Roses [h.s]

Chapter 6

"Okay, where do we start?" Harry asks as soon as I enter the living room. He seems to have recovered from his meltdown, but I can't help but notice the redness of his eyes, and the fact that his hair is even more unruly than normal.

"Um, my old rooms got all the boxes." Harry leads the way to my old room, without a single moment of hesitation. As soon as he walks into the room, he sighs in relief.

"Thought there'd be more?" I ask and he nods slowly. There are 6 boxes in total, scattered around the room carelessly. These are the ones I can't bear to touch; they're full of Mum's things and a few of my own, all photos and items that hold too much meaning. Harry's eyes graze over the whole room, before he plops down in front of a couple of boxes and gestures for me to come over.

"Let's get started then." He says, immediately opening the box closest to us. I sit down next to him and together we start emptying the box, working in silence, save for a few questions from Harry about whether or not I want to keep something.

We end up making two piles on the floor, one for things that I'm keeping and one for things that I'm throwing out. The first pile is significantly larger, because almost every single thing I pick up holds a piece of her smile, of her laugh, of the twinkle in her eye. Everything I see reminds me of mum and I'm so thankful that Harry and I aren't speaking, because if I tried to talk, I would cry.

Halfway through the second box, Harry breaks the silence, his voice low and cracking. "I miss her."

I look up at him, and see he's holding a plain photo frame that has a picture of Mum, me, Anne, Gemma and Harry. It used to be on my bedside table so that the last and first thing I saw would always be my family.

"Me too." I manage to say, my throat closing up as I look at my mother's smiling face.

"God, I'm such a horrible person. Your mum did so much for me. She was always there, always believed in me, and I skipped her fucking funeral."

Tears roll down his face, and I have no idea how to react, because he is a horrible person for not coming, and I hate him for it, but I can't stand to see him like this.

It's not until the tears start rolling down my cheeks, that I pull him in for a hug. He nuzzles his head into my neck, soaking my shirt with tears, while I bury my face into his curls, crying just as hard. For a moment the only sound that could be heard were our sobs, neither of us could stop, and neither of us wanted to break the hold.

A large part of me agrees with him. He is a horrible person; for leaving me, for missing the funeral. There's such a long list of things that make him so terrible, but here I am unable to stop myself from comforting him. The tears streaming down his face make me realize that he's hurting as well. "Why weren't you there?"

Harry pulls away slowly and looks at me, his eyes glistening. "I just..." His voice threatens to break, so he clears his throat and begins again. "I just didn't want it to be real, and I tried not to acknowledge the fact that it did happen. For almost two months after I heard, I could barely function and I thought that that was the best way to deal with it. But it wasn't, it just hurt me and it hurt you more."

"Harry, I ... I just needed you. For that one day."

He places his hands softly on my cheeks and wipes my tears away with his thumbs. "God, I know, and I'm so sorry I couldn't be there. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you. And I know I haven't told you anything, but trust me, I regret everything I did to you and your mum. If I could go back in time, I would change everything I did these past few years. I can't though, so I'm here now and I'm going to try to make it up to you. I'm here for you now."

I can't look away from his eyes. His stupid green eyes filled with tears. However much I want to forget the past few years, I don't know what's going to happen, but looking into his stupid eyes I have this overwhelming sense of happiness and hope, and I can't help but think that everything is going to turn out fine.