The Great Sacrifice

Chapter Seventeen

        Daphne laughed as we took the photos, she had such a natural beauty that all her shots where perfect her grandmother watched from on far. The pictures came out almost to natural and  it was my favorite part of the week. The headlines was going to have a hard time putting this one in the headlines from Damian’s sweet overnight visit to my hotel to break up that pended due to Daphne's mother return which according to Daphne isn't true. That was her second Cousin who came to check on her grandmother. Though she did favor her I did not believe it, and of course all the talk about my father's own pending wedding. I was a hot topic these days.
      We had been shooting for almost five hours and Daphne was getting bored. "Okay why don't we do some solo photos, Laklynn?" Asked the photographer, Jameson. I nodded, tapping Daphne who sighed, "We've been doing this all day". I laughed, "It pretty grueling work". "We have to more outfits but they are night outfits and I want them shot outside like the ones we did earlier" Jameson said. I looked at Daphne who was looking at me, "How do people do this" she complained. I laughed, "Get some water" Greta was on the side and took her. Jameson looked me over, "Okay lets try some sexy poses more serious". I nodded understanding. Paul's dress I was currently wearing was made of red roses and had a tan lace was that so thin it was almost invisible, my hair was part down the middle and with big curls. I tried to give him the shots he wanted. "Okay I think some couple shots will be good" "I thought the theme was mother daughter" Damian’s voice was loud and thunder like making everyone jump. "Mr. Abella" Jameson said touching his fingers to his lips. "You startled me". "I See that, but that doesn't answer my question" Damian said. I picked my dress up and stood, with the help of one of the assistance. "Emboding motherhood and the life of a mother is more than just her and her child" I said for a silent Jameson. He nodded quickly, "Exactly". Damian was silent as he thought, "I'll do it then". I was even shocked then.
    He refused makeup but other than that he complied with all Jameson suggestions. The black suite fit him perfectly he didn't wear a shirt and I blushed at the scratches on his bare hard chest. I had wondered when he had time to develop such a tone body. I looked away, waited for Jameson to position us the first shot was just me holding his hand from afar looking in the distant. Slowly the poses brought us closer and closer until his lips was littler touching mine.
         "Last one here and outfit change and we head outside with the girl" Jameson said. I noddded stepping back not looking at Damian. "This is what you do all day" he muttered. I covered my mouth so he would see he laughing. Turning away I allowed my makeup to be touched up. Laying my flat my dress was hike up to my knee and Damian was place on his knees, between my legs his hand touch my bare thigh under my dress and he laid over me the  pose was so sexual I was glad Daphne was done.
      After it was over I changed into a white dress that was covered in white orchids, it was flowing like the Greek dress that go over the shoulder. It was perfect.  I actually really loved it, my breath was taking seeing Daphne he hair covered in the white Spanish flower what one of the lady's told me . My hair had been braided and was covered in lillys. Out side was a bend and we crossed our legs and sat there's laid in the grass for a few. Damian came out in a similar suite as before except all white this time. "SO, originally the male face was going to be darken out for this shot but since we have the real father we going to mix it up" it too a full hour for us to finish and by the end Daphne did not want to be a model.
      Walking out Damian carrying her, I laughed pulling my coat closer pushing off the awkwardness of the shoot, "Its pretty warm out" Damian commented, "Yes, I just been feeling chilled lately" I answered, not meeting his eyes. "You catch a cold?" He ask, his voice was deep. "I suppose" I smiled at Greta and waved,  "I'm going to catch a cab". "Nonsense" Greta said. "Oh, I insist. Say goodbye to Daphne for me. I don't think I'll get to see her before she leave" I wouldn't. I made it up in my mind recalling the shot.
      "Have a good life Damian. Greta it was a pleasure"I nodded and left. Life was like that ripping off band aids made it stung less. The shot had been to much, being so close and having vision of a life I couldn't live.
     I worked hard and harder. I lost weight  and I stressed by the time the world stopped spinning for me, I stood holding a boca tightly and all I kept hearing was, "The most beautiful bride". "Never seen such a pretty bride" "Luckiest groom in the world". My stomach launch at every compliment, and I kept myself from tossing the flowers and screaming. I breath heavily and audibly, but no one notice. The wedding was beautiful and the gowns was spectacular, as I walked down the isle I leaned on my father. I had made so many walks down runways I was surprised that instinct did not kick in. However, they didn't and I felt like I was being dragged the entire walk. "Your doing great" Dad said patting my hand once we reached the priest. Looking back it hadn't been that far but I wanted to faint. I couldn't smiled, but I leaned in kissing his cheek, "I love you". "I Love you, Laker" My eyes narrowed but he laughed and squeezed my hand tightly before letting go. I looked up Do you see this mom? I dab my eyes and step back, The wedding proceeded and then there was vows, and then there was a reception.
