Insane [H.S]

Chapter Fifteen

How can you describe a feeling that is so foreign to you? How can you describe something that you've never experienced before? I felt a whirl of emotions hitting me all at once, anger, disbelief, fury, I felt like I was seeing everything in black and white, my mind was running into different directions, how did I expect something like this to turn out just fine? I don't know if we were caught on camera, I don't know if the masks were enough to conceal our identity, and most of all I don't know what the file contains, I didn't just go through all of this to be left in the dark.

As my eyes swiped across the room,I saw Harry sitting somewhere in the corner facing the wall raking his fingers through his hair, I considered approaching him since he's a bit relaxed now and not as worked up as he was a few minutes ago but I decided against it, I wanted to give him a moment to regain his self-control.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn't notice the clattering sounds that emitted from beside me, I glanced over in his direction to find that he was pouring something which I assumed was alcohol in two glasses filled with ice, I eyed him in silence, his eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were in a tight line as always, it's like he was born to look like this no matter what state he was in, his expression never changed, it started to become less amusing the more I spend time with him.

He walked over to me with a drink in each hand, offering one to me as he stood a few feet away, I looked at him steadily and intently "take it"

"I don't drink" I replied almost immediately.

"Boring" he said rolling his eyes clearly annoyed "mommy and daddy told you not to?"

"It has nothing to do with this, I don't like drinking, is that too hard to understand?" I asked raising my eyebrows.

"Suit yourself, princess" he left the glass on the table opposite from me, his piercing green eyes dancing in the rays of light, his features held loneliness, I'll never know why he pushes everyone away, my gaze followed him until he was out of sight probably heading to the roof.

I Found myself following him as my thoughts were eating me up alive and I needed an escape, his soft curly brown hair was ruffled from his hands being in there way too many times, his serious look and sharp jawline made him look even more intimidating and dangerous, he was sitting on the edge with his feet dangling in the air, again.

"Are you done staring?" He asked startling me without even turning to face where I was standing.

"Just observing" I walked over to where he was, sitting slowly and carefully as heights were something I was a bit afraid of, I could hear his chuckle but I chose to ignore it as he wouldn't be the one to fall from a Three hundred meter height.

"Well you do observe a lot, don't you?" he took a sip from the beer bottle as his eyes never left the city.

"It's kind of my thing" I shrugged nonchalantly, being with Harry on the roof was oddly calming and for some odd reason I didn't want to leave.

I was hesitant on what I was about to do, but I decided to just go for it, I snatched the bottle out of his hands taking a few gulps, feeling the bitter taste burning my throat, he stared at me in what seemed like amusement as he ever so slightly started smirking to how I reacted to the afterwards taste.

We sat there for a while not saying a single word, only exchanging the beer bottle which in my opinion was way too strong to be a beer, I started to feel warmth spread all over my body especially my face contrasting with the chilly weather surrounding me, I felt slightly light headed but surprisingly it was relaxing more than I ever thought it'd be.

"You haven't been up here for a while, I could tell you enjoyed it" his husky voice broke the comfortable silence.

"It makes me feel at ease somehow" my speech unexpectedly wasn't slurred "you didn't lure me here to push me off the building since I tend to get on your nerves a lot, did you?" I said jokingly feeling a lopsided grin appear on my face but it faded as soon it surfaced.

"Is that what you think of me?" He asked angrily "you think I would do this to anyone? I thought you weren't so dumb after all"

"How do you expect me to think of you when all you ever do is snap at me when I ask a simple question about your life? you push everyone away, don't expect anyone not to judge you when you're like this" I spat letting my eyes wander all over his face as I tried to knock some sense into him.

He breathed out deeply as I watched his every move, he didn't say anything only glanced at the dark sky, I got a feeling that he was was holding back from saying something he wanted to and I also know that if it wasn't for the alcohol in his system, he would've probably killed me for what I said, he was hesitant and I didn't wan to push it any further but I just needed to know anything about him, anything.

"I thought that I never dealt with anything more confusing and intricate other than myself, but here you are changing all of that, you're so insistent and frustrating, taking every chance you get to find out more about me but I just can't exist within my own head" he muttered lowly.

My mind was clouded with nothing but attraction and maybe if it was someone else, they would've ran miles away but I found myself waiting for him to say more,I wanted him to let go even if he was just drunk and didn't know what he was saying or he'll forget in the morning.

"Just give it up" he sighed raising the bottle to his pink lips.

"Maybe I don't want to" I blurted out without even thinking, but it was the truth "we all have secrets"

"Yeah but I try to hide mine, and I want them to stay that way I don't want them to surface, I'd do anything to keep them back and lock them inside" he said shaking his head.

"What are you so afraid of?telling someone your secrets won't make them think any less of you" I whispered desperately.

"You're so oblivious that it fucking hurts, Celia" he said so softly that it didn't match the words he just spat out, ignoring my motives to make him spill anything about himself.

"What you're doing is what makes you alone at the end of the day Harry, being cold leaves you cold" I held his gaze before averting my eyes to the sky.

"It doesn't matter" he interjected.

"Stop doing this, no one can run from their problems forever, Especially if you are your own problem"

It felt like he had lost hope in the world, like there was nothing it offered to him, my words sounded demented but it was true.

"Don't try to convince me, I don't like games nor what you're playing at" he said  eyeing me warningly.

"Funny that I told you the same thing" I chuckled sarcastically "you like games Harry, you do. You just hate losing and the fact that you opened up to me is considered a loss to you"

He didn't reply, his emerald green eyes staring directly at mine, I stared back  not breaking the contact like I always do, his gaze became intimidating knocking the air out of my lungs, for a second it felt like all the back and forth arguments had stopped, I didn't know what was going through his mind, I could never take a guess when it comes to him, the silence that was lingering here was unbearable but yet again I couldn't find anything else to say, Harry's anger was unpredictable it was like a ticking bomb that could explode at any second, maybe he needed time alone to let all the anger that had built up inside him out, I got up slowly from the position I was in to leave heading down the stairs.

"Don't leave" his speech was slurred which meant that it was was the alcohol speaking, if he was the slightest bit sober, he would've never said that.

"I cope with reality negatively, it's the only thing I know" his voice dripped with distress leaving a haunting image in my head, he was speaking the truth from a drunken mind.

"I should've never said all of this" he murmured quietly resting his head on my shoulder, I froze in my place feeling tense, the gesture seemed unfamiliar for me specifically from someone like Harry.

"At some point you need to let it all out"

"I never meant to hurt you, you know? It's just something I do" his face was void of any emotions.

"You'll forget all of this in the morning and you'll return back to the egotistical selfish bastard you were" I chuckled lightly.

"It's kind of my thing" he said replaying the same words I said earlier which made an involuntary smile to be drawn on my lips.

_______________________________

Surprise .