Fifteen

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sixteen years old

We leave the camp with no more hindrances. Jack and I take our usual seats in the far back of the van. We share a blanket and hold hands the whole way home. It's just nice.

Now that Jack has his driver's license, my parents let him drive me home once we get back. We unload in the church parking lot and everyone else goes home with their parents or siblings. Jack and I are the only ones who can drive ourselves. All the other older kids either stopped going to camp or moved away, which Jack says is halfway odd and 75% coincidental.

I don't live that far away, so our conversation about options is short-lived. Jack doesn't want to come out simply because he's lazy. We're both very aware that his parents are cool with anything and everything. I don't think he would even need to come out. He could just tell them we're together and that would be that. It's so frustrating.

I can't. I just can't. But I also don't think I can pretend everything is normal. It's so much better than normal. Normal was so suffocating.

We get to my house and are immediately ambushed by my mother. She inspects my face and tells me that she's been worried sick. My father simply hangs back and stares unemotionally. I get uncomfortable, and I guess Jack can tell because he says, "Hey, any chance you'd let Ty stay at my house tonight?"

"You guys just got home," Susie says. She's holding the Barbie I got for her birthday. It was mostly a joke because she keeps insisting that she's getting too old for toys but she seems to like it a lot.

My parents nod in agreement. I leave Jack down there to distract them while I lug my stuff back up to my room. I don't know if I actually want to stay with him tonight. We just spent a week together and, given the new developments of our relationship, it's a little bit more awkward when we're alone.

I'm barely halfway up the stairs when Jack bounds up after me. He grabs my heavy bag and throws it up onto his shoulder without breaking pace. I get up the stairs a lot faster without it. Jack must be the most convincing person in the world, because he tells me gleefully that my parents said yes.

He makes sure to give me the option not to. We both know that his parents won't be home until tomorrow afternoon. Jack knows me too well to set something like that up on purpose. I trust him. Neither of us have gone that far with anyone and we're not there yet with each other.

I do want to stay the night, though. Which kind of surprises me. It'll give us time to talk. And give me time to get out of the house to talk to Kaylee.

I'm not looking forward to that. She's a nice person. She doesn't deserve this. Alright, she's not even a remotely nice person. But she's decent to me. I don't want to do this to her. What am I even supposed to say to her?. Jack and I talked about it on the way back from camp, but he's never had to break up with anyone. I don't know how I'm going to get through this.

Jack and I stay in the whole night, though. It's all completely innocent. He looks like he wants to kiss me and I kind of want to kiss him, but I think it would hurt with my lip like this. The wound reopened when I attempted to consume an ice cream cone.

We watch movies until we fall asleep in his bed. I barely think of Kaylee all night.

Turns out, staying up so late was a bad idea. I keep nodding off in church. Jack is on my left and Delilah is on my right. They both have to keep elbowing me to keep me awake. Our system works pretty well until Pastor Travis brings up the whole gay thing.

I'm wide awake now. Because every single kid from the youth group turns to look at me. I panic. I wish Jack would give me his hand but I also don't. It would give everything away.

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