Roses [h.s]

Chapter 15

Ignoring my feelings isn't going great. I mean, Harry hasn't noticed anything different, so I guess it's technically going fine in that aspect, but I can't stop myself from thinking of him. All the time. When we're together, even when we're apart, I'm constantly reminded of him, and a small part of me is certain that this means this isn't just a small crush. But I try my best to ignore her too.

I'm certain however that I can get things under control, that eventually these feelings will jus disappear. That is until Harry rocks up at my door in a dark double-breasted suit, with a white shirt underneath. He has no tie on, and the first few buttons of the shirt are unbuttoned, his hair is effortlessly styled and as per usual his fingers are adorned with rings. He had heeded my advice, and not dressed flashy, but he still somehow manages to take my breath away. So, when I open the door with half a face of makeup and see Harry standing there ready for the wedding, but looking too good to not stand out, I half accept that my feelings will never go away. I'll see Harry in that suit every time I close my eyes until the day I die.

"Oh, hi." I say, painfully aware that my voice is high and breathless, because he has literally left me speechless. Harry smiles at me, and for a moment we just stand there, before I shake my head and look away from his green eyes, hoping that I'll be able to concentrate more that way. "You look, uh, you look good. Not flashy."

"Thanks, you look lovely."

I look down at my dressing gown, the one that permanently has makeup caked near the neck because I use it for every dance performance I have, and at the old lady slippers I have on. There's also a whole bunch of powder all over my face because I'm barely halfway done with my makeup. So even though I know he's joking and lying, I find myself blushing at his words. Why do I let him have this power over me?

It's not until I feel a cool breeze blow in through the door, that I realize Harry is still standing outside. If he's noticed that it's been a minute and I've left him in the cold, which he surely has, he doesn't let on. I invite him in, trying not to look at the way the tattoos on his chest peek past the edge of his shirt as he walks past me.

"Uh, I've got to finish getting ready, but I think Chloe is in the kitchen making coffee if you want some?"

Harry heads to the kitchen, and when he turns the corner, I take a deep breath, almost feeling dizzy. God why did he have to get here so early? I stagger back to my room, to the sink where all my makeup is set up, waiting. I look in the mirror, at my half-done face and experience an all too familiar feeling of inadequacy. The idea that I'll have to walk in with Harry, in all his Gucci suit beauty, makes me so uncomfortable. Not just because I'll have to spend the entire night trying not to make a fool of myself and profess my love for him, but because it's cemented the idea in my head that there's definitely no way that I can tell him, because he is so out of my league.

I sigh, resisting the urge to put my face in my hands. I put my music on, turning the volume up high enough to force thoughts out of my head. It takes me another ten minutes or so to finish up my makeup, it's not an intricate look but just enough makeup to make it seem like my face goes with the dress that Harry bought me. After cleaning up the bathroom, I go back into my room and take the dress from where it's hanging on the back of my door. I had only taken it out of the box this morning to make sure it wasn't badly creased, because keeping it in the box meant I could ignore the fact that Harry had surely spent a few hundred pounds on this dress.

I take my robe and my slippers off and step into the dress. I struggle a bit with the zip, but I don't want to risk either Chloe or Harry seeing anything I don't want them to, so I fight with it silently until it reaches the top. Even without looking in the mirror yet I can tell that the dress fits perfectly, and I briefly wonder how Harry got my size right, but I don't dwell on it. After I slip on a pair of heels, I take a deep breath as though I'm about to get an injection, and finally turn to see myself in the mirror.

The dress is deep emerald green, a colour that I'm sure Harry picked so that when we stood together, the colour of my dress and the slight greens in his suit would complement each other. The sleeves are long, and slightly loose, but with a thin elastic at the wrist that brings them in. The neckline is square and there's a slight ruching around the chest, like a milkmaid style top, that creates the illusion of me having some boobs rather than just the flat chest of a ballerina. The bodice of the dress is tight, then from the waist the skirt falls down softly to the floor. There's a slit up to about mid-thigh, that shows only a sliver of my leg when I stand still. For a moment I just stare at myself in the mirror, those earlier feelings of inadequacy nowhere to be found, not when I'm in this dress.

When I finally tear myself away from my reflection, I gather my purse, make sure I have everything in there, and then grab the present, before taking one last look at myself in the mirror, as though to double check that I actually look as good as I think I do, before I head out to the living room.

As soon as I walk into the room, it goes quiet, and after a minute I feel myself blushing. At first, I think it's because it's obvious that Chloe and Harry have been talking about me, as soon as they heard me coming in their heads both snapped up to look at me. I immediately panic that Chloe has told Harry what I told her, even though I know that she would never do that to me. Then I realise that I'm blushing because since I walked in, Harry has just been staring at me with a soft smile but hasn't said a word.

"Uh, do I look okay?" I say, suddenly self-conscious, licking my teeth to wipe away imaginary lipstick stains on them.

"You look beautiful." Harry replies, smiling widely as he stands up and steps toward me, not looking away from me. I'm vaguely aware of Chloe nodding and smiling in the background, but I can't stop looking at how god damn green his eyes are. For a moment I stare at him breathlessly, trying to make my brain comprehend the fact that Harry just called me beautiful, in a soft voice that made my knees weak.

"It's the dress." Finally, I manage to string some words together, and look away from him. Today is going to be a long day.

"Dress wouldn't be half as lovely without you in it." He says the words so softly that I almost think I misheard him, but when I look up, he's looking at me earnestly. I remind myself that he's just being a good friend, to not read too much into it, but that's hard to do when he's smiling at me like that. It's a lot easier when I turn away from him and look at Chloe who's smirking at me knowingly.

"Well, I think you guys better be going, don't want to be late." Chloe says, sounding like a mother trying to get her kids to finally leave her alone. With Harry's back towards us as he sees how far away the Uber is, Chloe smirks and raises her eyebrows, mouthing the words "tell him." I glare at her, but she simply smiles back.

"Driver's here. See you Chloe." Harry turns back to us, taking the present from my hands and tucking it under one arm, before holding out his other hand or me to take.

I kiss Chloe goodbye before I take his hand, ignoring the shiver that runs down my spine when I do, and let him lead me to the door. A sleek black car is waiting for us on the street outside, and in the moment before Harry opens the door for me, I catch a glimpse of us in the tinted windows. Seeing us in that moment, standing on the curb, wearing coordinated outfits, hands clasped together; in that split second, I don't have to try hard to imagine us as a couple. And then I hold back a sigh as I'm reminded of how difficult it's going to be to pretend that I don't want that.