Camp Alaya Series #2: Finding my Angel (Completed)

Chapter 23

I was devastated, I am still devastated. Imagine, the man who's been pursuing you for months, half a year, has been fooling you. Fool, Ari. Stupida, ni hindi ka naghinala sa tagal niyang nananatili doon. Ni hindi mo pinag-isipan ng masama.

Hindi ako umimik sa buong byahe pabalik sa Manila. Kira's been trying to start a conversation but I remained silent. I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I feel betrayed. They've been with me these past months amd they didn't even tell me anything. Yes, they've been warning me but that's not enough. I can't blame them though because I'm the one who didn't listen to their little hint.

Nang makarating sa tapat ng bahay namin ay walang salita akong lumabas ng kotse at pumasok doon ng hindi sila binibigyan ng kahit na saglit na tingin.

I might say something hurtful and might regret it the next day so, it's better to shut my mouth now. I don't want a fight with my friends. I just lost the man I love, I don't want to lose my friends too.

Tuyo na ang mga luha sa pisngi ko. I didn't bother fixing myself before laying on my bed. Maybe later, I just feel so tired right now, drained and...

... numb.

Gusto kong umiyak pero ayaw na ng mata ko. Napagod na siguro sa limang oras na paglalabas ng tubig. Mabuti na rin iyon, at least I look less miserable. Hmm, I guess.

I stared at the ceiling of my room while reminiscing our times together. Times na mabibilang lang sa mga daliri. I mean, we can double that.

I was happy, really. Kahit na ganoon ang set-up namin. Me in Manila and him in Camp Alaya. I was fine with that, ni minsan hindi ako nagreklamo, kasi tulad ng palagi kong sinasabi.. naiintindihan ko.

Hindi ako nagdemand, hindi ako nanghingi ng oras niya, ayos lang kung hindi siya bibisita, ayos lang kung hindi siya nagtetext, ayos lang kung hindi siya tatawag, ayos lang lahat iyon dahil kontento na ako. Kontento na ako na alam ko na mahal niya ako.

Pero mali pala ang pagkakaintindi ko, walang tumama na kahit isa. He's busy taking care of his...

I don't know what they are.. maybe lovers.

I was wrong, he's not busy with work. Hindi trabaho ang kahati ko sa oras niya, hindi trabaho ang priority niya kun'di si Hollie at ang magiging anak niya.

I feel guilty, kahit na hindi naman kami masyadong nagkakasama ni Calcius. I was fucking entertaining him while he's in a relationship. We were fucking intimate when we're together. We rarely kissed but still.

Wala akong pinagsisisihan. I like being with him, I love him. Pero nakaka-guilty pa rin pala. Iyong mga oras na ibinibigay niya sa akin na dapat ay nasa anak niya ay nakakabigat sa puso.

Mayroon pa ba ako no'n? Akala ko kinuha na niya.

I woke up with a heavy eyes, and heavy feelings. Nagising ako na nasasaktan pa rin. Why can't it go overnight? Nakakasakal, hindi ako makahinga. Mas masakit pa sa sakit ng puson ko kapag nagkakaroon. I used to think that that's the most hurtful thing that'll happen to me. Mali pa rin pala ako.

A call snapped me out on my own thoughts.

I just stared at it after seeing the callers ID. I have no plans of talking to him... not now.

Natatakot ako... alam ko kasing konting pagpapaawa lang ay bibigay na ulit ang puso ko. Pagmamay-ari na niya, e. Wala akong laban kapag ginusto siya. Kahit ayawan ng utak ko ay mahihirapan akong gawin iyon dahil mamatay ang puso ko kapag ginawa ko ang gusto ng utak.

I already did that. When we're in Camp Alaya. The time when he's pushing me away. Noong lumapit siya ay walang tanong ko siyang tinanggap. No explanation, just his mere presence.