Still Fucked Up .

Static?

A'Stari Amerie
12:03 pm
"Back Back"

"She can stay but ion want her, she here but ion need her, she was my peace and I craved her, by my side is where I need her. She fucked me up and I let her I kept that shit real but it wasn't real I lived a lie thinking I was happy but she was the piece that I didn't have next to me to love me and cherish me she made mistakes but I didn't blame her, I needed her but that's something I had to let go" I wrote in my notebook thinking about me and my relationship I closed the book wiping the tears that fell grabbing my box of pre rolled blunts lighting two inhaling the smoke staring at the floor of the five star hotel I booked, I really wish I never came out here, it only hurt me more.

"Knock Knock" I was snapped out of my thoughts hearing knocks at the door, I got up walking towards the door when I just stopped and headed back to the bed I didn't want company or anybody to see me hurting like this I always hid my pain so no one else would feel like they had to help me I was good handling this shit alone, I laid back on the bed inhaling the smoke and holding it for however long my lungs let me, my chest felt heavy and my heart was aching I need that girl more than I let on I'm still in love with that bitch after everything.

"Bitch you heard me at the door" a annoyed es came walking towards me, I looked at the door and seen she kicked it in crazy part about that is I didn't even hear her do that shit I just shook my head and continued to smoke.

"Don't fucking ignore me stari" she said smacking my thigh causing me to mug her and lay my head back down I didn't say nothing cause well shit what is it to say? I came down here to check on her to find out she been sneaking around seeing matoria and that she was happy with somebody other than me.

"I'm not" I whispered as my voice cracked which caused her whole demeanor to change, I knew her seeing me like this would cause her to be sensitive around me which I didn't want, I didn't want her to feel bad for seeing tori or anything I should've minded my business but I didn't.

"Tori I- Aye Es she in there" she was cut off by tori she was standing at the door as we made eye contact it was like she was staring right through me and seeing all the pain I had built it my eyes was watering but I didn't break away from her, she slowly walked into my room coming towards me.

"Es can u give us a minute?" She asked as Es looked between the both of us slowly heading toward the door.

"But don't fuck without me" she said walking out making me chuckle all that bitch think about is sex, the room fell silent as soon as she left it was a awkward silence it was a comfortable silence.

"Hey" she spoke as she played with her fingers I just admired her features she was so beautiful the way she smiled, and played with her fingers when she was nervous, the way she took care of my body like no one else ever did besides es, the love I have for this girl would never leave and I'm honestly scared because of that.

"Wassup" I whispered lighting another blunt not ever bothering to look at her anymore I was to caught up in her I just wish I could just be happy with her for once that's all I ever wanted but ofc she would never let it happen she always have to fuck up somewhere along the way.

"im sorry, for leaving you and hurting you and continuing to hurt u Amerie no matter how much I act like I don't miss u I do, I miss everything about u but I always felt like I wasn't good enough for u even when u loved me no matter what I know it's stupid but that's me and I'm working on getting better cause I wanna be better for me and you, me fucking these girls don't change shit I'm still in love with u and I'm happy u came here" she said looking down at the floor as I let the feeling of being high take over me I was extremely calm.

"I love u tori I never gave a fuck about anything but u and Es and all u ever did was hurt me constantly like I'm some type of toy or something I never wanted u to be fucking perfect I just wanted u to be real and genuine I still loved u after you walked your ass my life twice with the same lame ass excuse" I spat back at her feeling myself getting angry she will always use that excuse no matter what she did.

"It's not a fucking excuse if that's how I really feel stari" she explained as she finally looked at me but I kept looking forward, I hate this bitch I really did but as much as I hated her I loved her with my whole heart there was no questions about how I felt about her.

"Whatever tori save that for somebody who gives a fuck cause I don't" i spat rolling my eyes as much as I didn't wanna hear the dumb ass shit she had to say it was bothering me how tf could she ever feel like that? I never made her feel like that.

"Can u look at me" she said looking at me with hurt in her eyes I wanted to feel bad but how could I feel sympathy for somebody who didn't feel any for me? Somebody who didn't give a fuck about me or my feelings? Just walked out on me? I couldn't feel sorry for treating her the way I do because a lot of times she brings this upon her self.

"What" I said looking into her eyes falling in love with her sexy ass all over again, I hated the fact all she had to do was look at me and my heart would beat outta my chest that's real love I never felt this shit with nobody else and I never wanted to she had me feeling so weak and vulnerable against her.

"I love u and I wanna change for u and me, I wanna make this better even if it takes forever I wanna get right for u" she said with so much emotion if I wasn't numb to her bullshit I probably would've actually believed her I just rolled my eyes y'all can say whatever the fuck y'all want this my story y'all hoes just reading it.

"I wish I could believe the bs that's coming out your mouth matoria but I can't u haven't gave me a reason to believe anything u say is true so until then I dont wanna hear the bull shit and u can see yourself out" I said turning my focus back on my 7th blunt I was finna light up, I didn't give a fuck I had my right to dismiss her she caused me so much pain I really could hurt this bitch.

"Ight I'll let u have that for now but I'm not gone stop trying stari" she said getting up walking to the door she looked so sexy walking away I could've fucked her right there but I just shook the thought off watching her walk out of my hotel room, I laid back on the bed and sighed god when will enough be enough?

Sorry for the wait, I been going through shit but I pushed that a side to give y'all this update so enjoy and go read my other book I just dropped too so yea see y'all next year.