𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑖𝑠 𝑔𝑜𝑛𝑛𝑎 ℎ𝑢𝑟𝑡❦ ☾𝐵𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑒𝐸.☽💕Not continuing

10🖤

⚠️ contains mild graphic language ⚠️
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...

I find myself thinking about Angie a lot. It's been over a month now since we've met and my feelings for her are all over the place at the point I know I like for sure now she's really beautiful and I'm positive that I have strong emotions for her... I think I'm going to tell her. I want to tell her but I don't know how she would feel... this is gonna sound weird but I moreover find myself fantasizing about her too...a lot... so it's best if I tell her how I feel instead of holding it in. We've gotten closer and closer, so much so that she's started hanging out with my family all the time too. I don't want to risk getting notice when I'm out with her so most of the time we hang out is at my house, which she doesn't seem to mind.  The first time she came over to hangout, I explained to my brother, Finneas and my parents that she didn't know about everything and for some reason it made my mom really happy that I was hanging out with 'average' people.  I know what she means, but Angelina is far from average. I always notice cute little things about her, like how when she's studying she twirls her pen into her hair, and when she's stuck on something she nibbles her bottom lip. Speaking of her lips, I always catch myself looking at them. I can't help it; they just look so plump and soft. When she talks to other girls who seem into her, especially Lexi, I get a sinking feeling in my stomach and it puts me into a bad mood for the rest of the day, or at least until she notices that I seem pissy and does something to cheer me up. When we touch, which we do a lot more now that we're closer, I get a fluttery feeling in my stomach and tingles on my skin, like a fucking sap. One time when we were cuddling and watching a movie when we both turned our heads to look at each other, causing our noses to brush together. Neither of us pulled back right away, and our eyes stayed locked intently for a few seconds. She reached out to tuck some hair behind my ear and her touch sent shivers down my spine. I think I wanted her to kiss me.  But she didn't. She just smiled and poked my cheek gently then focused on the movie we were watching, leaving me feeling confused and disappointed.  "Bil?"  I look up from my notebook to see the girl in question looking at me with those warm, brown eyes that I often find myself getting lost in. We're sat on my bed doing what we usually do, writing. She looks so fucking cute – her hair's in a messy bun to the back, my sweat pants and hoodie because she got cold "Yeah?"  "Nothing, you just looked super zoned out." She giggles and the sound makes me smile.  "I think my brain's fried. Break?" She nods and closes her notebook, tossing it aside before moving up on the bed to sit next to me against the headboard.  "Let's watch The Good Place," she says excitedly and rests her head on my shoulder while I open my laptop and set it between us on the bed. Once I press play on the next episode she takes me hand and starts playing with my fingers, like she often does when we cuddle.  A little bit into the episode, she gets a text. I watch her as she takes her phone out and smiles at the notification, starting to text back. I shift my head down a bit more so I can read what she's typing and my stomach sinks when I see that it's Lexi.  I can't see much of their text conversation, but I can see enough to tell that it's flirty.  Lexi's asking her to come over because her roommate is out for the day, the implication that she wants to get up to more than just talking is clear.  Please say no.  I can't see what she texts back before she turns her phone off and focuses on the computer screen.  "I think I'm going to head out after this episode," she tells me and I feel my heart sink. Just like that, my good mood goes out the window.  "Aight," I mumble blankly and keep my eyes on the screen, not really comprehending what's going on in the episode we're watching because I'm so distracted.it's impossible to brush over the fact that what I'm feeling right now is jealousy. It's clear as day - I'm fucking jealous of Lexi. I don't know if they've actually gone on real dates or had sex, but I know for a fact that they've made out because I walked in on it one time at Landon's place. It caught me off guard how much seeing that shit upset me.  I hate that it did.  "You okay, B? You've been pretty quiet all day."  "I'm fine," I snap a little harshly which I instantly regret, because I can feel her flinch slightly before taking her head off my shoulder.  "What's wrong?" she asks, concerned.  That's the thing with Angelina, she never gets mad at me for my sudden mood shifts. She knows I have bad days, and she doesn't hold them against me. Except right now it's not because I'm sad for no reason, it's because I'm jealous, and overwhelmed. This new found jealousy joining the mix has me ready to break, but I don't know what breaking will entail. Will I tell her how I feel? Will I cut her off?  Fuck, I hope not. I don't want to ruin what we have.  "Nothing," I reply quietly and she leans forward to pause the show. "Why'd you do that, dude? This is such a funny scene."  "Because something's clearly upsetting you and I want to help," she says softly and I can feel her eyes on me.  I don't meet them. "I'm just tired."  She sighs in defeat. "I know you're lying, but I won't push you. Just know that I'm here if you ever want to talk it out." She presses her lips to my cheek softly and my eyes flutter shut at the feeling of her lips on my skin.  Damn it, this girl.  We keep watching the show in silence and I rest my head on her shoulder this time, relaxing into her more when she starts playing with my hair absentmindedly.  When the episode end she shifts slightly to look down at me while I keep looking straight ahead.  "Do you want me to stay?"  Yes.  "Then I will."  I said that out loud? Shit.  "You don't have to do that, I don't want to keep you," I add and she just shakes her head in response.  "You should know by now that I wouldn't offer to stay if I didn't want to," she reassures me and takes her phone out, probably to tell Lexi that she's not coming over anymore. Once the text is sent she puts her phone down and looks at me, smiling sweetly when I actually meet her eyes this time.  God, she's amazing. It's kind of crazy how quickly she became such a big part of my life, but I've learned to stop questioning it. She's here now, and that's what matters. She's become my go to for certain things. Like when I have my bad days, the ones where I wake up sad for no reason, I text her and she comes over as soon as she's available with food, cuddles and new music she wants me to listen to.  If she's not free because she has class or something she'll make me a new playlist on Spotify and send me food through some delivery service to let me know she's thinking about me. Sure, food doesn't cure depression, but knowing I have someone like her to lean on makes a big difference when I'm at a low point.  "Lina, I-" I start but cut myself off, not sure what I want to say. I feel guilty that she cancelled plans with Lexi to spend time with me because she thinks I'm upset.  I mean, I am upset, but for a petty, jealous reason.  "What is it, Bil?"  I sigh in defeat and shake my head slightly. "i- you.. do you wanna order food"  "...yeah sure!" she says..... It doesn't take long because all of our order information is already saved in her phone. "Done."  "Rick and Morty?" I suggest and reach for my laptop but she shakes her head and stops my hand, holding it in hers loosely.  "Just a second, I want to say something," she says and I nod slightly, showing that I'm ready to listen. "I don't want to intrude or anything," she starts, and I feel myself getting nervous about what she might say. "I just get the sense that something's been eating at you recently, and I want you to know that you can tell me what it is. Obviously you don't have to, but if you think it'll help to talk it out, I'm here."  Of course she knows somethings nagging at me, she knows me so well.  I think for a bit about what to do here. Maybe if I tell her now....maybe just maybe .... no.. I have to tell her something else. It'll make her think she knows what's going on and she won't be suspicious anymore. It can't be a lie though...she'll see right through me.  Suddenly, I think of something.  "There is something I need to tell you," I say and she sits up slightly, giving me here full attention. I take a breath, I've been thinking about doing this for a while and all sorts of possible reactions have run through my mind. Moment of truth.  "I don't know how to say this, bro" I start and chuckle nervously. "I just..haven't really been telling you the full truth I guess. Music isn't just a hobby for me, it's my, um, career. And it's, like, really popular."  She looks at me, clearly confused. "Define really popular."  I hesitate. "Like, over a billion total streams online, world tours, millions of followers...other shit," I trail off, feeling weird and braggy for listing all my accomplishments. I just didn't know else how to get my point across.  She just laughs and shakes her head. "Good one."  "Google Billie Eilish," I tell her and she gives me a weird look before reaching for her phone. I bite my lip anxiously as I watch her, scared this will change our whole dynamic.  Better than telling her I'm jealous of Lexi and desperate to kiss her, I guess.  She silently scrolls through all the search results for a while before dropping her phone and looking at me again. "Well shit, you're not fucking with me," she says with an amused chuckle.  That's it? That's her reaction?  I guess it's actually kind of perfect.  "Do you have any, uh, questions?" I ask slightly awkwardly and she shrugs.  "Well I was wondering why you didn't tell me, but then I remembered our conversation a few weeks ago and it makes sense," she says and runs her hand through her long hair. "I'm not going to treat you any differently, if that's what you were worried about. You're still just a person. A person who I really like spending time with, this doesn't change anything."  I smile as she speaks, feeling some of my worries melting away. I wasn't really expecting anything different from her, but the anxious part of my brain was imagining the worst case scenarios.  