The Bright Side of Darkness

Thirty-One

Almost immediately after hearing about the rumor, I skip my last two class periods and almost fly down the road on my way to Tay's house. There are two voices coming from inside and I pray one isn't Roxie's. The door is unlocked, and Jackson's head snaps toward me like a startled deer.

Tay's... not so much.

He flinches and turns toward me, a look on his face  that tells me he already knows why I'm here. He watches me for a moment, and my lungs feel as if all the air has been sucked out of them with a vacuum. A lump forms in my throat as I look up at him, trying my hardest to not cry.

He stands there, waiting. With his gorgeous face and disheveled hair and those goddamn beautiful bright green eyes, I do all I can to not have a meltdown in front of him.

Jackson shifts behind him, and I'm knocked out of my trance. "Is it true?" The tears fall freely now, and I fight through them.

"C'mon babe, you can't honestly -"

No. I'm not going to tiptoe around this. I need a straight answer. Not a defense that makes it all seem okay. I'm the one who will decide whether everything is okay. "Answer the damn question."

He's taken aback by my swearing. His mouth drops open as he processes it.

I've always thought cursing is unladylike. I still do, but right now, I'm too livid to think about my choice of language. I need something to believe in. As much as I want to trust the instincts that tell me Tay can't possibly have done something so appalling, I can't. Not until I hear it from him and have the chance to think it over.

"No, I didn't. I know what Roxie has been telling everyone, but you gotta believe me, Em." He runs a hand through his hair and gives me a pleading look. The look on his face melts my heart, but what am I supposed to believe? Roxie is the one spreading the rumor, but a lot of people seem to believe it. Why should I be different? Maybe this is the one time she's telling the truth. A part of me thinks Tay would never do something like that to me, but people can change. What if for once the perfect guy isn't so perfect and the one girl who's been lying for years is the only one telling me the truth?

"I-I don't know what to believe." My body moves before I can process, inching towards the door. "I want to believe you, but I don't know if I can. I need to think this over." I shake my head, avoiding any reason I have to face him. "I'm so sorry." I trip over my feet and stumble through the door and into the rain. It instantly drenches me, but it doesn't matter. I need to get away from Tay. Away from everything.

Mom looks up from her magazine when I lurch through the door. She opens her mouth to say something, but I don't wait. I need to cry, and my bed is calling to me. Mom follows me upstairs, saying nothing as she sits on the bed and rubs my back. Her phone clicks as she types.

After about five minutes of silence, Lottie bursts through the door with four grocery bags. Mom thanks her for coming, and asks what's wrong. All the while, I ugly cry into my pillow.

Mom sighs. "Well, I don't figure this is a conversation you want me around for. I'll be downstairs if you need me."

As soon as my mom leaves the room, Lottie picks up the bags of food and starts telling me everything she brought.

"You sure you don't want ice cream?" Lottie asks once she finishes listing off the flavors.

I shake my head, face still buried into my pillow. All the sugary snacks and carbs in the world can't do anything to numb my pain right now. Food meant happiness to the old Emori. I ate when i got less than an A on my test. I ate if I was bored. And I ate when Dad died. But right now, eating won't solve my problems. It will only cause more.

I want to believe that Tay wouldn't cheat on me, but part of me wonders if it could be true. When I told Tay I wasn't ready for sex, he seemed okay with it. Maybe he only was because he had Roxie on the side.

"Hey." Lottie pokes my cheek. "It's gonna be fine. I'm sure nothing happened."

I take my face out of my now black-tear-stained pillow. Lottie is Tay's sister, but she is also my friend. Friends might not be my field of expertise, but Lottie wouldn't lie to me. I just don't know what I believe.

She sighs and scrubs a hand over her face. "Emori, I'm gonna sound like a bitch but think about it. When would Tay have time to cheat on you? He's been recovering from major surgery. And my mom has barely left him alone."

Now that she says that, I feel stupid. But how does she know he hasn't had time? We've been working on our science project at my house and at the library. She wasn't home then. At this point, I feel like my thoughts are just running me in circles.

I turn away from her and bury my head in my pillow again.

"Look, I'm going home. I'd help more, but you already know how I feel about all this." She stands up and cracks her back. "As far as I'm concerned, Tay didn't do it, and I think you just need time to realize that. And I love you, but I'm on my brother's side. He's family.

I look up from my wallowing and stare at her in awe. Seriously? His side? I mean, sure he's her brother, but wow. Friends are supposed to stand by each other.

As Lottie leaves, I make a plan to get the full truth.