Explore the mystical forest of a small witch that keeps the writing world safe with her reviews that will help you improve as a writer.
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"It's easy to hurt someone with just words, but to heal the wound made by them, it's not." - lovelyandbubbly
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⍋Primium impressionem (18/20): The title gives me shivers, I'm not going to lie. How do you come up with all the titles for your books? Teach me, please! I love how Tae is melancholic on the cover; it suits the theme of the book and I know you like simplistic covers so I'll just shut my mouth and let you live your life.
As for the description, it's fantastic! You know where to poke me to have me interested, but I'm noticing something very important missing from it - where's Juliet? She's such an important part of the book and this isn't the time to hide her from people! Just a single sentence mentioning her would suffice, hinting at her being the babysitter or something among those lines. You'll intrigue possible readers even more with it, everyone loves a potential love interest.
⍋Et compages grammatica damnationem (16.5/20): Bubblebutt, sometimes I swear you go blind when you edit your work before posting it (OF COURSE, I AM JOKING HERE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE). I know you have a demon that possesses you and makes you write 6842387 chapters in five minutes and that editing all of that later is a pain in the ass, but I have to scold you a bit when it comes to grammar.
I don't know how these minor mistakes slip by Grammarly and ProAid, I really don't. All I know is that I want to beat the developers with a slipper until they program the apps properly. What I can see you like to do is have little repetitive words like always, before and similar to those, and sometimes using wrong words completely - common instead of come on, seating instead of sitting (in some cases, not every time so I realise it's a mistake). Take a look at this sentence:
Her grey hair perfectly pulled, displaying the beauty age marks on her skin, while she purses her lips and vanishing from my sight.
It's fishy, I know you know it too. So, take some time to work on that and damn, I'll look up to you even more than I usually do!
⍋Scripto artes (18.5/20): Now, I know you talked with me and think your descriptive skills are lacking, but I don't think that's the case. I imagine the scenes you present me; you have a particular way of painting them in my mind and I think that's one of the greatest assets you possess as a writer! You bring me to my knees with your writing, as you do to many others since the numbers on your books don't lie and I'm so proud of you for it!
The only thing I find odd is this thing you do from time to time, I'll try to explain it in baby words because I don't know the proper terms for all of this, so please bear with me. You refer to someone by their name in the middle of a last sentence when you have their pronoun at the beginning of the first one in the same paragraph. Here's an example:
So I will stay quiet, enjoying the time I spend with her and not letting my emotions grow. Just like now, as we don't speak and no sound except for our breathing (this sentence is a bit wonky as well, don't you agree?). My thoughts drift thinking about Juliet, and that's when I notice the small black dot at the end of the garden.
You see how you referred to Juliet as her at first and then by her name as the paragraph progressed? It's more natural if you did it the other way around so I'm always sure exactly who you're referring to because I do get confused sometimes, especially if there is more than two people in the scene. Of course, this is a personal suggestion so you don't have to go with it if you don't want to.
⍋Influunt (9.5/10): It's almost absolute perfection - you end chapters where you should, whether it's a cliffhanger keeping me at the edge of my seat or a thought that haunts me until you grace us with an update! They are a decent length; it suits the more action-filled plot you have and I can proudly say you did an outstanding job!
The only reason I didn't give you the ten is the uneven paragraphs, it seems like you lose your form when there are intense scenes and you know I'm crazy about that (wink wonk)!
⍋Insidias (20/20): I FUCKING LOVE YOUR PLOTS. YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF PLOTS AND I WILL SAY NOTHING MORE. The only thing I was mad about is this: GIVE ME MORE INSIGHT WHEN HE SEES LOTUS FOR THE FIRST TIME BUBBLEBUTT, IT'S SUCH A SOFT, VULNERABLE MOMENT AND YOU SLIDE RIGHT OVER IT LIKE SOAP IN A TUB!
I freaking know you can do it, that event when Lotus got lost was so well done so I know for a fact that you know how to focus on major plot points! MORE, I'M THIRSTY! Also, I feel like Tae should have tortured Theo more to try to know the info about Kai, it's a lesson for others so straight up killing him isn't as impactful as it could be.
These are literally the littlest of details though, I'm baffled by your brain and the imagination it holds! I love it!
⍋Characteribus (20/20): WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT, FLESHED OUT CHARACTERS! I'm being serious now, you know what you're doing and I know you know that I know that you know it. The character development is spot on, all of their decisions make sense even though I sometimes don't agree with them and that's the beauty of it!
You're making me connect with them and they stay in my mind for a very long time, even after I finish reading your stories. I think that's enough of a proof to you of how good you are. And don't mind the dumb comments about their names or nationalities, okie? Those comments are written by petulant children.
⍋Totalis puncta et summaries: 102.5/110! If you expected anything less, I'll slap you with a slipper filled with love. You are an amazing writer and hey, if you don't know Bubblebutt (only I may call her that by the way) and her masterpieces, what are you doing? Go read them, like, right now! I know why I'm telling you to do it!
Bubblebutt, I love you but I must admit I love your books more. Now bless me with them, please! *giggles*
