China had a terrible experience with her daddy and decided that at the adoption center she will chase every guy away because she is too scared to fall in love again...just wait until she meets Jay.
94 in Adoption (25/6/2020)
363 in Sexy (22/6/2020)
...
I went back to putting my hair over my eye and barely talking. The girls and their daddies have been staying with us, trying to get us out of our 'problem', but I just refuse to talk about it. I know I eventually have to talk to him but I'm not ready.
I pick out an outfit.
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I go downstairs and make my usual fruit salad before sitting on the couch nearby Jay. I'm okay with sitting by him but not to him
I still love him, a lot. I can't seem to hate him or even dislike him no matter
how hard I try I just can't handle talking to him.
He glances over at me and probably sees the few cuts on my arm but I don't bother to say anything or even acknowledge him.
Casey comes downstairs and makes eye contact with Jay and glances at my arm making it obvious that she knew before running back up the stairs. Jay sighs and I open my sketchbook, pulling out a pencil. I draw in the front which is where my vulgar or regular drawings are.
"Do you want to talk or continue to stare at me?" I ask him while I continue drawing
"Talk," he says and I close my sketchbook putting my pencil in my page and look at him.
Then go ahead," I say and make sure my hair is perfectly straight
"You cut yourself?" He asks
"You didnt realize before so don't worry about it now," I say in a monotone voice
"I know I broke a promise and that was wrong of me." He pauses, "I know you hate me and I know I'm a dickwad and all that shit you call me but," he sighs, "I'm sorry, so so so so sorry, I really am," he says in a soft voice
I close my eyes, "I don't hate you." He looks at me, "I can't. I can't forget that you helped me more than you hurt me," I smile softly, "That you helped me sleep at night. That you made me feel safe," I say, "And it sucks because I learned to easily turn off my feelings on automatic, but I've only been brave enough to put my trust into 3 people so I don't know how to turn off feelings for those people that I trust," I said
"I didn't think it was anything to be worried about," he saId
I hesitate, "John knew. He looked through my sketchbook the day he got here. He didn't know I knew but I know she people treat me different and I'm very aware of my surroundings," I say, "After I figured out he went through it I made him promise not to tell you. The only thing I thought about was...disappointing you," I say and he looks up surprised, "I didn't want to disappoint you. I'm not going to lie at all, I didn't want to hear your judgment, I didn't want you to judge me," I say
"Whether I knew or not, I would never judge you." He comes closer to me, "I want you to forgive me. I want you to trust me,"
"I forgive you but trust is something we'll work on," I say
