Outside of the trailer, I lift a half-asleep Lily out of the car. She slept the whole car ride, but now that we're home, she's of course waking up.
"You tired?" I ask softly.
"Mmhmm." She says, leaning her head on my shoulder sleepily, "Can we go back to Tessa's tomorrow?"
I hesitate before saying, "We'll see, baby."
I'm not making any promises I can't keep.
A car pulls up towards us, loud music bumping, as I stand in front of my car. I recognize the black SUV immediately. Papa Doc.
Fuck.
I start panicking. Not for me though- for Lily.
I put her down on her feet and instruct her, "Okay baby, I want you to go inside and I want you to lock the door. Okay?" I'm trying desperately to keep my voice calm and reassuring so not to scare her. She's looking at the SUV and I can hear them opening their doors now, so I quickly grab her attention, "Listen to me! Go inside, lock the door and I'll be in in a minute, okay?"
"Okay." She says quietly.
"Okay, go." She starts running to the trailer, the sound of multiple car doors shutting and their music echoing. Lily pauses. Looking at them then me, but I urge her on, "Go!"
I watch to make sure she listens to me and gets in alright. I don't want her to see what's about to happen.
"Yo, what up bitch." Papa Doc says, and I turn back to them as they start to surround me. Looking around I count seven, including Wink who has some napkins pressed against his still bleeding nose. Papa Doc laughs, "You ready to get knocked out doe?"
"Wink said you lived in a trailer with your mom," They all laugh as Lyckety speaks, "But we ain't believe him."
Someone hits me from behind and I fall face first to the ground.
"Come on Elvis, get up." I hear Lyckety say, "Get up bitch!"
Seven against one. This ain't a fair fight. If Wink wanted revenge he shoulda come to me one on one like a man, not run cryin' to Papa Doc so he'll bring his goons to jump me. I'm gonna get my ass beat.
But I'm not scared of them.So I get up- if a bit slowly- and stand toe to toe with Lyckety, knowing it'll piss him off. If they want to do it this way, fine, but I'm not fighting back.
"What? What the fuck is you lookin' at?" Lyckety says, bothered. I lift my chin up, staring him down.
Lyckety throws the first punch, forcing me backwards and disorienting me. I'm being pushed around, punched some more, thrown to the ground, kicked and stomped on. I can hear Lily screaming inside but then Wink knees me in the face and all I hear is ringing in my ears.
Then I'm thrown onto the hood of my car. Lotto grabs me by the jacket, yelling in my face, "Fight me, you punk ass bitch!"
I'm pulled off the car and down to the ground by my legs, landing on my back, getting kicked again. I manage to crawl, putting my back towards my car.
But then I hear a gun cock. Papa Doc gets down in front of me, pointing his gun directly in my face.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"I could end your shit right now, nobody'd even miss your ass." he says.
I've never had a gun pointed to me before, let alone in my face with the one aiming wishin' for me to die. I feel genuine fear now. And I think for a split second, 'Just do it."
Wink is there suddenly, telling Papa Doc to stop. And then the gun is out of my face and I hear "Free World motherfucker." as I'm being pushed back down to the ground.
I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, and start coughing. It fuckin' hurts to breath. Everything hurts.
"Yo, don't forget to come to the shelter tomorrow night!" someone says, followed by more taunts and laughter before they're driving away. Gone.
I stay on the ground for a while, in so much pain I can't even get up. What's the point anyways? But I can't leave Lily alone after what she just witnessed.
She's curled in a ball by the front door, crying when I find her. Even in my current condition it hurts more to see her upset like this.
"It's okay, baby. I'm okay." I comfort her, ignoring the pain as I hold her in my arms, rocking her back and forth.
Once Lily falls asleep, I clean myself up a bit and go straight back outside since I'm not allowed in the fuckin' trailer no more. I'll stay until mom gets back from wherever the hell she is, then I'll sleep in my car. I have no where else to go. So I sit on the front steps, going over the last few hours of my fucked up life.
I'm hunched over, holding my bruised ribs when my mom walks towards me, paper bag in her arms. I keep my eyes down, hoping she won't notice the state I'm in and start asking questions. But the first thing out her mouth when she sees me is, "Jesus...what happened to you?"
"I fell." I lie.
"You fell?" She says, not believing me.
I look up at her, and repeat stronger, "I fell."
She smiles a bit at me, and starts walking up the steps, "Come on in, I'll make you somethin' to eat."
"What?" I ask, confused. She kicked me out and now she wants to make me food?
Her only answer is, "I'm your mother. I want to make you somethin' to eat, what's the big deal?"
I slowly follow her in, not sure what's changed her mind, "I thought you wanted me out?"
"You want the fuckin' pancakes or not?" she snaps, taking out a box of Jiffy before going to find a mixing bowl.
Tessa said something about making pancakes too, didn't she? Pancakes for breakfast. Me, Lily, and her. She'd probably make a whole breakfast with eggs and bacon, she's like that. I won't ever get that though. Instead I get cheap pancake mix from a box made by my mom in a trailer while I'm healing from an ass kicking. But I guess that's all I deserve.
Why does everything always end up so fucked up?
"What's gotten into you?" I ask my mom, needing a distraction as I sit down at the table. I'm also curious. She seems...happy. A big difference from the state I left her in this afternoon.
"We're not getting evicted." She says, her back to me in the kitchen.
"Why not?"
"I went to bingo." She replies. I shake my head, until she turns around and says excitedly, "And I won!" She pulls out a wad of cash to show me, "Thirty-two hundred!"
"You're kiddin' me." I say, shocked but happy for her.
She laughs a little, "Nope. Our lucks finally changing around here."
She continues to unpack the groceries and my mind goes again to Tessa, earlier today doing the same thing. Why can't I stop thinkin' about her?
"Did you mean what you said about doin' that demo with Wink?" My mom asks.
I pause. I'm definitely not anymore. If I wan't to make a demo and get a deal, I can't rely on anyone else to help me. I gotta do it by myself. And I am gonna do it.
I shake my head a bit, and state, "No....I'mma do it on my own."
When I look up at my Mom, she stops what she's doing and says something to me that surprises me, "You know what Rabbit? I think that's the best way."
She gives me some ice for my ribs and makes us both pancakes and we actually talk about stuff. I like her like this. Sober, happy, loving, supportive- motherly. I hardly ever see it.
And for a while I'm able to get my mind off everything that happened tonight. Just for a little while.
