Mine, To Begin With!

32. Let's face each other

           "Beam, look at me", Forth said softly. 

           Beam bit his lower lip and refused to look at Forth even though his heart had already started to melt at the soft voice. 

          "Let's face each other, Beam. You can't avoid me forever", Forth tried again. 

           "I wasn't avoiding you", Beam said without looking at Forth, "I was giving up on you", he said coldly. 

           Forth's heart sank hearing the cold words from Beam, "Not yet..", he whispered with a sad smile, "You have given your best in this... in us. So, you have the eligibility to give up on a fool like me. But I haven't even started yet, Beam. Give me a chance to start"

          "Why the hell should I give you a chance?", Beam asked raising his eyes to look at Forth.

          "Because I realized that what I did to you is no longer a mistake but it is a choice I made", Forth paused and took a deep breath, "The choice for which I will never forgive myself, Beam. I had the greed to have you but not the courage to hold on to you. The least of reasons I could give you is my cowardice and the only best reason I have right now is.. I love you, Beam", Forth said looking directly into Beam's eyes.

          Beam stood stunned hearing the words he longed to hear from Forth. But sadly, it pained his heart more than the happiness he felt for it.

         Phana straightened himself from the table and looked at Forth and Beam in surprise. Kit held Phana's wrist and shook his head slowly. He pulled Phana back and made him sit near him on a chair. He observed Phana carefully and he could see just surprise on his friends face.

         "I know I have hurt you badly, Beam. And I know that I am to be blamed for whatever happened. I was stupid and scared. I know that I don't even have the rights to seek forgiveness from you", Forth said admitting his mistakes without hesitation, "But, Beam, please give me a chance to redeem myself. I assure you that I am not the person who repeats the same mistake twice".

           Beam looked at Forth with the same blank expression and Forth's confidence started to falter yet again. But he pulled himself together and returned Beam's gaze with determination and resolve.

           "Why did you leave me without a word at the practice hall?", Beam asked after few seconds.

           Beam got to know what happened at the practice hall through Phana later. But he wanted to hear Forth's reason.

            "I didn't mean to leave you behind. Pha stormed out of the practice hall saying he won't participate in the competition and I had to stop him. Wouldn't you have done the same if it was Lam?", Forth asked timidly. 

           "I would have informed you before running behind Lam. I would have said something, anything.. like.. 'wait for me' or 'I will be back soon' or 'I will call you'... something", Beam hissed in anger. 

          Forth nodded, "I wanted to. I saw you after two days and I didnt expect you there suddenly. I had so much in my mind and I didn't know how to react. My mind became blank and I panicked. I should have said something like you said. I shouldn't have left without a word and I am ashamed of myself for running away from there", he explained feeling bad. 

          Phana frowned in confusion listening to the conversation. Kit started stroking Phana's wrist and gauged every reaction on Phana's face. He wasn't sure about Phana's feelings yet. But he found out who Forth liked. 

          After Kit brought Beam back to their dorm from the practice hall, he saw Forth coming to their dorm that night. He saw Forth waiting in front of their dorm continuously for the next two nights. Since all three of them stayed in the same dorm building and same floor, Kit was not sure if Forth was waiting for Beam or Phana. But eventually he understood that Forth was there for Beam.