Solangelo go to Hogwarts 2

Chaptet 4

It took ages to get Nico to calm down, and they could tell that although he was settled, the effects were still there. Sure, Jason was used to Nico doing weird shit and coming back high, or drunk, or one time just so utterly besotted with Will that he'd sustained a blush for a solid three hours, but when Jason had to stop making out with Piper at lunchtime because Nico started asking how straight sex worked with complete seriousness, he was ready to blow a gasket.

"No seriously," Nico was still going, head on Will's thigh. "Doesn't the whole self lubrication thing gross you out?"

Piper rolled her eyes. "Neeks, I swear to Zeus' dick-"

Jason cut her off immediately, slightly green. "I thought we agreed that we wouldn't swear to any of our parent's...anatomy?"

"Seconded." Will mumbled, a similar colour. "That's my grandad's dick you're talking about there Pipes."

"Yeah that's fair." Piper acquiesced, before she grinned evilly at Annabeth. "I swear to Hera's tits, just because you don't do girls, doesn't mean you can pretend that vaginas are any grosser than ass. The things I've walked in on with you and Will..."

Nico attempted to prop himself up against Will before sliding back to his earlier position. "Hera's got fairly nice tits." He responded absently, ignoring the choked sound Annabeth made. "Not in the straight way. In the whole, they're fairly well proportioned to the rest of her way. Besides, her and my dad have been getting real close lately, and she gave me a hug, and she gives really good hugs."

There was a solid minute of silence before Harry cleared his throat. "Nico..with all the love in the world, what the actual fuck?"

"Well, Young pawdawn." Nico's grinned, clearly pleased with a chance to impress them. "Basically, Hera is a bit of a bitch, right? But also, she's been massively mistreated by her husband, and has no real way to influence anything on earth, because she doesn't have any demigodly children, and people kind of hate her because of her dislike for the results of her husbands infidelity, the only people she can really take her anger out on. So Hades, ultimate gentlemen, and someone with experience is preconceived hatred, is kind of on her side, and recently, Zeus cheated on her again, with some minor goddess of the underworld. Dad caught them, and he yelled at Zeus for a full seven hours. It was a Hephaestus TV special. Since then he and Hera have been getting close because he understands that there are a lot of misconceptions based on the lots she drew, and since she's the goddess of marriage, she can't escape Zeus, so although she wants a perfect family, she not only can't have one, but she's basically sentenced herself to eternal misery."

Everybody stared at him. "Are you faking being high?" Annabeth asked after a moment of thinking. "Because most people couldn't defend Hera that eloquently even fully sober. Most wouldn't want to."

Nico waved a hand. "It's wearing off. Anyway, she's been working with mom and dad to understand polyamory so that she can reach out to Jaybird and apologise and attempt to build a sort of family, so I've been seeing a lot of her."

Jason paused at that, a warm feeling bubbling up in his chest before he shoved it back down. "She'd have to apologise to Annie for everything first. And Pipes, for implanting false memories. And Percy for the whole fiasco with Camp."

"'Seph told her that." Will assured him, flashing a warm smile as the clouds broke and a ray of sunshine lit him up. "She knows she's got to do a lot of groundwork. Hera's actually agreed to officiate our wedding. She wrote our adoption papers for Draco too."

Annabeth nodded slowly, smiling encouragingly at Jason. "Considering she used to say that Neeks doesn't belong and neither does his father, that's a big step for her." She admitted reluctantly.