( 5 YEARS AFTER )
IN HIS HEART, HE retracts all the bad things he ever said, they were never a reflection on the other boys, only on his inner demons. they worked hard and he only saw what they could not do. in that permanent fatigue how could they be a the band Elle magazine said the world deserves. in his misplaced entitlement he gave them only passive aggressive rage, he withdrew to punish them and became self-absorbed.
his fingers are long and slender, easily sweeping over the keys of the piano as if casual wind doing fluttering across the surface of the sand and shifting it to motion so easily. his fingers look thin and pale, there was no muscle tone or fat definition and his skin was only the layer of dust so fine over the polished white underneath.
now bangtan is over, fled to another world. but still alive in people's heart and his. he can never hope to win them back and he doesn't deserve them, but every day he prays that each and everyone of them is sound and happy. and even if they hate him, he hopes that in some time of the day, they think about him. atleast out of hate, that's okay with him as long as he has not faded away from their memories.
those fingers are limber as they dance across the keys, alighting first on ivory and then gliding to ebony. occasionally the fluid motion of his cavorting phalanges is punctuated by the sharp tap of a saccato note or a graceful leap as he jumps octaves. his head bends towards the keys, hair feeling pay the serenely shut eyes. the music stand lies empty; he reads only the notes within his mind.
slowly, the music seems to fill the room to the brim then spills out through doors, windows and cracks in the walls, whole at the source, sweet fingers dance sweetly, and painfully on.
he finishes the last chord as he looks up, shiny beads of sweat trickling down from his forehead, and running down along his neck, giving him a burning sensation. he kept his eyes shut, as he could see them happy, and smiling and laughing.
"hyung-ahhh why are you so lazy" jeongguk whined, as taehyung's faint voice could be heard, calling both of them for clicking a group photo.
"joah aniyaaa i don't want to go, you take pictures" yoongi muttered, as he was hugging a pillow, almost asleep.
"no no no. no, hyung no. we can't take pictures without you. you have to come." he snatched away yoongi's pillow from him and dragged him all the way near the table where bangtan was sitting, ready to take a photo.
he went up, and saw namjoon, looking with perfect adoration in his eyes, towards the love of his life.
"when are you gonna say him?" he muttered as he say down in the empty space near him.
"soon, hyung. soon" namjoon said, as his eyebrows creased as if he realised something. "anyway, let's take the photo!!"
"1.. 2.. 3.. BANGTAN!" all of them said in unison, as taehyung say in the front, talking the group selfie.
bangtan forever.
bangtan forever. yoongi's lips curved into a small smile, his heart twisted in pain. how can memories from fine years back be still do fresh? so painful?
yoongi grieved on the inside, but believed that he hid his sorrow from everyone. yoongi was one of those people that anyone can read easily. one could see it in his eyes, his movements, his drooping posture. however, no one dared mention it to him. not even his wife.
yoongi thought he hid his emotions from the world, that his position as ruler of the synagogue demanded a look of complete confidence and control. this is strange because he sent vibes of inward weeping. even the little children, playing in the street could observe his "tears inside" demeanor. you could read him like a book, opened and turned to the last page.
even after five years, he wasn't able to accept the fact he had to move on.
"yoongi-ah, dinner is ready." his wife softly called from the kitchen. even she didn't dare to enter his music room. especially today. she couldn't. yoongi needed his time alone today.
he blinked back his hot tears, as he pushed back his chair and got up from the piano, his hands hurting from playing for too long. and he went towards the kitchen gloomily, giving a smile which didn't reach his face when he saw his wife.
it wasn't her fault, but he couldn't help but blame everyone and him.
and just was this, his life still after five years. he had a thousand reasons not to hold on, but the person standing infront of him was the only reason he stayed. he hugged his wife tightly, as she hugged him back. he let his tears fall into her shoulders, drenching her dress in the process. and they stayed like that for some time. and a little bit more.
