Explore the mystical forest of a small witch that keeps the writing world safe with her reviews that will help you improve as a writer.
Beware, all the love and enchantments you receive can positively impact your mood!
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"Don't waste your precious tears on boys with pretty eyes 'cause princesses don't cry." - gguk_love
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⍋Primium impressionem (14.5/20): I must say I love the title! I don't know why I'm gushing over it so much but I just am, leave me alone, I'm happy. When it comes to your cover, it's fairly elementary but it works. I'm not a fan of simplistic covers and I blame no one else but myself for it, yet I like the photo of Kookie lying on a bed of flowers as a choice for this particular book. What I would love to see is maybe a different font for the title that is clearer since this one gets swallowed up by the flowers surrounding it. Another nice touch would be your favourite quote from the book or from someone else that suits the general feeling of your story.
As for your description, the simple approach rules again. It tells me everything that I need to know, yet the way it's written doesn't pull me into wanting to hop in your story as soon as I read it. You need a hook to catch me and never let me go, well, not until I gave all the love and support to your writing. To achieve that, I'd advise you to instead of using the question What will happen when you allow yourself to briefly introduce me to your characters - who and what they are (students, strippers), the relationship between them (friends, enemies, coworkers) and the main conflict they face. Keep it in your neat minimalistic style, but add a tiny bit more of crucial information I'd need as a reader.
⍋Et compages grammatica damnationem (10/20): As soon as I delved into your writing, I noticed a lot of basic grammar and punctuation mistakes I'm sure you're aware of as well. What I have to give you immense credit for is that your use of tenses is top tier which is something not everyone can pull off, I'm genuinely so happy and proud that you mastered the craft of it (I still didn't, whoops). I don't want to discourage you, but you have a lot of grinding ahead of you, hun.
What I mean by that is picking up that dreadful English grammar book all of us shudder when someone mentions, reading all kinds of works from different writers and styles throughout the centuries and helping yourself out with a nice online grammar checker. As I mentioned before, there exist people that won't read your work only because your grammar isn't proper and that's such a waste! Don't let them run away, keep them as your guests and give them some nice cookies and tea seasoned with great grammar, of course!
As for your sentence structure, I couldn't exactly figure out what was tickling my nose until I reread a part of one chapter a couple of times. The words said and told, although something our brains usually skim over while reading, appear a dazzling amount of times throughout your writing. I know it's hard to find alternatives to said words, but that's where my advice to read more comes to play - research how others do it, let them inspire you and help you create your sentences that won't seem as bland and repetitive once you let your colourful imagination flow!
