the last thing i wanna do (lil peep fanfic)

four

i woke up and stretched, immediately regretting that. i held back the yelp of pain i was about to make when i saw who was around me. i was sleeping on adam's shoulder, and he was still asleep. ben was asleep near the window. he really stayed there all night? and adam did too? i slowly pushed myself up off the couch and walked slowly into the kitchen. tracy was awake, brewing a pot of coffee. "tracy." i said.
"well, look who's awake? feeling better?"
i sat on a bar stool. "a bit."
"good."
"where's gus?"
"passed out in the bathroom upstairs, he was throwing up and shit."
"oh."
"yeah." tracy slid me a mug of black coffee. i took a sip.
"did you know ben fell asleep by the window?"
"yeah, he said he promised you he'd keep watch, he only fell asleep like an hour ago."
"why do they care about me?"
"you're mine and gus's friend."
"but they could just like... not like me. they did all this."
tracy nodded. "they like you, like your energy, like your personality. ben said you fit in well. it's not like we have chicks in the group. gus and me are protective of you. they probably picked up on that and now they're protective of you too."
"can i tell you something? that you'll keep a secret?"
"Sure."
"adam asked me out."
tracy chuckled. "cute. i could've figured something was between you two. the way you were cuddling when asleep."
"he asked me yesterday."
"oh, so right after y'all met? scandalous."
"hmph." i took another sip of the coffee, which had cooled down to a reasonable temperature.
"he doesn't seem like your type, though."
i shrugged. "i don't really have a type."
"fair enough. peep's gonna have a fit when he hears about this."
"no. we aren't telling him."
"oh, okay." tracy smiled. "keeping a secret from gus. not at all gonna be a challenge."
"we're gonna try our hardest." i said.
"what're we trying our hardest for?" adam yawned while walking in, and then he hugged me. "morning lillian, feeling better?"
"a bit." i answered. "we're keeping us from gus."
"a sound decision, really." he sat next to me. "so i'm assuming tracy here knows?"
"of course i do." tracy smirked. "you two make a cute couple... if you haven't made it official."
"can't publicly make it official because of a certain someone." i muttered. "speaking of which, i'm gonna go check up on him."
"guest bedroom bathroom." tracy said.
i nodded and went upstairs to the bathroom. gus was laying on the floor. i noticed an empty bottle near his hand and sighed. "gus." i said, kneeling next to him. "peep." i said a bit louder, shaking him.
he mumbled and opened his eyes. "fuck, why's it so bright."
"you have a hangover." i told him.
"you're awake, you're okay, i-" he sat up and leaned against the tub.
"yeah, i am."
before i could react, he pulled me into a hug. my face was buried in his neck. "i was up all night worried about you."
"tracy said that."
"he's right."
i was silent for a bit. "i feel disgusting, i had his hands all over me..."
"wanna take a shower?"
"i... no. i don't trust myself not to do anything."
"i'll sit here and check on you."
"you don't have to do that."
"i'm your best friend. it'll keep you safe. it won't be awkward or anything."
"okay..."
"lemme grab a thing of clothes i keep here, you can wear it." gus left and came back a minute later with a stack of clothes.
"gus, i don't have underwear." i mumbled.
"i know that. you can wear a pair of my boxers."
"i-"
"it's not like you haven't done it before. look what we have." he held up a pair of his boxers, a pair of black jeans, and a t-shirt.
"okay." i said quietly.
gus started the shower and i took off my clothes, trying to hide myself from him. i know he didn't care, but i did. especially after what happened. i stepped into the steamy shower and shampooed my hair. after i rinsed it out, gus chimed in. "you okay?"
"mhm."
"can i see that you're okay?"
i hesitated. "okay."
he poked his head in. "hi." after confirming i was okay, he closed the shower curtain again. i couldn't help but to giggle a bit. i scrubbed my whole body raw and turned the shower off. "towel?" he asked.
"yeah."
he handed me one and i wrapped it around myself. "okay, i'll finally give you privacy." he turned to face the door as i quickly changed into his clothes.
i groaned as i pulled on his shirt. "boxers are so comfy, what the fuck."
"i know!" he exclaimed, and laughed. "wanna go back? you should prolly give fish his sweatshirt back, shouldn't you."
i smiled. "yeah." i quickly brushed my hair and we went downstairs. i wrapped the sweatshirt around ben, who was still sleeping against the window. he grabbed it and pulled it closer around him. i gave him a quick kiss on the head and i swear i saw him smile. i went back to the kitchen. "i'm back, you guys."
"we see, and you got peep up? amazing." tracy said.
"shut up." gus smiled. "bitch."
"you took a shower? who's clothes are you wearing?" adam asked.
"gus's. he keeps some here, and said i could wear them. i felt dirty in my... well, jeans. i gave ben his sweatshirt back."
"he wouldn't have missed it. he has thousands. like the rest of us."
"i have thousands too." i said.
"she gets my old ones." gus chimed in.
i laughed. "true."
ben came trudging in, looking tired. "hi everyone. oh, morning lillian! do you feel better?"
"a bit."
"that's good." he smiled. "thank you for the sweatshirt back, but it wasn't necessary."
"eh, i'm okay now, i didn't mean to steal your stuff."
"it's okay."
"thank you guys so much, i really genuinely appreciate it. i'm gonna go back to my apartment, which i haven't been in for a month alone now due to stuff and someone deciding i don't get to sleep there anymore. i'll prolly need to clean and shit. so i'll talk to you guys later?"
"yeah. of course." tracy said. "take care."
"be safe. don't do dumb shit." ben yawned. "sorry!"
i laughed. "it's okay."
"i'll talk to you soon." adam hugged me quickly then let go.
"i'm never far away, if you need anything i promise i'll be there." gus squeezed my hand. "i love you."
"i love you too."