Don't LOVE me, I am scared!!

~Backstory~

( A/N this part is in Diary entry from Milian)
(Ps.:The picture (not mine) above is Milian)

Sorry
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Dear Diary,

This is the first time I wrote in this thing. My adoptive parents brought it form me, so I could write about my life and to not annoy them, with my talking.

My name is Milian. I am 17 years old, I'm an otaku. My favorite color is green, like the forest. I love animals, because they don't lie to you or betray you. I am a shy and timid boy.

Yes, I know boys should be strong and so, but I saw and felt much more things as those boys. Okay I think I should write that in you. I really need to say those because it is really depressing to hold it in any longer.

Let's go back when I was 5. At first I was a happy child, but later that year everything changed. My mum died, my dad married his mistress, which had also a boy, but he was 1 year younger. After 3 months my stepmother persuaded my dad to kick me out.

So after that I was homeless. My friend from school didn't help me and some even replaced me with my stepbrother.

Years after years I struggled to live one more day. I hated my dad for leaving me, my stepmother for kicking me out and my stepbrother for stealing my friends. The food I found or brought with money I found, were given to other kids who were hungry, but they left me.

Even my 'best friend', who I have known for 6 years left. (He had black hair with dark brown eyes, he looked like a normal Japanese boy, just funny he wasn't japanese.) Before he left he said something I could never forget." You though I liked you as a friend?! No, no,no I was around you so I could get food and money!"After he said that I could not bring myself to trust a human again, without asking for the real reason, but my trust got decreasing with each day.

Because of this and more, I was scared and disgusted with humans. I did not want them to touch or speak with me.

If they did I would get a panic attack or would start to tremble, since then I always avoided lage groups of people and small streets or small rooms with people.

At age of 14 I got found by a older couple, they adopted me. At first I thought they should be nice, but I didn't trust them. At the beginning they were nice, but later on they got annoyed by me, because of my anxiety and my trust issues, which did just get slightly better, and ignored me most of the time. However when things didn't go the way they wanted or when I did something 'bad' they would abuse or starve ect. me. Although they brought me the things I wanted, they didn't bother with me anymore.

They adopted another child 2 years after they got me. The child's name was Leo. He was 15, so one year younger. He was a cheerful child so he got liked easily.

In contrast to me he was my opposite. Even thought he got everything I ever dreamed of, like going to middle school, have friends , good grades, good personality and good appearance etc, he was unsatisfied. We never got along, even now.

I don't even know why but he hates me more than I do. He always glares at me. One time he touched me and pushed me in a group of people on purpose and I had to go to the hospital, because I couldn't breath. He didn't even apologize or something like that and my adoptiv parents .... Well they did nothing.

I would even bet that after I wrote this he will read it, go to the older couple and complain how bad I am and that I wrote shit about him in here.

Whatever(ب_ب).... I hope that he won't do so, so I don't have to starve again for being 'bad'...

Lovely regards,
Milian (灬º‿º灬)♡