Wingless (KuroTsuki)

9

Tsukishima was more quiet than he had been the past few days when it came to breakfast. He didn't feel like eating, but he did anyways, just not too much so that he didn't feel sick. Tetsurou was right beside him, Tadashi on his other side. Bokuto was talking with Akaashi and Kuroo, and Hinata with Kenma and Yamaguchi, the four sitting across from them on the other side of the table.

Kei didn't particularly feel like talking, he didn't really know what he felt like. There was just this sort of dull, empty feeling inside. He'd felt it somewhat before, but now that he was out of the room and around other people it seemed to have intensified. He hated being around people — strangers especially — and it was worse as lots of people had heard something about what happened even if it wasn't necessarily the truth. Their eyes as they glanced at him, the things they whispered under their breath as he passed by; all the things that weren't really noticeable to anyone but him, they made him feel like he was going to go insane in a way. Tsukishima didn't know if it was him imagining it all or whether it was real, nor did he know what he'd prefer to be true.

He had thought he would be able to be fine, that since he had Tetsurou and Bokuto and Tadashi that he would be okay. He had meant it when he'd told Kuroo he'd be fine, since he had believed from the bottom of his heart that he could be. The truth was, they weren't the cure to everything going on inside his head. Now that he was out in the open, the little bit of happiness he had felt had crumbled away, His hand and side ached, and he wouldn't lie that he wanted to be close to Kuroo now.

But there was the other thing he had become more conscious of, and it was tearing him up. The whispers and disgusted looks sent his way, their cruel words. Tsukishima didn't have a problem with his own sexuality, and he didn't try to hide it if anyone asked. It wasn't like he was openly expressing it to other people in general, but other people seemed to be picking up on it, probably because of how close he was with the people he was friends with. Even if they didn't know for sure, because of him Kuroo and Bokuto and Yamaguchi were being talked about too.

It wasn't anyone from Karasuno, of course (they were pretty much all not straight, and if not were accepting), and the players on Fukurodani and Nekoma weren't doing it either. But the managers and players from other teams, they talked a lot when they thought they weren't being noticed or heard. Perhaps he was just imagining it, since he was never close enough to hear the whole conversation, but he really didn't know. Especially since Kuroo didn't seem to be noticing it, or if he was he wasn't mentioning it, he was scared to bring it up. Either way, Kei was at fault here.

Kei bit his lip and looked down, closing his eyes and hoping his shaking wasn't too visible. There was nowhere to hide out in the open like this, there was no safe place, not without ruining Kuroo and Bokuto's reputation, or starting rumours about Tadashi and him. He couldn't do that to them, even if he knew that Tetsurou did actually love him and Bokuto liked Akaashi. At the same time, he was frozen in place, unable to get out of his seat and run out of the room. That would be like admitting to them that they had won.

He was conflicted about whether to be close to Tetsurou and the others, or to stay away from them. And so, when he felt the third year wrap his arms around him, he let out a whimper and struggled a bit against the embrace, still not opening his eyes and biting down harder on his bottom lip. He was vaguely aware of the metallic taste of blood in his mouth, but it didn't hurt.

Kuroo pulled him closer, hushing him softly and gently rubbing his back, watching the blond in concern and confusion. "Hey, Kei," he whispered, voice gentle and full of care behind the worry. "What's wrong, Moonshine? Do you want to leave?" He could only nod wordlessly, whimpering as he practically felt many eyes in the room on him. They dug into his soul, silently judging him for creating a scene. 'Weak, Kei' the voices taunted, laughing at him from inside his head.