Wallflower Ink

Chapter 8

· Merri ·

It's Monday, the start of a new week and the beginning of a very long day. After a breakfast of pancakes, bacon, and black coffee--during which Jace had said very little--I had joined him in the living room of my house.

He had deftly measured the area he would be working on, jotting down measurements as if he were an architect preparing for a build. By the time I'd left, he was already hard at work on the first of his stencils. I'd left in silence, without so much as a goodbye.

It's best to think of him this way, as if he's not a guest in my home but a contractor here to complete a complicated job. It will make keeping him at arm's length easier, not to mention it will guard me from accidentally letting him know how much I actually know about him, his situation, and his family in general. As far as I'm concerned, that will be a secret I'll take with me to my grave. Better he be left in the dark than start asking questions I'm not willing to answer.

As I pull out of my drive, I go over the mental list I have prepared. My first stop will be the agency; today I will let them know that my indefinite leave of absence will be permanent.

I have already waited too long to do this, and putting it off any further isn't fair to the people who are picking up the slack for my sabbatical. They need to find a replacement for me, and each day I hold them back is another day the entire office will be overloaded. It's not fair to my colleagues, nor is it fair to the families who are depending on them. It will be hard for me to walk away from my responsibilities, but in my heart I know it's for the best. I can't help others if I'm not even able to help myself. Better to let go of my dreams than to endanger the life of another child.

Already I have failed too many, and I won't take a chance that it could happen again.

Once I collect my things from work and say my goodbyes, I'll have to make an impromptu visit to my mom. It will be unusual for me to just drop by to see her, but it won't necessarily garner suspicion. I do occasionally drop by, so my doing so today shouldn't pose too many questions.

My main goal is to keep Mamma Sophie's misgivings at bay. The last thing I need is for her to stop by to check on me, only to find Jace hard at work.

I grimace at the thought. I can imagine my mother's reaction, coming through the front door to find me stretched out, face down on a worn out massage table, my back completely bare and being meticulously marred by Jace. She would either have a stroke, or I would have to find a good lawyer, a lot more money, and all the body parts Sophie'd scattered about the room while ripping Jace apart barehanded.

While I might not want his friendship, that doesn't mean I want him dead. And if I don't plan everything perfectly that could very well be his fate.

A blaring horn startles me out of my thoughts. I look in the rear view mirror at the truck that has nearly crawled into my trunk. The angry young man behind the wheel makes a twirling gesture with his hand, a 'shit or get off the pot' gesture if I've ever seen one. I look to the speedometer to find the bright orange hand firmly wedged somewhere between forty and forty five. I groan, wave an apology out my window, then press on the accelerator. The hand creeps steadily back up to sixty and I shake my head.

"Get it together, Merri."

For the remainder of my drive, I keep my thoughts as far from Jace and my mom as I can get them. By the time I reach my destination, I have regained my professionalism. I enter Morgan County's Department of Child Welfare office without further incident.