The House For Broken Boys •Neon

Chapter 2~

Numb... that's what I usually feel. Not all the time but most the time. When you can't shut off your voice in your head that constantly tells you you're not good enough then you need to do something to help yourself feel better. If you're numb then you just don't care.

It might sound bad but it helps when I have my bipolar episodes. Most people see them as getting angry randomly or at small things all the time but for me it's more of a panic attack. I basically start crying. What am I crying for exactly? I couldn't tell you.

My chest starts to feel tight and my head starts hurting and my thoughts get louder to where it almost sounds like someone else yelling in my ear that won't shut up. I've even hit myself in the head a few times when it got too much. That's also why I smoke. I don't smoke a lot but the little I do smoke really helps relax my mind.

Right now I'm sitting on the balcony to my room doing just that. Taking a deep inhale and slowly blowing out, watching the smoke disappear into the air. the smell and lightness of my head relaxes me and the stress from the day slowly blows out of my lungs with the white translucent smoke.

I have my phone in my hand reading a novel I found online. There are many different websites and apps I use to read but it's another thing that helps my thoughts. Being sucked into a good novel is such an amazing feeling. Being so immersed into a book you're able to laugh and cry along with the characters feels like I've been transported to another world.

Sometimes I feel stuck in this world and want to get out. Is that a morbid thought? Feeling like my body and the world I'm living in is a prison keeping me in and keeping me from being happy?

I'm almost done with my spliff when I hear my door open and little foot steps patter towards me. I keep my eyes on my phone thinking whoever it is will just leave me alone if I act like they arnt here.

I don't hear anything for a minute so I think whoever it is left but then I feel someone tugging on the end of my shirt. I look over and Casey is on his hands and knees holding onto me with his right hand.

I lift my hand to tug his hand away when I make contact with his bright green eyes. Something in me yells to just do what he wants and for some reason I listen. However once he sees I'm not pushing him away he crawls the rest of the way towards me and onto my lap and straddles me.

"Cuddles" he mumbles with red tinted cheeks and a pouty lip looking down with his hands on my shoulders.

I'm shocked for a second because random skin contact with strangers usually makes my skin crawl but when I look into his pleading eyes that basically says "don't push me away" I relax against his body with a sigh and softly wrap my arms around his small frame.

The look on his face when he realizes I'm letting him stay makes my heart flutter and I know I made the right choice. He has the biggest smile on his face showing his pearly white teeth and squinting his eyes. He lays his head on my chest and wraps his arms around my waist while nuzzling his face into me. It's seriously the cutest thing in the world and it takes all my will power not to aww out loud.

"Sleepwy" comes out of is lips with a cute little yawn and scrunched nose.

"If your sleepy then why don't you go to bed?" I ask.

"Because I wanna cuddle and I knews from the first looks at yous that you'd be very goods at cuddles."

Damn I just met this kid and my soft spot for him already feels a mile wide. How can he be so damn cute? He yawns again and I see a tear slowly fall on the corner of his eye. I bring my hand up and gently wipe it off, letting my hand linger on his soft cheek just long enough that I can get a feel of the silky skin under my fingertips.