A few hours later, we'd come down from our high. Colson lay asleep next to me in bed, while my mind kept racing. I can't believe that in the midst of a shrooms and orgasm high I'd let slip that I loved him. He hadn't said anything to that at the time. Instead he had fallen asleep right after that.
We weren't ready to admit feelings. It was all too soon. We'd only been whatever this is since a few days into quarantine. Sure we were friends before that, but that still doesn't justify the L word. We hadn't even really decided whatever this is. It might not even be a relationship then here I am already declaring my love for him.
He hadn't said anything. In fact, he pretended like he hadn't even heard me. Colson had instead started round two as if I hadn't said anything at all. After another round he fell asleep. Maybe he was just pretending to be asleep. He probably just wanted to avoid talking about it.
Colson wasn't one for romance or feelings. In fact, I can't remember him ever saying he had feelings for a girl before. He tells me that he likes me, that's one thing. That's a step I never thought that he would make. Now I felt like I was forcing this to become something more than it was.
I slipped out of bed quietly, hoping not to disturb the sleeping blonde. I pulled on some clothes, not caring if they matched or not. The clock read two am so there was a fifty fifty chance on someone else being awake. Going down to the kitchen, the house was eerily silent. Perhaps everyone had gone to bed already.
"Still tripping?" Mod's voice surprised me.
I jumped a bit. "No, came down a little while ago."
"Bad trip?" He asks, studying my face.
"An interesting one." I admit, grabbing a bottle of beer from the fridge.
I probably shouldn't be drinking this soon after coming down. It didn't matter though. I was hoping to find clarity in the bottom of a bottle, whether it be this one or the next. Drinking was always how I coped with shit. Perhaps that's just cause that's how everyone in my family deals with their problems.
"What happened?" Mod asks. "Don't worry, everyone else is in bed if you need to talk about it."
I go over to him, accepting his embrace. "I might've declared my love to Kells during sex."
His eyes widened. "Is that how you feel?"
"I've been in love with him for a year. Unrequited love, but love all the same." I admit. "He's not ready for that though. He just admitted that he likes me."
Mod pulls me into his arms, hugging me. "Oh, Sky. It was the drugs talking. That's what he'll think."
"What if he just pushes me away after this? You know he hates feelings, especially romantic ones." I sigh, chugging half the beer.
"Don't assume to know what he's thinking. If you keep focusing on how you think he feels, you'll never figure out how he actually feels. I'm not going to say you should talk to him about it, 'cause he might feel like he's being backed into a corner. Just take it one day at a time. Maybe no more shrooms for you." He advises. "Eventually, Kells will man up and tell you all of his feelings. He hates that shit though, you know this as well as I do. Give him a chance to come to terms with everything, then he'll come to you."
I finish the last of my beer, going to grab another. "Thanks for talking me through this shit."
"I'm always here for you, Sky." He grins at me. "Now let's go for a smoke."
We went out onto the patio. The cool LA night wind greeted us as soon as we stepped out. I lit a cigarette, breathing out the bad vibes. We chatted away about the trip. He told me what all Rook had been doing. Apparently he thought he the floor was lava at one point and kept climbing up on furniture.
Dom had gone to bed an hour after Rook had calmed down. Poor little Brit had been the one that Rook kept going after. There were plenty of pictures on Mod's phone of Rook trying to climb on top of Dom. My best friend would probably be sporting bruises from it in the morning.
Mod rolled a joint for us. I made him promise to get me one of his Hippie packs from his merch shop. He only laughed at that remind me that there was no way to get it back to Ireland safely. Then he went on to suggest that I spend some of my money to get an apartment over here in the States. Nothing too fancy. Just a place to stay when I'm over here.
It made sense. I spent a lot of time over here on tour, crashing with the guys when we got small breaks. A place of my own sounded quite nice. Especially if I wanted to work on getting a record deal of my own, LA would be the place to do it. Rates right now were low due to the Covid, so I could get something at a really good price. I made a mental note to start looking up places in the morning.
After an hour, Mod decided that it was time for him to head to bed. He suggested that I did the same before kissing my cheek and leaving me with my thoughts. I sat out there, lighting up another smoke. The sky was clear tonight allowing me to stare up at the stars.
This distraction was just what I needed. I drank a few more beers before heading off back to bed. Stripping back down all the way, I climbed underneath the covers. Colson was still fast asleep. He didn't move as I settled back down into the bed. I just laid there staring up at the ceiling, still unable to go back to sleep.
