looks are deceiving

The diary entry

Dear dairy

Today i had another therapy lesson and she told me that this weeks task was to come out to someone i trust. I'll probably do shoto but I'm really scared. What if he thinks less of me or just stops talking to me all together. I'm not ready for that especially after being disowned at age 11 because I'm trans and living in like 16 foster homes where i was abused in almost all of them.

Today in class Aizawa was talking about self harm and my anxiety was so bad i ended up having a panic attack but kept it quiet i hate the attention when somethings wrong with me. It makes me feel weak. Like a girl. A helpless girl.

My anxiety about coming out as trans to shoto came over me and i did something bad. I cut my arm with the blade from my 4th foster home. I know I'm weak but at least nobody knows. I hope.

Ever since i started U.A my emotions have been all over the place and i can't stand it. I just wanna be a normal teenaged boy. Where i can hang out with my friends after school and be in pain and so i can have sleepovers without wearing really big oversized clothes to hide my chest. Its so annoying.

Sometimes i wish i never came out. I could still be at home with my parents and not be emotionally scarred for life and be my mothers little girl. It's not me but at least i would be normal.

Sometimes i feel like ending it all. Like this world would be a better place without me. Like nobody cares about me. I've pushed away the people who care about me and I'm a total jackass to them. Like deku... I regret everything I've said and did to him. He knows I'm trans and he was the only one who didn't bully me for it but i was scared he would turn on me and bully me. So i did it first.

The words my old classmate have said to me haunt me every night
Girl
Girly
tranny freak
Stupid girl
Its just a phase
She'll grow out of it
God she looked so much better with long hair
She's to feminine
She'll never be a real boy
Aww girly is it your time of the month
Katrina...

These words haunt me and its annoying and i know its childish but im just scared what if i come out and everyone hates me.

Anyway i have to go someone is at the door bye!!