sent this!" I looked at the man and sighed.

          "I figured you guys would blame me, but I didn't think you were going to be this brazen about it." I said. "But it WAS you." "shut up Phi." "Since you've so loudly voiced your accusation against the prince of Melromarc and Seven Star Hero, I assume you have a good amount of evidence against me." The man froze, clearly frustrated.

          "You've been playing these juvenile pranks against us for almost ten years! Do you expect us to believe that this wasn't you!" He shouted.

          "No, because you're stubborn like that." I replied.

          "So you're saying you didn't do this." the more reserved man said, with clear suspicion in his voice.

          "I'm saying you guys are to stubborn to convince." I said. But if you insist on me proving my innocence, I believe, on one occasion, I wrote several joke requests to you and your followers telling them to join the church of the shield hero. Perhaps you could compare the hand writing of these threats to that of the letters I wrote to your followers."

          "I'm afraid that won't prove anything." The quiet one replied. "Each letter written has different handwriting. This leads us to believe that TheCrimsonFucker is hiring several people to write these letters." "Oooh, gotcha!"

          "You mentioned that there have been over 400 of these threats sent. As you're aware, I've been traveling around Melromarc since I was 14, and while doing so, I've been away from the capital for several long periods of time. If these letters have been sent as often as you say they were, then many of them must overlap with the time I've been away, right?"

          The loud one clenched his teeth in frustration. But I continued. "In the end, though, it doesn't really matter. We can argue back and forth about my alibis or how I could have faked them all day long, but you can't say for a fact that it was me until you provide solid evidence to prove it."

          "Enough!" Mirellia said. "This meeting isn't to discuss my son's guilt or innocence regarding these letters. It's meant for us to discuss how to deal with the waves of destruction. I will talk to Matthew about it later, so I don't want to hear any more about his pranks, am I clear."

          "Yes, your highness." the two said, albeit begrudgingly.

          "Understood."

          The issue wasn't brought up again during that meeting.