         Holding the mike I looked out at the audience everyone looked nervous and the photographers looked like they would get a scoop. "MY father asked me to say something, and I questioned  him on why he would take such a risk on what is to be the bride's  beat day ever. He said, Because he wanted to hear my truth. My truth...I hear so many rumors about myself I barely know my own truth" Looking over at my dad I smiled. "Then I thought of all the times now my father has stood beside me, clean me up, and told me It was okay. I never knew that meaning but now I know it means its okay to quit, it okay to try again, its okay to be tired, it okay not to know and its okay for me to marry someone else. Its because his being by my side doesn't change, Its okay because the standing happened, it okay because the cleaning happened, and it is okay because he is still here. So a toast to this marriage being okay by me. I love you, Daddy, more than anyone To the groom and bride Mayner" I smiled, tipping back my glass of sparkling water as the champagne was to many calories.
      The round of applause was loud and I stepped down my dad took my hand pulled me close. "Thank you, Laklynn" his lips pressed my cheek and I stepped back. Gabrielle Mayner stepped forward and before she could come close I stuck my hand out. She looked at my dad and shook, she looked disappointed, but pleased all the same. Then she and my father took to the floor. After me and my father's dance I left.
     Getting in the elevator I road it up to my door as I had done many nights.  I pulled open the door and sunk under the covers. It had been to long of a day.
      Closing my eyes, 'Your pregnant" the doctor said as I sat on the cold chair. I nodded gripping my hands, "What are my options". The doctor was silent than he scooted closer, he sighed. "Well there is adoption or abortion". Looking up I felt tears fall, I swallow the rust gathering in my throat. "Such similar words" I heard the words but they were not mine. "One is life without you and one is no life, It is my thought that Abortion is the selfish desire to not have someone else love your child like you could" I nodded, I wiped my eyes. "If no one loves them?" The doctor smiled, "I suppose their is always that chance". He patted my shoulder and I smiled, "However, your current health choice will for sure kill the baby, nothing could thrive in your body in the state. I am surprised you are still upright". "So, I won't need an abortion, than?"
     Waking up the world was covered in gloom to match my new constant star of being. I pulled a tight fitting shirt and looked in the mirror touching my flat stomach, sometimes I imagined he was moving. I had sat in the abortion clinic for four hours after my appointment scared to move. The life inside me.     
        Grabbing my hair I pulled it straight back, pulled on my shoes and went running, before practice which was in full costume now. Mr. Francesca cried the first full run through, it had been something of a miracle. Claire was still watching me with venom, but somehow it didn't compare to how I hated myself.
        After practice, I went to the home of my life it was almost completely empty, but I went to mt room. It was just as I had left it. I traveled back down stairs and into my mom's room it was also just as it had always been. Sitting at her vanity, I looked in the mirror back at the reflection of her chair, I smiled as tears fell. My dad had finally moved on. I had not. My dad would never know, I thought and I yanked open the old draw it was full of makeup and than another and another until it was the last. Sliding it open. There  was a click. Turning around I jumped nothing moved or opened. So I calmed and pulled the draw open. Inside was not make up, or perfume, or random hair clips. But pressed roses. Picking the up was a book. I lifted it placing the roses on the draw.
         It was a velvety blue and had her name stitched into it, i touched it several times, before opening. Her perfect hand writing was on the first page, "Dear note take in the sky, " I laughed. So mom. "I don't have much to report today, my amazing husband gifted me with a new journal and my baby is growing perfectly. Where is the complaint. Love your forever penal, Grace" i laughed. Everyone was like that simple and her thoughts. Thoughts often of me and my mother, none of herself. Not till the end.
       The not was addressed to me, "Dear swan lake, I just adore you. You are the piece of me I am most proud of. Though all around me are pieces I can't fit anymore. I can't be the ballerina and the mom. I didn't know I'd ever have to choice either I suppose a dream is only a dream, it is reality you cling to. I couldn't cling to either and now as I sit here writing your birthday letter, it becomes my goodbye letter. What do I except? I except you to chase your dreams, but to know when dreaming is enough and reality can also be just as sweet. You are my sweet, and in reality you were more then enough, to live.I began dancing before I could walk. I was told I would something great. People came from everywhere  to see me dance. Men bowed to me and my life was full of exotic things. In my dreams I couldn't compare the the woman I should be, she is untouchable. Someone even if I hadn't had you, I could never be. She a phantom, a Phoenix, and I still love her. I plan to follow her to a place less heavier than this. One where I no longer choose to put one before the other.. Laklynn read this whipping your own eyes now that I am gone. You are big girl, your father will fall in love again and you should support that.  I do with someone who is already living in reality, a good mother for you. I will always be your mother, and you my swan lake. Love your mom Grace"
    I couldn't feel anything and for a long time I sat there crying.