The Great Sacrifice

Chapter Eighteen

I couldn't breath, I was choking then, I was running. I had to flee. The sun blared at me a threatening warning. I ignored it running barefoot. I ran. I couldn't stop and how no where to go. My mother had...she had taken her own life. How could she leave me? Leave us? My father had always known, he had found her and yet? Yet he shrined her every memory, how could he forgive her? How could let her die the heroine?
When I stopped, I looked into a store glass my reflection was scary. I was scared. Touching my frazzled hair and ruined face make up, I whipped my own tears. Reality? Dreams? When did they meet and when did they collid? For my mother, it was when I was fourteen, she had been fine. I remember the day cleaer than any day in my entire as if it was something to cherish. "Hold the door" my mom said with a smile as pulled something out her purse.We had just left from dancing together, I put my hand out and stop the elevator for the older lady. She smiled and motioned with her hands. I looked at my mom who then signed back with a quick motion. I went to her wrapping my arms around her, "What was that?" "Sign language?" She asked. I nodded. She did a few more and I tried to follow along but soon it was time to get off. " I want to do that" she nodded leading me out the building. "We can ask daddy to look up an academy for you" she said. Once we got home she went to her room for hours leaving me to my homework. Then she can up she looked so tired, "Have a good nap?" I asked. She nodded, "Dear, do you know what you want for dinner, I was just going to order Thai?" I nodded, "Just a beef salad please" I said stretching out the none existing Z. She nodded, she went to leave my room stopping she smiled over at me, "I love you, my swan lake". "Love you too, mom" that was the last time I saw her alive. The memory soured in my mind, she knew her plan all along.
"Is that Laklynn Carrel" I jeard the whisper and was dragged from my mind. Not turning around, I ran off. Fast picking my feet up and putting them down hard. Returning to the place that once felt like I home, dressed in a simple white dress placing on a light coat of make up and dabbed on perfume.
"Here, is the autopsy reported" the records manager handed them over. "Thank you" I smiled. "Wasn't she the famous ballerina" reception asked, snicker flicking his nose. "Shame, heart attack" I nodded, and flicked there the report, It was exactly like the one my father had produced to me. I smiled, handing it over, "Thank you, do you known if this doctor is still here?" I asked. He opened it and smacked imhis teeth as he read it, "I don't reacken, I do, but Gene would. Let me give him a call" I tugged my face into a smile. The call was quick and he gave a address, "This was a favor". I didn't say anything as he wrote it down, once the paper was in my hand, "So, was this". I tugged my dress higher over my breast, I turned and walked away. I took a cab to the address and was meet at the door by a man who eyes widen at the very site of me, he wasn't old as I expected. He had short dark hair and was of asain decent, he wore glasses "Your Dr. Kimteen?" He a as silent. "Please come in" his words were thick but I couldn't place the dilect. I step in, the house was completely spotless and I looked around before turning to face him. "Tea?" He offered. I nodded. Once seated in the living room that was coveredin fine attics he brought in a small glass and sat across from me. He have a hard sigh and looked up at the sky, "In Korea, there is a legend of a Jeosung Saja which is same as a Grim reaper, he comes for the soul of a young woman but leave empty. Do you know why?" I shook my head, "Because the soul had left the body long before the life had left it" he sipped the tea crossing his legs sitting back. Some lives are just bodies, and there is no saving them". "So my mother" I whispered. He pulled out a paper folded and wrinkled, "I held the truth" placing it in my hand I ripped it open.
"You, look like her. I knew it would come to hunt me, but never in the flesh" He was quite then and I read it word for word. "They couldn't save her" I said. "You already knew that" he said. I did, but that was better than what I knew now. My mother had a heart attack, a self inflicted one. She had killed herself, with a drug she injected in herself. My tears brimmed again, "The grim reaper?" "Yes, he found the soul wondering beside a person who was living what they thought was their own life. So blind to the things around them, they didn't realize they had left" more tears fell harder.
That night, I laid in my bath tub, closing my eyes letting life run around my mind. I slid slowly under the water and let the air escape. I waited, for only half a minute before I sat up, gasping. What was I doing? Getting out. I went to the mirror and looked at myself who was I? Was I really living for me or was I competing with a dream? A ghost? A Phonex? That only existed to me still? How do I escape her?
