A blow to the heart: a Brittana fan fiction

The journey

I looked at Berry with an expression of anger and fear. I snatched the phone out of her hand.
It was a text from Mr Schuester, who I haven't spoken to or seen for a while now because I believe he needs to get some friends his own age, and shouldn't be talking to ex-students.
I have to be honest, I thought she was joking. After all, she publicly announced that she can fake cry. That was until I read the text:

'Rachel,
I know we haven't spoken in a while so you're probably confused about why I would text you. I am sorry that we have to get back in contact about this awful matter. As you may or may not have heard, a school shooting happened at McKinley today. One of our own was one of the victims. Brittany was all alone in the toilet stalls when the killer came in and looked around for any people that might give away their location. She was shot in the chest and is currently in intensive care. Please let people know. So they can come down and visit her. Her state is yet to be determined.
I'll update you when I can,
Mr Shu '

I felt sick. So sick that I gagged and threw Rachel's phone across the floor. She was in hysterics by now and came to comfort me. She was trying to help, but I'm well known for lashing out when someone tries to help.
"Get away from me, get off me. Please" I said in between sobs. Rachel stepped away and went crying to Kurt who had just come in to see what all the fuss was about. I ran into my bedroom and slammed the door behind me. I just sat up against it and cried. I cried for what was probably about 2 hours in the end, thoughts of despair and rage swarming about in my head. I heard Rachel outside whispering between sobs to Kurt who was trying to comfort her.

Why comfort her? Brittany is my best friend, my ex-girlfriend. My everything. She is the one good thing that has happened to me in the last few years and I should've been there. I should be in Lima, I could've saved her. It was all my fault.

The next thing I remember was being on a train back to Lima. Rachel sat opposite me, Kurt next to her. We spent most of the journey in utter silence, each one of us still processing what had just happened. The most innocent and pure girl of them all had just been shot, out of no fault of her own, and was dying.
I kept picturing her, scared out of her mind in that bathroom, alone.
I guess I must have been tearing up, because Kurt reached out across the table that separated our seats from one another for my hand. I had a sudden urge to let go, but I needed some form of comfort. We had our hands silently intertwined for the rest of the long, painful journey.

Once we arrived at the oh too familiar Lima station, I grabbed the small suitcase that I had packed in haste from under my seat and wheeled it onto the platform. Berry and Kurt followed me. That was when Rachel spoke up.
"I know this is awful, for everyone." Rachel said as she glanced over at me sympathetically, but I just couldn't bear the sight of her face at the moment so I looked sharply away.
"But where do we intend to stay. I mean we all packed our bags as quickly as possible without really knowing where we were headed." she continued.
"I guess I'll be going back to my Dad's. After I've checked up on Blaine of course." As Kurt said this a sudden rush of anger ran through me.
" Sorry to burst your little bubble, but this isn't meant to be a little trip to check in with your crush. Brittany is going to die and you're thinking of Blaine!" I gave Kurt a hard stare.
"I'm sorry-" Kurt started but I raised my hand in order to stop him. The painful silence fell over us yet again.

I remember walking out of the station and seeing Burt waiting in a car. I turned to look over at Kurt, when I saw that he was already heading towards the car, gesturing for Rachel and I to get in. Burt turned to look at me as soon as we did so. He looked at me. Not at Berry, or even his son, just me. A hint of happiness rushed over me as I realised that he knew the pain that I was going through, and knew I was the most hurt by this situation. Quickly, though, I returned to reality and realised how upset I was. I felt tears falling out of my eyes like on the train. But there was no one to grab my hand, not this time.

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