Searching For the Garden

Chapter 4

!¡Trigger warning— Suicide!¡

Omniscient

"Okay, make yourself comfortable. There's a bathroom just down the hall, first door on the left. I'm going to go find Shawn and get you some ice for your face." Beyonce said before walking out of the room.

The two women stood in the doorway of Shawns guest before which Beyoncé had been occupying during her visit.

Upon arriving to the condo, Nicki was beyond tired and could barely keep her head from falling forward in the car. Seeing the bed, she wasted no time lying on California King mattress and just looked up at the ceiling, loosing herself in her thoughts.

To say in the least, she was feeling defeated. Knowing that Beyonce is only trying to help, she couldn't help but to feel she was a burden to her. As her thoughts progressed she realized it wouldn't just be her,  eventually there will be a child and on top of that, She was still trying to finish school. A baby and a career in a new state, that doesn't even sound rational.

Nicki thought about how she would have no money, no family, no support, and a baby. How is it even fair to bring a life into the world with so much uncertainty?

The tight feeling in her chest alerted her that she had struck a nerve. Her brain began to brain spiral into an bottomless abyss filled with more uncertain thoughts before she could stop it.

"I need to sit up." The girl said to no one in particular. The room felt as though it was spinning. Sitting up soon proved to be a big mistake, only making her light headed. Nicki felt her breathing becoming uneven and tried to stand, thinking it may help. To no avail, her thoughts and the room continued their agonizing rotations.

In her mind, thoughts of doubt echoed. How would she be able to raise a baby with no help?

"You won't be able to Nicki." Her thoughts spat back.

Nicki clamped her eyes shut trying to steady her now rapid heart beat, it feels like the Earth was rotating at a rapid pace all while collapsing beneath my feet. She braced myself against a nightstand nearby to help.

Meanwhile, downstairs, Beyoncé finished collecting the essentials before walking back to the room with a full tray of pancakes, bacon and eggs completed with apple juice and ice bag for Nicki's face to help bring the swelling. Beyoncé hoped Nicki warmed up to the idea of coming to Houston with her because she already made her mind up against just leaving her there. Even though they didn't know each other that well, this story is one that she's all too familiar with.

Pushing the door open with her  hip, Beyonce saw Nicki standing with her hands on the nightstand and her arms trembling. Quickly she sat the food on the dresser and went over to her.

"Hey, hey what's going on?"

"I can't breathe." She looked up at the blonde with a troubled face. Nicki  was now hyperventilating.

"Fuck, she's having a panic attack." Beyoncé thought.

"Nicki- " Her eyes were shut tightly and her breathing was ragged. "Nicki, sweetheart, I need you to listen to me okay. Breathe with me. In and out."

"Beyonce..." She said breathlessly

"I know baby but just listen to my voice. You're having an anxiety attack. And you're going to stress the baby out okay. I don't know hat you're anxious about but you have to stop thinking about it. Look at me." Beyonce grabbed her carefully and guided her to the bed. "In, out."