Wallflower Ink

Chapter 39

· Merri ·

"So, you want me to jump with you or not?" Byron asks again after I don't answer the first time.

I shake my head. My mind has been wandering again, even though I've been trying my best to pay attention. The closer we draw to the airfield, the more I seem to unravel. But we are nearly there. I am sure I can keep it together until then.

"No, thank you, Byron. I appreciate the offer, but I think I need to do this on my own." I try not to look him too long in the eye. I am too close to my end goal to let him become suspicious of my true motives now.

He nods in understanding then sits back from the table. "Sometimes we all have to fight our demons alone. I'm proud of you for that."

I smile lightly at him, though his words become a new nervous flutter in my stomach. The last thing I need at this moment are such kind words from him or anyone else. I don't need anything else to make me question my plans. Already there are enough doubts running through my mind, but not so many as yet to outweigh my decision.

"So what's after this?" he asks.

"I haven't decided yet. There are only a few things left I haven't done. I think I'll worry with this one first."

"I understand. This one is pretty big."

I pick up my glass from the table and take a drink, glad to see my hand remains steady. I set it back down then pick up the check.

"It's my turn. You paid last time." Byron nods his head in consent. We have never argued over things like this, possibly because he knows it will be a hard battle fought with me, with very little to gain from the effort if he wins.

I lay a few bills on the table as a generous tip for our server, then Byron links his arm through mine as he walks me to the register. After I pay, we make our way to his truck, then head North again. He turns on the radio and taps his finger against the steering wheel in time with the song playing.

As he occupies himself with the music, I occupy my thoughts with the harness details I'd studied in depth months ago. I never go into anything unprepared, and I'm not about to do it over something so important as this. I know the ins and outs of each buckle, each strap, each pad, and especially the portion they call the cage. Though I know how each belt is cinched and each cord is tightened, I will be paying meticulous attention while I am being fitted for my jump.

"What are you thinking so hard about over there?"

I smile at not having to lie to him again. "The tandem harness."

"I'm guessing you probably already know everything about one of those." He glances at me and gives me a knowing smile. "It wouldn't be like you not to research the subject to death."

"Of course."

He laughs at that and shakes his head. "I don't know if you'll enjoy this or not, but you'll definitely never forget it. I remember the first time I jumped ..."

I listen to my brother as he describes in detail his own skydiving experiences, and I allow a soft smile to escape me. This is a good memory, this moment. Talking with Byron, listening to his laughter. I wonder idly if he feels the same. I hope he does. There are too many bad things that happen in this world--good moments and good memories help to balance them out. I hope for him that he has more than his share of those.