So basically it's my journal and I am gonna write down all my feelings in it. It's really my personal stuff. Sounds stupid but yeah..... contains mentions of anxiety ,stress and personal problems....I don't want anyone to read it. So I want to decla...
Hi guys. Hope you are doing well. As I already said,I don't want anyone's sympathy,it's just a way to my way vent out everything. You don't have to read it cause It's just pathetic stuff. Please ...Please don't hate me in case to read it.
So the topic is Overthinking. Hmm........Over Thinking. Sometimes I think that if Overthinking was an Art ,then I would have been a great artist. Like my name would have been in Guinness book of World Records, I would had recieved Noble Prizes, Oscars etc. etc. in this particular field, but there is nothing like that in the world we live.
I don't know actually from where to start But I know the one thing that started all this is my over thinking. Childhood is the best part of everyone's life.....fun filled days and no tensions. Even for me too. Yeah I was also very happy but gradually I started realising something was wrong. I don't know I should admit it publicly or not , I am afraid maybe everyone reading it will start hating me after this....but I think I deserve it.
Recently, something happened with me and it changed everything. I am not ready to admit it yet. Only my best friend and my two online brothers whom I met on a game named Clash Of Clans (Coc).
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(It's not any breakup or bla bla bla stuff. I am a single pringle)
Actually that thing is very petty, I might be a petty problem and I might have over thought it but trust me I was never the same person After this. I am very lonely and I need friends. I wanted to socialise, I try to show my love and care but guess I get way too clingy because when I get a friend, I get attached to them but I am afraid that they will leave me. I have this habit of thinking 2 + 2 something beyond 4.
I know it's the cycle of life that people will come and go ,but I can't cooperate with that process. I thought after this incident, I will become strong but instead I have become even weaker. Now the situation is, I am feeling very ignored since two months...I am getting depressed. I just have limited people to talk to and when I get ignored by them. I start overreacting. I mean, I start to think that they will leave me as well.
I don't want to get attached to anyone now, because regardless of how much they say that they won't leave, they will leave. I will be left lonely,sulking and grieving all alone.I am an asshole, I don't know how to move on, how to forget, I just get stuck in my past.
Actually I am misfit,I want to be friends but the next person often doesn't think the same actually. I was never good at socialising. When everyone is talking a out something, I also want to talk but I don't know what to say, I am just left out and hidden in the shadow of brighter people . When no one is saying anything I have lots of words to say. I am a cry baby, I just get disappointed by mere thing and I start crying and I think everyone makes fun of me except my limited friends. I can't tackle any situation. But since I am misfit, attention seeking flows just through my veins. I have lots of expectations and this is the reason for my hurt.
When I make a friend, the only thing I think about is What if they leave me. I just be can't be friends with a person who already has lots of friends. It's not jealousy but I am just scared that they will forget me when they will get someone who is better than me.
