J. Smoke - The Reptile Room

Chapter EIGHT

As soon as Mr. Poe, Stephano, and the Baudelaire's entered the house. Mr. Poe walked to the parlor to call for a doctor.

"Hello. Mr. Poe, banker of Mulcutary Money Management. A fatal accident has happened on a young man. He is dead, though we didn't check his pulse. His full name—first and last—is Montgomery Montgomery. No, this isn't a prank call, hello, hello?" The person had hung up already.

"Let me try, Mr. Doe," said Stephano.

"Poe," said Mr. Poe, and he stepped aside.

"Hello, my name is Dr. Stephano, and I am Dr. Montgomery Montgmery's former assistant, he is dead. That's right, a fatal accident. Snakebite, in fact. I'm on currently at 222 Lousy Lane. Bye." Stepahano hung up, and smiled, "They will send a nurse and inspector who will be here in a short amount of time."

"How did you do that?" Mr. Poe asked.

"It was just very easy," said Stephano.

At that moment, a white car zoomed into the property. It stopped at the front of the house, and the two front doors opened. Out came a nurse with very short hair and circular glasses, and a detective in a brown thick coat. He had a brown hat and brown mustache and beard that sort of made him look silly.

"It must be them, but how they arrive here so quickly?" Mr. Poe opened the door, just as the detective attempted to ring the doorbell six times, a very wrong thing to do.

"Hello," said the nurse in a high voice. "My name is Nurse O. Lucafont, I just received some terrible news involving a snakebite."

"And my name is Yessica Haircut, though you can call me Inspector Haircut," the man was calm, and he held out his cold, solid hand for Mr. Poe to shake. "Sadly, nobody else could come with us, they were busy looking for a wild cow on the loose."

"Hello, detective and nurse," said Stephano. "Do you want me to show you to the body?"

"Well that is the reason we've come," said Inspector Haircut.

"Right this way," said Stephano, and led the other adults down the hallway.

"You can wait outside," said Nurse Lucafont. "The body must have frightened you three."

"Yes, please," Mr. Poe said to the Baudelaire's. "The adults will take things into their own matters."

Once the adults left the front room, the children walked upstairs to Violet's bedroom.

"I can't believe it," said Klaus when he and his sisters arrived. "I can't believe Stephano has murdered Uncle Monty, and is getting away with it."

"I'm just as upset as you are," Violet sighed. "What I am wondering is why didn't Uncle Monty just call the police and get over it."

"That's the thing," said Klaus. "Monty is just as horrified of this man as much as we are. Unless he mistaken him as someone else. He mentioned that he didn't get along with many of the members of the Herpetological Society, that's why he he sent him away instead of having him arrested! Only if I said to Uncle Monty that Stephano is Count Olaf outside before he got hit by the reading lamp, over Chinese food, or in the theater, none of this would have happened in the first place!"

"You didn't know, then," Violet said. "That was just a small mistake you made."

"A small mistake leading to a big situation," said Klaus. "Or an extremely unfortunate event. I wish I told the taxi driver to take Dr. Stephano away, once he appeared at the doorstep."

"Bah!" Sunny said, which possibly meant, "Well if you did, he wouldn't have believed you like most adults."

"If our parents were alive, they would believe us," said Klaus. "And wouldn't have crossed paths with Count Olaf in the first place."

"Well once we reveal Olaf's disguise, our worries will be over," Violet said.

At that moment, the children heard Inspector Haircut call down from the parlor, "We found some information!"

The children began to hope that the inspector found Uncle Monty's death a murder, but they were sadly wrong.

"So the snake basically slithered out the cage, bit Dr. Montgomery, and locked itself up," said the inspector.

"That's a ridiculous theory," Violet exclaimed. "A snake can't operate a lock by itself."

"Your story seems a little odd," said Mr. Poe.

"Well the snake that bit him is the Mamba du Mal," said Nurse Lucafont. "It is one of the world's deadliest snakes, and we found a sample of its venom in your Uncle Monty's body. Now can someone pass me another can of peaches."

"Right this way," said Inspector Haircut, and handed him another can.

"That's Uncle Monty's food!" Klaus said, "Stop eating his food!"

"Please forgive the children," Mr. Poe said. "They just lost their guardian."

"Must mean a lot to you," said Inspector Haircut.

"How about this," said Stephano,. "We'll go talk to the police. I'll take the Baudelaire's in the orange jeep, while Nurse Lucafont, Inspector Haircut, Mr. Poe, and the body will take the white car."

"No thanks," Violet said. "Mr. Poe, we can't go with this man."

"Why not?" asked the banker.

"Well, were interested in going in a doctor's car," said Klaus. "Want to see what it's like."

"How about this, I can drive them in the white car, while you three and the body take the jeep."

"But the jeep doesn't have enough room," said Mr. Poe. "There's a lot of books inside, which will only have room for three people."

"And the city law says that no one else, but I can drive the car," said the nurse.

"You three children can sit in the Reptile Room while we talk," said Inspector Haircut. "The body should be covered in a sheet, and is outside on a gurney."