The Bright Side of Darkness

Fourteen

Both Travis and Jackson have been avoiding me all day. By the time lunch rolls around, I hear Emori talking to Travis in the cafeteria and immediately turn around. I don't want to risk her finding out about the rift between me and my friends. Knowing her, she'll try to fix it.

Plus, the cafeteria is full of more chatter than usual, and I already know what it is about. Everyone is amazed by the fact that my family can't afford my surgery. Like it's so unusual for surgery to be expensive.

Travis and Jackson don't text me all over the weekend, either. I understand what I did wrong, but I wasn't expecting the guys to ghost me. I keep trying to apologize but they either leave me on open or delivered. Nothing is getting through to them.

After I leave the cafeteria, I decide to go to the gym. It will be empty for the next eighty minutes, and even though I can't shoot hoops or do anything else, it is my safe place. I can sit in the middle of the room and listen to the silence. The gym smells like sweat and dirty socks, but that's what makes it so great. Not the smell itself, but the nostalgia of it. I can imagine myself dribbling the ball down the court, hundreds of fans cheering at me or another teammate. Without surgery, that would never happen again, but that can't stop me from dreaming.

I've been playing football and basketball for years. And all of that is gone. Stripped away after one bad choice. All because I didn't want to fight my big brother over who was and wasn't drunk.

The door thuds closed in the distance. "What are you doing here, boy?" The voice is so familiar I don't need to see his face to know who he is.

"How're you doing, Coach Zeger?" I smile and turn my head in the direction of his voice. Of course, he'd be in here. The man rarely leaves his gym.

"I'm doing fine, but you look like you lost your best friend." Oh, if only you knew, Coach. He crosses the gym, and the light thud of his feet on the floor leaves an easily trackable sound. Something thumps down beside me. And his pained sigh lets me know it's him. "What's going on?"

"You really wanna know?" I take his silence as a signal to go on. "I'm not sure I'm okay with living my life without the vitrectomy to restore my vision. But I can't tell Ma that and make her upset."

He hums thoughtfully. "You're right. I wouldn't wanna break that poor woman's heart, either. Your momma knew how much you loved football and that you wanted to go pro someday. Heck, you were already so close we could all taste it. When you don't have the money to do something for your child, especially something that could change their life, it's hard to let go of the guilt."

"She thinks it's her fault?" She never said anything to me about feeling bad about it. But maybe that's the thing with moms. They don't want their burden to be put on their kids. But she doesn't need to worry. It's my fault I'm in this mess, anyway.

Coach Zeger chuckles. "You're oblivious, boy. You shouldn't need your sight to tell how distraught your momma is."

"Tell me how you really feel, why don't you, Coach?" My tone is notably sarcastic, but he doesn't comment on it.

"All I'm saying is you should have a talk with your momma. Set things straight for her so she doesn't keep beating herself up." Coach pats my back as he stands up, groaning when his knees crack.

"You're getting old," I comment.

"Who you callin' old?" he asks. I laugh as he walks away.

Coach is only in his late forties, but he's already had both knees replaced. Guess that's what happens when you spend years chasing after idiots on the court and the field. He's been a coach for almost thirty years and is still holding it together. I have no clue how he does it.

When the bell rings, I pull myself off of the floor and head toward my next class. I don't need Jackson and Travis now that I have my cane, but I try not to use it unless I have to. NO sense in attracting more attention to me now that everyone has caught wind of my family's current financial issues.

It isn't that we're poor. We aren't scraping for funds to pay bills, though sometimes we cut it close. The hard truth is, my surgery is damn expensive. I don't expect my family to pay for it. They can't. It would kill my dad to put in the extra hours and for Ma to try to work more late nights at the hospital.

Surgery is no longer a possibility. I've gotten used to being blind so far, what's the rest of my life? I can do it. I think.

The last three class periods go by fast. It's not like I'm really paying attention to the coursework, anyway. I'm too busy dreaming of memories. Memories of taking something I pretty much figured was a God-given right for granted. Something I may never get back.

Dad doesn't talk the whole way home. I guess he figures it will be best not to ask me about my day. It's not like I have anything to tell, anyway. It feels like he has something to say but decides against it. Ma won't be so easy, though. As soon as we get home, I go straight to my room. Ma's car arrives a few minutes later, and I brace myself when she knocks gently on my door.

"How was your day?" The bed dips to the side to support her weight as she sits down.

I shrug. I want to tell her the truth, but it will break her heart. "Just a normal day/ I'm starting to get used to learning with just my teachers' voices."

"That's awesome, baby!" She pulls me into a hug as guilt manages to worm its way into my conscience. It isn't quite a lie, but some classes are getting increasingly more difficult the farther we get into the coursework. I should have transferred to a school for the blind when I had the chance, but I've been so scared about losing my reputation that I didn't want to risk it. It's stupid that I cherished my reputation more than my own well-being, and I regret my decision to stay in Norton Valley.

"You're frowning."

I shake my head to clear it. "What?"

"You're frowning," she repeats.

"No, I'm not." I force a smile. "I was just thinking. Probably just a reflex."

Her silence tells me she isn't convinced.

"Would I ever lie to you?" I lean against her shoulder, trying to play innocent.

"Yes."

That's true. I've lied to her a lot over the years, even though I'm not proud of it. Dad always taught Gavin and me that we should never lie to our ma. Like that worked out.

"I'm not this time, Ma. I promise." If I don't sell this to her, she'll become a helicopter parent and I won't be able to go anywhere by myself. I don't need that again.

"Fine. But you'll tell me if you ever have any problems?"

No. "Yes."

She sighs and leaves the room.

Being home from school this early is odd. Before, I would have been at the field house, putting on my practice gear with my friends. Now, I'm stuck at home wishing I was anywhere but here.

Football isn't life for Travis and the guys like it was for me. Parker, maybe, but the other guys don't care about going pro. They just love the game. I did too. I had plans, though. I want to be the hotshot who left this dead-end town and went big. I wanted to show everyone that the 'dumb jocks' could go somewhere in life too. That isn't going to happen now.

Even though he won't get it until later, I text Travis anyway. "Have the guys come to my house. We need to talk. Mainly me."