I WISH THAT I COULD TELL YOU

Chapter 17 - in which Shawn thought he couldn't love her more

"I'm going to have a quick shower, if that's OK?"  Camila said, sniffing the shirt that Max had thrown up on at least twice.  Good, that worked for him, he smiled and told her to go ahead.  As he got his gift prepared for her, he thought about the last twenty four hours. How many times since he had met her had he thought he couldn't love her more, and then something would happen, he'd look at her, and he'd think, nope, today I love her even more, even though that doesn't seem possible?  He couldn't keep the smile from his face.  Still, he was nervous, wondering if she'd like his gift.  He'd find out soon enough.

***

When she walked into the living room, she noticed the lights were down.  She couldn't see him there, but she noticed there were candles out by the pool so she went out there.

Shawn sat on the edge of the pool, his pants rolled up, dangling his feet.  She kicked off her shoes and rucked up her skirt and sat beside him.

"Hi," he said, smiling at her.  "Feel better now?"

"Yep, all baby fluids washed away."

"It's been hard to have any time alone lately, I thought I'd make the most of it."

"Are we going to exchange gifts?"  She was nervous, unsure whether he'd like it.

"Soon, how about something to eat first?" 

She was about to mention something about being unable to eat a thing after that huge lunch, but as if to dispute that claim, her stomach grumbled and they both laughed.  He held her hand to help her up and she turned around to see he had set the table with a checked tablecloth, a bottle of red wine was sitting ready to be poured.  It looked exactly like the table on the beach for their first date.  He took her hand and helped her to her feet.

"Shawn...." She was in awe.  A pile of foil covered containers sat on the table and he opened each one to show her it was the same dishes as they had eaten that night.  He had arranged for them to be delivered from the hotel where they'd eaten lunch.

"Not from the same restaurant, although I did consider having them flown in from LA, but you know it's Christmas, so nope."

"This is.....amazing!" she said.  They ate the antipasto and drank some wine and then they enjoyed the pasta.  After that, he took her hand.

"Let's go for a walk around our garden.  Not exactly the beach, but no-one walking their dogs either."  She laughed and he held her hand as they walked around the yard.  They got to the little spot where she liked to meditate, and where he often joined her.  He turned and pulled her into his arms.

"I'm going to kiss you now," he said softly, and this time he didn't give her the chance to jump in, he bent and kissed her, one of these new, amazing kisses they had been perfecting lately.  She felt her heart swell as his mouth moved sensuously over hers, then she opened her mouth, inviting him to deepen it, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Dessert," he said softly, and smiling, they walked back to the table and sat and ate their tiramisu.  Camila was nervous, but she wanted to give her gift first, and said so.  He looked relieved and agreed. 

"You have to come with me," she said.  She wished the song was on guitar, but she wasn't lugging the keyboard all the way to the garden so he would have to come to the music room.  She had him sit comfortably and she sat in front of the keyboard, and she began to sing.  The song was a love song, a love song to him, and not just about how much she loved him, but about how he filled her world, he had given her children, saved her from danger, and from the black abyss of depression, he worshipped her body, he respected her mind, he recognised her soul.  The song was the most deeply personal song she'd ever written, let alone sung, and when it finished, she sat there, terrified it was a silly gift.  He was a songwriter after all.  But this was how she had originally planned on telling him how much she loved him, and she hoped he understood.