Mind {Prose Vol. 2}✔

149th Poem: Grow Up, Black Girl (Pt. 5)

Back in elementary, they thought something was wrong.

your brain wasn't right, you didn't speak, so something must be up with the little geek

but you just weren't comfortable, you had just met a new class, you were scared

you were observing, seeing which friendships might last, 

you got comfortable, so you talked, apparently all throughout class

then the teacher got mad, you talk too much, just shut up, why're you talking so fast?

Grow up Black girl, grow up, grow up,you had to because there was your birthday month and you got moved up, moved up

you left the friends you finally made, scared again, quiet in the new class with the new faces

those kids were so big, you were still a tall shrimp, a whole new teacher, all new demeanors..

but you were still okay.

but then you were eight.

and your dad met that woman whose actions and words still stick to you and fill you with hate.

you got to high school and your mind just continued to race,

everything you left behind, you just felt so out of place

Grow up Black girl, grow up, grow up, 

you're in the next phase and life doesn't care if you feel like you're about to throw up

You started high school at thirteen, turned fourteen along the way,

you were scared, you were lost, you knew no one, you were alone

you left your friends of three years behind in middle school's dust,

a guy had just liked you too, and you actually liked him back,

but he was left in middle school a week before it ended,

some days you wish that you had just gone ahead and kissed him, but you chickened out,

got your award and then had to bounce, to a swim camp by yourself, two weeks, it was a mess

you hated it, every second, it was hard, you felt the sharp edges, 

but you made it to high school and everything was so different.

you left public for private and got thrown into the Catholic religion,

you knew some things but their teachings offered a whole new vision,

you had to wear a long skirt, and some shoes you weren't used to, 

had to find your way around the halls all alone, intimidated because there weren't people you were used to

you walked through those doors, scared as heck and stood there, watching all the girls, remembering

there are no boys here

but your main friends were guys, only about two were girls, you didn't know how to talk to them

you looked so meek when they all looked confident and grown into their bodies

but that's not the only change you faced- your dad decided to get married.

a month before your fourteenth, in 2015, he married that lady you had always thought was mean

she made you feel uneasy, you didn't like her presence, but if it would make him happy, 

you'd be gone eventually and you couldn't stop their marriage

there wasn't much to go off of, just a feeling you were getting, 

some days you still blame yourself for keeping it inside instead of just telling,

but years later you found out, he noticed your hesitation, he chose to go ahead anyway, 

that continued your jaded vision

a/n

Part five of a long, unedited poem series; probably around seven parts written 10:58pm-12:09am June/9-10/2020.