My brothers best friend (South Park creek)

Chapter Seven

Craigs POV

He's so.......
Different.
Different to anyone I've ever met, I don't get how.
How can someone have such a light presence?

"I-I don't understand what happened to me." He looks so troubled.
His eyes wide, his lips almost trembling as he rocks himself while I watch from my bed.

He's sat on the floor although I did offer for him to sit on the bed with me, I guess he felt uncomfortable in a way.
I don't remember saying it suggestively I mean.....
Wait, why is that thought even crossing my mind?!

He's a guy!
I'm a guy!
I'm not g.....
Fuck off that thought is not going to enter my brain.
No way in hell.

But why are you so afraid of it?

Afraid of what?!

That one simple word, that label. It's not like you're branding yourself with it so what's the problem?
Cmon Craig enlighten me! What. Is. The. Problem?

I don't fucking know, why do I talk to myself like this?
It's a mental conflict isn't it.
Fucking annoying.

But I'm not scared of that word........

I'm not!

Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.
See I'm not scared of it!

IM FUCKING PETRIFIED OK!

I can feel a shiver run down my spine.

This is terrible.
I look back over at Tweek to notice him staring at me.

"Are you ok?" He asks looking less concerned about himself and more concentrated on me.

"I-I.....I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

"I don't?"

"Nope you basically just broke down right in front of me in complete silence which I didn't think was possible." He chuckles lightly.

"I guess I just got a lot going on in here." I tap my finger on my head.

"Guess you could say I have quite the understanding of that."

"You do?"

"I'm a teenager with ADHD and anxiety," he shrugs. I smile sympathetically, this guy must be pretty strong to be able to say that In such a way.

"I just don't feel like I know myself anymore, in fact I never have. I'm confused, it's like I'm lost." I don't even realise what I'm saying.

I never talk about my feelings ever.

I mean it's not necessarily that I don't want to, it's that fact that no one listens.
No one wants to hear about my thoughts or at least that's what I tell myself.
I suppose I've always been that way even back in 6th grade.

I don't think I ever really developed an understanding of the meaning behind emotions.
They were just there, hidden deep down.

Don't ask don't tell.

Simple, easy, manageable.

But then I suppose keeping everything buried so deep is kind of painful in a way.
No one could see it or notice it but I've never been okay.
I'm not okay!
No song reference intended.

I'm broken, and even if I try to act like I've got everything in order I haven't.
I haven't and I never will.

I take a deep breath but it's shaky and weird.

"That which is lost is never really lost."

"That sounds poetic."

"Nah I just said it like that to make something off the top of my head sound more deep than it is." He chuckles.
"The point is that feeling lost isn't really feeling lost since you can't lose what you didn't know you had. Can't lose yourself if you don't know yourself dumb ass."

I think for a moment trying to properly understand what he said.

"Now that I think about it that doesn't make a lot of sense it's dumb." He suddenly sounds quite embarrassed looking away awkwardly.
I slide off the bed sitting next to him.

"Not stupid, likewise actually. Who knew a little smart ass like you could be helpful."

"Ehem I am not a smart ass thank you very much." He crosses his arms.

I ruffle his hair as he shews my hand away.

I'm still thinking about what he said.
If I didn't know myself then I need to.....
Work out what it is I am.
I need to be what I want to be rather than what my family wants me to be.
I'm already successful, I live in this house which by the way I probably could've brought by myself.

But you know since Michael liked the house too and we are bros we came to an agreement, split the cost and be the owners of a fucking play boy house.

But those dreams kinda died with time and a strike from reality.
I mean cmon who doesn't want a play boy house at the age of 19.

Name one person.

Exactly.

They were all the range back in the day, but now it's like no one has a proper house for that shit.
You go to the club, a couple drinks and ding ding ding you're sure to come home with something.

Anything!

Although nowadays I don't think I'll ever be in that position.

IM NOT A VIRGIN!

NO NO NO.

I've messed around, I've scored, I've had a taste of the cake if you get what I mean.......
Yeah!

I soon notice that Tweek has fallen asleep.
Awwww he looks so peaceful.

If I couldn't hear Michael and Kevin basically fucking on the way to the actual room maybe I'd be able to admire the sight.....

Without any gross thoughts about him.
Well ok not gross but like disturbing I suppose.

Never mind!

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