the last thing i wanna do (lil peep fanfic)

eighteen

[flashback]

"sit here, dummy." i said, sliding over.
gus sat next to me. kids on the bus snickered. "they're giving you looks." he muttered.
"let them look. they're a bunch of conceited assholes." i said louder.
"what's on your face?" his hand cupped my cheek. "that a bruise?" his thumb traced my eyebrow, which had a small bruise on it.
"it's nothing, just..."
"who did it?"
"jake."
gus's face hardened. "that bastard."
"it's not a big deal, it's fine."
"he hit you-"
"it's fine, i'll be fine, gus, calm down."
"he hit you. that's inexcusable."
"i'm okay. it doesn't hurt, it didn't hurt much when he did it. i ended it as soon as he did it."
"okay..."
"okay." i rested my head on his shoulder. "wake me up when we get to our stop, k?"
"alright." he wrapped his arm around my waist.
i closed my eyes and slowly fell asleep.

***
***
***

"i miss him."
"me too." tracy said.
i lit a cigarette. "that's unfair, he was tryna be nice and shit and..."
"i know. it's shitty."
"i wonder how many of the songs are about me."
"i think all of them, in one form or another."
"that sucks."
"why?"
"songs like ghost boy, white tee, shame on u, u said. the sad, heartbroken ones."
"oh. makes sense." he checked his phone. "i gotta go, i'm sorry."
"it's okay, see you soon."
he left and i sighed, and kept puffing on my cigarette. the door opened and i rolled my eyes. "yo, tracy, what did you forget?"
"my ghost girl."
i stood up and looked at the door. "gus."
"hey baby."
i put my hand over my mouth and started sobbing. "you're awake."
"yeah, i am." he opened his arms.
i ran towards him and hugged him, burying my face in his chest. his arms wrapped around me. "gus, you..."
we fell onto the floor together, he kept one arm wrapped around me and his other arm moved. his hand cupped my face. "i missed you."
"you're okay."
"i heard the doctor, saying i might not live, and i heard you and momma crying, and... i couldn't do anything about it, and i'm here, and you're here, and i'm never leaving you again."
"you were stupid doing that." i mumbled.
"i needed to, you know that."
"i know. did you call liza?"
"not yet, i was gonna do that with you."
i grabbed my phone and called liza. "hi."
"hey, what's up?" she asked.
"not much, i mean..."
"hi momma." gus said.
"peepers!" she screamed. "you're okay, oh my god, okay i'm coming over." she ended the call.
gus laughed. "let's get off the ground, yeah?" he stood up and offered his hand to me. i took it and stood up. "give me a kiss."
i stood on my tip toes and kissed him. i melted into his arms and he smiled. his hands moved to my waist. "gus." i whispered.
"yeah?"
"i can't wait to marry you."
he looked at me and smiled. "me too."
i finally got to get a good look at gus. he was skinnier and more pale, he looked more like a skeleton. "can i... see?"
he nodded and sat on the couch. he pulled up the edge of his shorts. there was a large scar. i lightly traced my fingers over it. "you know, it's usually my hand on your thigh, not the other way around."
"shut up." i mumbled. i lifted the edge of his shirt up to expose his other scar. "does it hurt?"
"no, not really."
"you sure?" i touched his stomach.
"i'm sure." he laid his hand on top of mine. "i thought i was sleeping."
"you weren't."
"i know that now."
there was a knock on the door. "come in." i said.
liza raced in. "gus!"
"momma." he stood up.
she pulled him into a hug, kissing the top of his head. "peepers, god, i thought we lost you..."
"i know."
she looked at his face. "you were so stupid doing that! i understand you needed to, but you put yourself and lillian in so much danger! you got shot, for christ's sake! you were in a coma! i just don't understand what goes through your head sometimes."
"she was a teenage girl, the cop was threatening her." he said quietly. "i couldn't just leave her alone."
"i know."
he hugged her and buried his face in her neck. "i love you momma." he whispered, then sniffed. he was crying.
"gus, baby." she rubbed his back. "it's okay, you're okay now. i love you too."
"you and lily are the most important things in my life."
my heart jumped into my throat, he hadn't called me that since we were teenagers. the last time he did...i barely remember. "i know." she said. "i'm going to leave you and lillian alone, you guys deserve some time together. i love you." she kissed his head. "text me later, okay?"
"okay. i love you." he replied, and she left. he turned to me. "babygirl."
"yeah?"
"call tracy over while i'm asleep tomorrow morning. i wanna surprise him."
"okay."
he kissed my forehead. "mine."
"mhm." i whispered, barely able to get words out. i couldn't believe how much i missed him.
"you okay?"
"i'm fine."
"you're not, i know you." he sat on the couch, and i followed. "what's wrong?"
"when we found out how long..." i hesitated. "i went to tracy's and found his gun and almost pulled the trigger. ben found me and stopped me."
"why'd you do that?"
"i thought you wouldn't wake up."
"but i did."
"i thought you wouldn't."
he nodded, and laid down. i laid on top of him, with my face nuzzled into his neck. "i did."
"i know."
he wrapped his arm around my waist. "i would do anything for you, you know."
"i know."