modern life is rubbish | d.a

eleven: "you think they're asleep?"

"you think they're actually asleep?" alex mumbled, slowly creeping into the room, accompanied by graham and dave. the typical scent of cigarettes and alcohol circled the room, only this time much more compelling - as if someone just put out a smoke. the boys tip-toed into the room, avoiding the chance of waking us up.

"it's pretty obvious they are, alex," graham replied, staring at alex with a you're-so-stupid look, earning a slap from alex on his shoulder. he turned to look at both me and damon, stuck in an embrace, both vastly consumed by our sharing-la's. a smile was brought to his face, knowing he was the reason for this happening.

"okay what are we going to do though, we can't rehearse with them sleeping," dave said, stumbling to the seat by the controls. there was a distressing look on alex's face, his lip devoured by his teeth, a clear sight that he was agitated by the situation at hand. no-one had replied to dave's comment, the air being filled by tensive silence - both boys were eyeing alex's movements.

stirring in my spot, i opened my eyes slightly, noticing my surroundings. the pungent aroma of  rolled tobacco flooded my nose as i attempted to stretch my body - regardless of the scarce amount of space i had. i was on the studio couch, with an arm wrapped around me. recalling last nights events, the dancing, the continuous chatting, the smoking. a tired smile was plastered on my face, realising damon's arm was clung onto me. the same arm that clung onto my arm so dearly all throughout the previous night, as if he was afraid he'd lose me if he let go. as i shifted around, i began to hear little whispers in the room. swiftly, i escaped damon's compassionate grasp. i was welcomed to the sight of the rest of damon's bandmates, all staring at the both of us on the sofa.

rubbing my eyes, i was speechless. my hand snaked to the back of my neck, as i scratched it. eyes wandering around the room, i fixed my stare to the old clock glued to the wall - 2pm. i looked to graham, who had a soft smile painted on his face. i replied with the same, trying to fix my shirt that had risen up in my slumber.

"god... i- we definitely lost track of time then," i joked, trying to fix the restrained atmosphere, in which i failed miserably. sitting awkwardly, i fiddled with my hands, feeling the newly shaven parts of my nails since i had grown a habit of biting my nails once i was anxious. stiffily, i tried stretching my back out, a sudden ache pouring into my nerves due to the bad sleeping position.

my gaze shifted onto alex, whom i hadn't managed to lock eyes with yet. i noticed his disturbed character, on the edge of his seat, like he was about to do something but wondered whether he'd regret it in the aftermath of it. "alex, you alright?" i quesetioned, hoping he would look at me. he didn't.

the four of us sat in silence for the majority of ten minutes, aching for the awkwardness to ware off. i felt damon shift in his stance, extending his arms out and yawning. our eyes connected, a lazy smile splattered on his features as he pursued trying to drag me back to entwine with him. i resented - although my body was aching for it - him not recognising the swarm of eyes gaping at the both of us.

angrily, alex grabbed damon's shoulder, huffing. "c'mon damon, get up," he said, animosity laced in his words. my eyes widened at his rough approach, graham and dave sharing the same astoundedness as me.

damon, bewildered at the scene, moved into a sitting position on the couch, his legs wide apart. he turned to look at me, a puzzled look on his face. i shrugged my shoulders in responce, the silence beginning to ache my ears. i held stiff breaths, continuously finding the need to gulp from the lack of air.

all of a sudden, the sound of the door being unlocked fought the silence in the room. it revealed one of their producers, steve, who was helping them record their album. he stared at the four boys, then me, all sat in a deathly silence and rolled his eyes. "are we going to just sit in silence or can we actually get some stuff done?"

~~~

during the recording session, the tension in the air had never dropped. it proceeded to become excessively unbareable, to the point i wasn't able to read a page of my novel for school. alex continued sending damon distasteful glances, and avoided his gaze at me. it was like that for an hour straight, every minute seemingly growing longer and longer. i saw damon's helpless stares at the clock getting more and more frequent, graham's repetitive sighs, occasionally locking eyes with me and making funny faces, and dave's frustration, shown in his drumming which effortlessly got sloppier and sloppier. why does the worst have to happen, just after me and damon made up?

"stop, just stop... what the fuck is going on in here?" steve abruptly yelled, causing me to jolt in my seat. "if we're going to record an album, we can't have all your mopey faces around, alright? you wanted to record it, so cheer up!"

after the words had left his mouth, alex immediately stormed out of the studio. the producer eyed him as he chased out the room - scoffing quietly at his behaviour. his scoff wasn't in the usual, making-fun-of type way, rather a confused one, not understanding half of the situation, like the rest of us. "someone, please tell me what's going on,"

exhaling, i stood up from my seat, flexing my wrist. "i'll go talk to him,"

walking out of that room, i felt the stares of everyone burning onto my back. i, like everyone else, were i exhaled sharply once again, before opening the door and strolling out, finding alex right beside the exit of the building. slowly approcahing him, he turned around from staring outside the window and connected eyes with me.

"hey, alex, what's wrong?" i asked gingerly, eventually standing next to him.

he gritted his teeth as he glanced out the window once again, intently staring at a car driving past the road. "nothing,"

"no, you cannot say 'nothing' when you just rushed out the room. tell me what's wrong," i almost shouted, rolling my eyes. i grabbed his shoulder, resulting in him swinging his head - looking at me. i raised my eyebrows, shaking my head in a way to say 'go on'.

licking his bottom lip, he breathed in before speaking up. "you honestly don't want to know, trust me," he shook my hand off his shoulder, before pushing past me and walking to the door for the men's room.

"i do want to know, that's why i came out here, now alex, just tell me," i begged, irritation interwined in my words.

face palming, he heaved, softly banging his hand on the door. "god! i like you, okay? and seeing you... with damon like that hurt, alright? you wanted to know that?"

oh god...