Of course, not all my worries have evaporated. There's still my feelings for this girl swirling around constantly, but hopefully my revelation will distract her from that, at least for now.  "Now we can watch Rick and Morty," she says and I smile, shifting around to snuggle into her side. I rest my hand on her stomach and play with her, well, my hoodie while she presses play. She leans back more and puts her arm around me, shifting slightly to get more comfortable.  After a couple episodes, Finneas barges into my room, his eyebrow raising for a second when he sees how close we are.  "Your, uh, food came," he says and holds up the delivery bag.  We hadn't even heard the doorbell, we've been laughing so hard at this ridiculous show.  "Sweet," Angie says happily and sits up, pausing the show. "Thanks, Fin. I'm just gonna run to the bathroom," she tells me then gets up and walks out of my room while Fin brings me the bag.  Once I'm sure she's out of earshot I grab his arm and pull him to sit down on my bed.  "Jesus. What?" he asks with a laugh and adjusts his sleeve.  "I told her," I say excitedly and he smiles.  "I'm guessing it went well?" He of all people knows how stressed I've been about telling her the truth. He's the only one I've talked to about all the things I hate about being famous, and my constant paranoia about the people around me.  "Really well. She doesn't give a fuck."  He smiles wider. "That's great, Bil. I told you she wasn't the type to give a shit about that kinda thing."  I nod and look down at my lap. I wish I could tell him about the other thing that's been on my mind, but I'm just not ready to share these feelings yet. i hate keeping things like this from Fin, but right now it's what I have to do to stay sane. "Want to watch Rick and Morty with us?" I ask and he shrugs.  "Sure, what episode?" he sits down beside me and rummages through the delivery bag, which I roll my eyes at but don't stop.  When Angie comes back she sits on my other side and looks at Fin.  "You staying?" she asks and he nods, making her smile. "Awesome."  We eat our food while we watch a few more episodes and all goof off together. Finneas and Angie have a competition to see who can throw the most skittles into their mouths without dropping one. Finneas wins with 14, which was actually pretty impressive.  After we're finished with food I find myself cuddled into Angie again. She's just so warm and comfy, and she always smells like cookies and cozy perfume which drives me crazy.  I can see Finneas stealing glances at us out of the corner of my eye every once in a while and I wonder what he's thinking when he does.  My mind starts to race. Is he catching onto me? Does he know I have feelings for her? Oh god.  I pull away from Angie and just act like I'm stretching then shift around to lean against the headboard instead of her body. I miss her warmth, but I can't let Finneas catch on.  "I feel like this show would be good to watch stoned," Angie pipes up and I nod in agreement.  "Fuck yeah."  "Can confirm," Finneas chimes in and we all laugh.  We end up finishing the rest of the season we're on before Angie groans and sits up, clearly reluctant to move. "Alright, I need to go back to my dorm."  A familiar feeling of disappointed washes over me, the same way it does every time she leaves. I know I have no right to be disappointed, we've been hanging out all day and she ditched a girl who's obviously into her for me, but still.  "When can you hang out again?" I ask and she thinks for a bit.  "This week's gonna kinda crazy at school so maybe not until the weekend or next week," she answers and I internally sulk.  "We can still FaceTime though," she adds, sensing my disappointment.  "I'll walk you to the door." I push Finneas out of the way so I can swing my legs off the bed and onto the floor, making him whine in protest.  Angie puts her notebook into her backpack and puts her shoes on then looks around to make sure she has everything.  "Alright. See you later, Fin." She smiles and gives him a quick hug, which he turns into a big bear hug, making her giggle.  I smile to myself as I watch them then walk out of my room and downstairs with her. "Thanks for hanging with me today."  "Thanks for making it fun," she replies and turns to look at me when we reach the door. "I'm glad you felt like you could tell me what you did. I promise it doesn't change anything."  "I believe you."  She adjusts her backpack strap then leans in to kiss my cheek sweetly. When she pulls back she looks down at what she's wearing  "Oh shit, here," she says and goes to take her backpack off so she can remove the hoodie  she's wearing but I shake my head.  "Don't worry it. It's cold as balls out there, I don't want you freezing your ass off on your way back."  "Thanks. I'll text you later."  With that she leaves and I shut the door behind her, leaning against the wood with a heavy sigh.  That's one weight off my shoulders, but there's still one left.  A really fucking heavy one.

Sorry for not updating in awhile I got writer's block but I think i have ideas for the next few chapters lemme know what you guys think about the lengths of the chapters if you want them longer let me know!❤️