Too Keen For Me

Chapter 36: Can't Go

I walked into Miles' apartment with a smile on my face. Today was Everly's birthday party and she thought Miles was out of town, but he wasn't. In fact, it was his idea to surprise her with a mini-concert in the backyard for her and her friends.

"Miles?" I asked as I heard him vomit.

He coughed as he came out of the bathroom, wiping his hands on his pants. He forced a pale and clammy smile. Looking at him, I knew he wasn't good enough to go anywhere.

"Hey."

"Hey. How are you?" I asked as I got a closer look at him.

"I don't think I can go to the party," he said and laid down on the couch. His eyes had such disappointment in them. But in his state, I accepted that much.

He looked up at the ceiling with a heavy sigh. It was as if something was going on in his mind he wasn't sharing.

"Miles, talk to me."

He shook his head. "It's just another MS relapse and the medication I'm on is still kicking my butt this time around." He reached for my hands and gave them a squeeze.

"Can I take you to the hospital?"

He smiled at me as he intertwined his fingers with mine. "No, let me sleep in my bed for the night. I'll text you tomorrow."

I sighed, not quite believing his words. Something deep within my mind told me there was something else going on. This was more than MS relapse but instead of pushing to answers, I stood up. "Ok. But text me if something changes."

He nodded. "Isla, did I ever tell you how much you mean to me?"

His words caused me to smile lightly. I loved hearing that from him. "And you mean so much to me." I grabbed his hands and sighed. Something wasn't right. Forget the party. I had to stay here with him. "Miles, please tell me what is going on."

He shook his head. "Nothing's going on that I can't handle. Enjoy Everly's birthday party. Tell her I wished I could come."

My phone buzzed. Mom needed me to get back. Maybe Miles would be alright. Maybe he did just need rest. I sighed with a nod. "Ok. But I'm coming here first thing tomorrow morning with food and movies."

He smiled lightly. "Ok," he said as he pushed himself up from the couch with some struggle. "See you later, Isla Ann Maas."

I returned the smile as I slipped my shoes on. The way he said my name sounded like wind chimes. I wondered if he knew what kind of effect he had on me. "See you around, Miles Kit Keen." And with that, I left his apartment, not bringing him with me to Everly's party.

What I found out the next day was Miles took his life. He didn't call for help, he just ended it just like that, alone in the night. I heard it happened quickly, but I still couldn't believe the man that popped up in my life so unexpectedly popped out of it just as unexpectedly.

For the following weeks, I was so pissed with myself, with him, with the world. I felt like I let him down and, in return, let myself down. There was so much I could have done. I should have forced him to the party, I should have at least forced him to tell me what was really on his mind that night. But instead, I left. I was the one that let Miles down. I was the terrible friend; I was the one that got out of the car; I was the one that walked away; I was the one that took forever to text back.

I didn't like Miles for his money, for his voice, or even talent. I liked Miles for being himself. He was my best friend. Miles taught me to live and let go, pushed me and taught me to push myself to be better. He taught me to laugh when I felt like crying and showed me, I could still miss someone and treasure their life.