Jaylor One Shots

Pace Like a Ghost

Taylor gasps for air as she is awoken startles awake from a nightmare that has plagued her dreams. She'd had to watch some of the people closest to her walk out of her life - including Joe. What hurts the most is that the people she'd had to watch leave, have actually left. All for except Joe. She just can't get the nagging thought out of her head that maybe he'll be next. She is so scared to lose him, he means so so much to her. And she still doesn't understand why so many people just walked out on her, but at the same time she can't quite understand why some have stayed. Her heart is beating erratically in her chest and she feels tears slipping down her face. She can't breathe, her mind is running at a million miles an hour - her fingers tightly gripping the bedsheets. She shakily swings her legs over the edge of the bed, careful to not wake up Joe as she slips out of the room. Taylor makes her way downstairs, her arms hugging her body tight as her anxieties continue to heighten. 

Once she's safely downstairs, and away from the risk of waking anyone up - she begins pacing the room, unsure of what to do with herself. She's terrified of what's happening to her, hates every time it does. Her entire body is trembling and she can't control it. She can't stop her very loud and anxious thoughts. 

"Oh god." She mumbles shakily under her breath, trying her best to gain control of her thoughts, to talk some reason into herself but she's completely lost control of herself. She paces back and forth, trying to keep herself from collapsing onto the floor. All her fears of losing Joe are catching up with her, she'd thought she was past all of this - but her dream has clearly triggered her fears of losing him. She feels her chest constricting and she clutches at it, gripping her shirt tightly, desperately trying to ease some of the tension. Tears are still spilling out of her eyes and her heart is pounding in her chest. She moves her hands up to her arms - digging her fingernails deep into her skin, trying to bring her mind back to reality. She doesn't know what to do. She continues pacing for a few minutes, her mind racing, her body ready to collapse onto the ground at any moment. Suddenly, a voice calls out behind her, stopping her in her tracks.

"Taylor?" Her back is turned to him and she holds her breath for a moment, hoping he won't be able to pick up on her laboured breathing. She can hear his footsteps coming closer to her but she finds herself rooted to the spot, unable to turn around and face him. He walks around her before facing her. She sees his eyes widen when he takes in her appearance. "Taylor?!" He repeats himself, seeming slightly more panicked - but she can't force any words out. Her mind is reeling and her body is still shaking, tears streaming down her face. When she still hasn't said anything Joe simply wraps his arms firmly around her, gently rubbing her back. She just cries harder, trying to calm her breathing.

"Shh love, just breathe with me okay?" He murmurs softly. She tries to mimic his breathing, to focus on his warm touch. Eventually - when she feels herself slowly gaining control again - she unwinds her arms from digging into her skin and clutches onto him.

"I don't want to lose you, please don't leave me!" She bursts out, sobbing uncontrollably once more. Joe just continues holding her close, tracing gentle patterns on her skin under her shirt in an effort to comfort her. 

"I'm not going anywhere." He murmurs, she feels his lips in her hair. Her legs just want to collapse but Joe holds onto her, keeping her upright. She closes her eyes, doing her best to just focus on him - that he's still here. That her dream in nowhere near reality. 

Eventually, Taylor's mind properly slows down and all she can do is slump into Joe's arms, having no energy to grip his shirt anymore - or even slightly hold herself up. She just feels completely drained. He quickly lifts her up, carrying her carefully over to the couch and sitting down, pulling her into his lap. She rests her head against his chest, listening to the steady, rhythmic beat of his heart. It helps hearing that, she feels her own heartbeat return to normal, her breathing evening out completely. She lets her eyes close for a moment, a sigh escapes her lips - not really knowing what to say but relieved she's not having a panic attack anymore. She'd forgotten how bad they could be, she hasn't had a big one like that in a while and it bothers her that she'd let herself get that worked up over a dream. Joe is gently running his fingers through her hair, pressing intermittent kisses to the crown of her head. Taylor gratefully welcomes the warmth his body brings her, allowing herself to take comfort in his arms as she snuggles in closer to him. She knows he isn't going to pressure her into talking - something she's so grateful for. 

"You alright love?" He whispers softly, pressing another kiss to her head. She nods into his chest, still not having the energy to do much else. Taylor feels embarrassed by her panic attack, she's mad at herself for having it - even more so that Joe witnessed it. The two of them continue to sit in silence for a little while, until Taylor finally works up the courage to speak.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get that worked up." She mumbles in a small voice while Joe continues to play with her hair.

"You don't need to apologise, you're allowed to freak out and I'm glad I was able to be there for you." His words hold no judgement and she feels a small smile form on her face, she really knows that he loves her when he says things like that. He's seen her at her worst, and he's still her. 

"I had a bad dream." She whispers, her voice quivering slightly. She feels Joe tighten his grip around her, letting her know he's here for her which she's so appreciative of.

"I'm so sorry love." He murmurs gently, "Do you want to tell me about it?" Taylor stays silent for a while, unsure if she's ready to tell him or not. She knows it was irrational, knows they love each other and she doesn't want to upset him by going on about her fears surrounding the whole thing again - wondering if she's fallen too deep too fast, afraid of what might happen if they do ever break up. Joe sits silently, patiently waiting for her to open up - continuing to hold her tight. 

Eventually she decides that it's not a good idea to hold all this inside, so she tells him. She tells him about her nightmare and how it manifested in her mind to a very real fear. She speaks so softly that it's a surprise he can properly hear her. But he does. And he holds her, kisses the crown of her head and gently rubs her back when he feels her getting choked up. But most importantly, he lets her finish. He doesn't interrupt her - or try and hurry along her feelings. He just listens and doesn't interject. When she finishes, she musters up the courage to meet his eyes. She can see his genuine sympathy, his desire to prove to her that he's here for her. 

"Taylor, I love you so much." He gently strokes her cheek, wiping away stray tears. "I promise you, I'm not going to leave you. Being with you is the most important thing to me and I understand you've been hurt in the past, I know you've been through so much messed up shit but I'm here, I always will be. I promise." His words have sprung tears into her eyes, she sinks her head to bury her face into his chest. Joe stops rubbing her back, instead engulfing her with both his arms, holding her as close to him as he can. She's never felt so grateful for being tightly pressed up against his body - feeling safe, as though nothing could ever hurt her again. She feels secure in his arms. 

After a while, Taylor tilts her head back, looking into his blue eyes. She knows hers are still filled with tears but she desperately wants to look at him.

"I love you, thank you so much for staying with me - even through all the crazy shit. Even though I don't make it easy sometimes." She mumbles before bringing her lips to his, softly kissing him. 

"I love you too. So much Taylor, I'll always stay - I promise. I've never loved anyone the way I love you and nothing will ever change that." She smiles, throwing her arms around his neck, pressing her face against his shoulder. She feels his head rest against hers - the two holding each other close. It doesn't take long before she slowly feels her eyes begin to droop. The panic attack has exhausted her - not only that but it's the middle of the night and they should both be asleep right now. She feels Joe pick her up, carrying her back up to their bedroom. He lays her down, gently pulling the covers up over her before climbing in beside her. Taylor instinctively curls up against him, smiling when she feels his arms pull her close once more. She falls asleep almost instantly, cuddled up with Joe and feeling hugely better than when she'd first woken up.