"Ma'am, as I told you last time, Dr. Abella does not like to see people not on his schedule" the receptionist said. I nodded, "I'm sure, but five seconds-". Just than he came out with a pair of glasses on. He looked different somehow, but Damian was always so handsome "Laklynn" he said my name so perfect. My heart was racing. I pulled out two invitations, "My show is coming soon. I got you balcony seat. I hope you both can come" he took them and I turned to walk off. "Laklynn" he said, again. I turned, biting my lips "I'm counting on you, dreams and reality and all that" I walked off before he could speak again. Before he coulf realise how much I had lost my mind.
I continued training and kept pushing and before I knew it opening night came. The story is of a poor ballerina who blooms from a Thistle. She is then forced to find her way from the forest which she loves to a city which hates her, she become sick and must fight, she is poisoned and must fight, someone asks her where she has bloomed and she tells them the Thistle. They then toss her to the gutter but even there she dances. She dance into the hands of a man who wishes to capture her. She dances into the heart of an old hag who almost has her hung for being a witch, and at the end as she dance alone in the forest where she began and the people come to watch her, they call her a Truly beautiful ballerina.
It was my last act, my heartbeat and I spun. I lifted my hands and did something I never did I looked out into the audience. I spotted my father first. The man eho had done his best by me till the end. My leg lifted, and I spun on my toes. I spotted my Damian and Daphne in the balcony and my breath caught. The family I had wanted, and thought I could cut out because I was something so rare and special. My eyes became hot and the tears fell. Reality was that something sweeter. My mother had die chasing a dream, she couldn't manifest because her bar always moved. I could never be better than her, because her aspirations were too great. Mine could be fit in a small room. In a kitchen that was too hot. Watching football not understanding it. Eating strawberry funnel cakes. Crying to sappy love movies and holding the hand of my daughter, because reality was sweet that way. My tears continued to fall as the other dancers joined in the back ground as the on lookers. I knew I had a place to go, a place I belonged. The one I was looking for and for some reason that was enough for me to say the end to my dreams.
I jumped and jumped and jumped and just as I began to spin I stopped putting my leg down to hard and falling. I felt it before I heard the snap. The commotion was loud and ooh and ah. There would be no standing ovation for this profromace. My greatest profromace, but their would be the closure to ballet that I needed to love my family. To let go of it.
"Stand back. Stand back" I heard the firece voice and wondered how he had gotten there so fast, my heart raced fast. I wonder how I must of looked "Don't touch it" I said. Damian looked at me and so did everyone else, I only looked at Damian, his brown eyes meetingminr. "Its shattered" I stated. "THE AMBULANCE HAS BEEN CALLED" I could hear Mr. Francesca scream. "Good" I whisper laying back closing my eyes. "Your so calm for someone who has lost everything" Damian said. Just then my dad slid to my side, "Do something". I smiled, "Thats okay, its shattered" "How can you be so sure?" My dad breathed hard. "Because she made sure of it" Damian said. My dad looked even more confused, "Somethings aren't made for reality, Daddy. Somethings are just dreams and if you keep chasing them you won't stop. Besides being a doctors wife isn't that bad" I looked at Damian and his face harden. His soft brown eyes gave away nothing, but I smiled even bigger "I have leverage doctor, you are going to want to take very good care of me. According to my doctor, I am very close to losing your daughter. Turns out thats all you make" he was quite than. My dad reached out his hand and touched my stomach, "Laklynn your Pregnant?" My dad whispered. I nodded, "like I said. I'll need someone to take good care of me".
The ambulance ride was silent and the check up was even worst. Once they patched me up Damian had them do a full check up on the baby and somehow she was just fine. Daphne was extremely fascinated by the black and white image. "A sister" she kept repeating. "Yes, sorry" I said, with a smile. "Si why the grand finally. Why not just tell me?" Damian grilled. "After two visits to the clinic you just decide only one reality can live, Damian. Dreams are hard to live up to and even harder to give up" Tears came down. "Whats all this talk about dreams and reality?" Damian asked almost annoyed. "I was willing to give something up that was real for something unattainable. Thats the best I can explain it." Damian big hand came and whipped my cheek they felt so warm in the hospital. Daphne looked at me, "Does mean we will be a family?" I smiled pushing back her black curls, "If your father will have me". "Well, I want you" she said smiling lating on my chest. I laughed hugging her despite the pain. It was this feeling that I could never replicate.
Damian was silent, then he looked at my father, "I would like to speak to you" my dad looked at me, "What about exactly". "Your daughter hand in marriage my heart fluttered and I closed my eyes as my dreams and reality became one slowly, step by step merging.