World Domination for Dummies

Prologue

My name was Celeste. I worked at a shitty little movie theater, which was honestly generous considering just how much of a hole-in-the-wall it was. I lost my life because my broke ass was called into work, and I accepted because I had exactly $2.47 to my name - don't judge, the pizza was worth it.

Anywhore, I get into work, start serving popcorn and soda because, honestly, I was good at fake smiling while serving out food to the mainly overweight masses.

No, I do not have any chill now that I am in the shittiest possible scenario I can imagine.

I was serving popcorn to yet another obese man fanboying about the newest Marvel movie when there was a loud pop. I blinked stupidly as everyone screamed and ducked down. The next thing I know, my chest is bleeding, and I'm on the floor while gasping for air.

Yes, my positively moronic ass was shot because I didn't duck down behind the counter.

As I gasped for breath, the shooter, wearing a horribly cliche black ski mask, came running over and pointed his gun at me.

"Jessica, you bitch!" He yelled.

"Fuck... you..." I replied as I pointed to my blood-stained name tag, which clearly read: 'Celeste.'

The man had just enough time to read my nametag before being pepper sprayed in the eyes by my gay-ass coworker: Jaison.

I had just enough time to spit out blood and a laugh before inevitably kicking the bucket.

The next thing I know, I was opening my eyes while listening to some woman screaming. I couldn't help but roll my eyes because I was in more pain than she was. I just got shot.

There were gasps of shock beforesome man yelled out, "That's not my son!"

I stared up into some man's face.

He was honestly a 4/10. I would not even attempt thinking about smashing. He had black hair in a short cut, the dullest black eyes, and a low-collared shirt that screamed 'I am a manwhore!'

I was just about to comment on how much of a pansy he looked like when someone else stepped in.

"There must be a genetic mutation!" A woman yelled.

"No fucking mutation is going to give an Uchiha green hair and brown skin!" The man yelled furiously.

I stared blankly before blinking. Bitch, I swear to God-

A nurse hesitantly stepped forward in the most retarded uniform possible. "Uchiha-san, calm down-"

"I will not 'calm down!' My wife cheated on me!" The man boomed while pointing over my head.

"You have no proof, Daisuke!" The woman objected.

"Do you not see that fucking abomination?!" The man screamed as a pale finger pointed at my face.

The woman hesitated just a millisecond too long.

"I'm getting a divorce!" The man announced loudly.

"No! Daisuke! Wait! I love you!" The woman cried out.

"A slut has no love in her heart," Daisuke stated with the utmost venom.

The woman immediately snapped in retaliation, "I may be a slut, but at least I had pleasure when fucking him. Your dick is so small, it could be considered non-existent."

Oooh, shit boi! I internally screamed before suddenly being jerked to the side as the man lunged for the woman.

That is how I, Celeste, saw my first bitch-fight in my new life as Uchiha Tenrō.

And yes, I was reborn in a goddamned male body into the motherfucking Naruto universe. Thank you for asking.