What If...(Grey's Anatomy x Reader)

The First Always Hurt the Most

---Dr. Y/N's POV---

We finally finished scrubbing which felt like forever cause Dad wouldn't stop singing that one song that goes like chicken wing chicken wing hot dog and bologna chicken and macaroni chilling with my homie. (Side note- if y'all get this stop spending so much time on TikTok) Every time on the chilling with my homie part he would bump his hip into my side which would make me slip then have to re-scrub which is a fun time. After father's mini-concert we finally headed into the OR  where we gowned and gloved up and got ready to defuse the "mini-bomb" inside this man's head. 

We made our way to the patient's head and Dad looked at Bokhee where he gave a thumbs up and she took out the camera and took a picture of us. My Dad looks at me and says, "Let's get this show on the road Little Me!." "It's a beautiful day to save lives." I stole his thunder and if it wasn't for the mask he was wearing he would be catching bugs in his mouth since it was wide open. "Excuse me that's my line"  "You gotta be quicker than that." He rolls his eyes then says "Ten Blade" to me. I comply of course handing him the blade and we that tiny incision we are underway. 

---TIME SKIP TO THE CLIPPING---

Everything has gone perfectly up to this moment we just put the microcatheter through the catheter and made our way up to the location of the aneurysm to get ready to place platinum coils when all of sudden his heart rate starts tanking. "The aneurysm ruptured we have to open him up and stop the bleeding!" My dad yells at everyone at starts opening the skull to get to the bleeding. We have him opened and we see the bleeding. Dad is trying his best to stop the bleeding but there was too much and it just kept coming. "There's too much!! We're not going to be able to stop it!!" I say while Dad keeps throwing lab pads and I'm sucking as much as I can with the vacuum sucker. "We have to keep trying Y/N." Then all you can hear is the dreadful long beep letting us all know that he is gone and there's no way of bringing him back now. "Time of death 13:47." Dad says frusturated throwing the towel in defeat and storming out of there. I just continued to look at the patient. He's gone one minute he was fine and going to make it through with flying colors then the next his aneurysm ruptured and he's gone. I've seen cadavers before in medical school, but the faces were always covered and we never knew them when they were alive. I struggled wrapping my head around this an hour ago I was talking to this man telling him that about the procedure and seeing him smile, and in the next hour I'm looking at his lifeless body on an OR table. 

I must've been staring too long because one of the OR nurses started tapping my shoulder asking if I was okay. I wasn't. I felt the tears whelling up in my eyes and I walked out to scrub out. Dad wasn't in there, he probably was still angry and left as quickly as possible. As I was scrubbing out I let it all out the tears, the stress, realization that I won't always be perfect and mistakes will happen. I realized how fragile life really is and that not everything has a happy ending, I realized how lucky I really am and how I shouldn't complain as much as I should. I took a moment in there and looked at my life I'm the oldest of my siblings so I always have had to be the role model for all of them and be more mature for my age. I've always played it safe, never took risks except for that one night, I can't keep playing it safe cause who knows when it will be my last moments on Earth. 

I walked out of the scrub room with only one person on my mind, Andrew DeLuca.