The House For Broken Boys •Neon

Chapter 3~

It's only been an hour since breakfast and I'm laying on the couch holding my phone above my face while I read. I love any type of romance that isn't abusive. The "dark romances" that romanticize abuse just rub me the wrong way. Nothing against the people who do like them but I love the fluffy feeling I get in my stomach when I read a sweet romance. I feel like reading has been the only thing that makes me feel normal. It brings my mind away from everything and succeeds at making me forget I'm just numb.

I wouldn't say I'm a hopeless romantic but I'm not going to lie and say I don't wish someone would come and sweep me off my feet. Who could love someone like me though? I mean if you ask me what's "wrong" with me I honestly couldn't tell you but I do hate myself with every fiber of my being.

Why? Well honestly I just feel annoying. Like I could honesty have the best conversation with someone whether it's a stranger or a friend but when the conversation is over, I walk away with the feeing like I shouldn't have spoken at all. I truthfully love talking to people and getting to know them and their thoughts. I'm not a judgmental person at all and I love learning about people's love lives or family's. It's kind of like reading a book. It opens your mind to the bigger picture in the world.

Now that my mind is open though I feel like my depression just gets worse. What's the point? The point in life? The point of love? The point of worrying? Everything ends one day, everybody will leave you one day. What's the point of waiting till your "time" and not ending it sooner? Is it really such a "bad" thing people make it out to be?

Personally I know for a fact that nobody would cry for my death. They might be sad for a bit and say it's unfortunate but nobody cares for me enough to try to make me not think this way. That's what it feels like anyways.

And what if I found somebody to love me? Am I even capable of loving them back? I'm such a selfish person. I only care about me and although I have a conscience, sometimes it feels like it's paper thin. If I wasn't such a little bitch what could I do with these hands so I could be a little more happy? Could I lie? Could I steal? Could I even kill? I dream of it sometimes. Wondering about all the possibilities that could mess me up as much as I feel messed up inside.

"Whatcha doin?" I hear way to close to my ear. I squeak while accidentally dropping my phone onto my face.

"Fuck!" I scream feeling one of my eyes and nose throb from the impact of it on my face. Fuck the damn phone might be light but it fucking hurts when it hits your face!

"Damn babe I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that" Faze says and comes out from behind the couch to crouch in front of me. He might have worry written on his face but I can still see the spark of amusement dancing in his eyes.

"I'm fine" I spit out kind of pissed he didn't think he'd scare me by coming up behind me like that.

"Don't give me that attitude boy. You won't like it if you cross my line." He warns while grabbing my chin in his strong grip and making me look him in the eyes. Damn if I wasn't sitting down right now my knees would go weak. The dominance in his eyes makes it impossible for me to look away. I bite my lip so I don't let out the whimper threatening to come out my throat.

"Sorry" I squeak out. Looking at the way he's staring at me it finally clicks in my head. He's a seasoned dominant for sure. He may seem happy and care free some of the time but the way he holds himself, the look in his eyes, and even the grip on my chin is most definitely from someone who was trained to dominate people. I would know since I was trained to be both a submissive and a dominant. Although I've never had a master or submissive myself. I only had scenes with some of them at the club I went to before I was sent here.

"Good, now sweet boy let's get some ice on that eye of yours. It's already starting to bruise. We are about to go to town to get a few things we need for the barbecue. Would you like to come with us?" He says while letting go of my face but taking my hand to pull me off the couch and towards the kitchen to get ice for my eye.