~Underneath the cold looking exterior is a young child with too much love and warmth that makes him vulnerable~
-Luna Svyatoyvich
My days have been breezing in with my new boring routine.
Wake
Baths
Eat
Online classes
Workouts
Reading
Movies
Games
Eat
Baths
Sleep
Wake
Eat
Bath
Online classes
Workouts
Reading
Movies
Games
Eat
Bath
Sleep
Wake...
Argh!!!
That's a very boring lifestyle. Sorry, introverts but I don't know how you do it but I just can't anymore
This new routine is eating my brains up and I'm going nuts! Who lives like this?
No excitement
No fun
No Adrenaline pumping activities
I want some damn action in my life. Sometimes, there is nothing left to do but think!
Argh! I need an actual life.
My father has indeed been busy lately, he has a study which he always locks himself in.
I wish we could have more father - daughter time, except having breakfast and dinner together, its like he has been avoiding me since he told me the whole story and thats over a week now.
I thought he said he was the party-type during his younger years, well, he has become pretty antisocial and cold, obviously.
Life really hit him hard but that doesn't mean he should no longer find pleasures in life.
My mind is made up, I'm going into his study and we would go out and have fun!
With all determination, I took giant strides towards his study and knocked on the door, saying
"eto ya" (its me)
"Zakhodi" (come in) he said
I walked into his study and it wasn't unexpected that it had the black theme design with a luxuriant looking couch at the side and a comfortable looking visitor's chair shitted opposite him with a table breaking the distance in between.
"Kak vy? Tebe chto-nibud' nuzhno?"(How're you? Do you need anything?) He asked.
"Ne sovsem, ya prosto khochu pogovorit's toboy" (Not really, I just want to talk to you) I answered as I stood beside the chair opposite him
"Okay, please sit, you don't have to wait for me to tell you to do so" my father said
I took my sit, cleared my throat and looked at my father who now dropped his pen and shifted the paper works.
"Why are you avoiding me, pops?" I blurted and I noticed his pupils dilate and contract.
Wait!
Did I just call him pops?
"I'm not avoiding you dear, whatever gave you that idea?" He asked
"Well... we don't talk much and you know we should... Be getting ... To know ea.. each other more" I said with a few stutters and I'm wondering where this timidity came from.
"Oh... I did not think you wanted that" he said in a low tone with his teeth biting on his lower lips in a split second.
"Why would you think that?" I asked, quite curious.
"Nothing... Really" he said after a while.
"That's not true. Just tell me... Was I nothing like you expected as a daughter?" I asked, that thought has been eating me up for a while now. With everyone leaving me, perhaps something was wrong with me and he has seen it too...
"What? No! No! You're perfect... More than I deserve" he voiced, awakening me from my short reverie.
"Really?" I asked with a slight change in my tone, my heart softened to hear that.
"Of course, You re everything I wanted and more, my perfect Koya... Why would you even think that?" he asked
"Well... I think that way sometimes... with everyone leaving my life and all, maybe something is wrong with me and you're trying to avoid me because you finally spotted the dent in me" I finished with a sigh and a twisted lip
"Dear, dear... That's not it at all, Nothing is wrong with you and anyone who leaves you doesn't deserve you. I agree I've been avoiding you and its not because you are a problem or anything." He paused, looked at me and then continued.
"I... I feel guilty..." He said silently but I could get the words.
"Guilty? Why?" I asked, totally surprised.
"I feel responsible for how your life is in danger, its all my fault. I shouldn't have sent Leonard to the deal that lead to the Lachkiv's capturing him and leading to his life being subjected to a wheelchair and that won't have turned him bitter to want me dead. Now, my sins are affecting you. I am not worthy to be a father... I destroy lives and I'm really scared that I'm doing that to you." He said, brushing his hair backwards and cupping his face in exasperation like he finally released something that has been burning his heart.
Hearing him say that was heartbreaking.
How could he feel guilty?
He never planned for anything like this to happen
And he doesn't destroy lives.
His enterprise has provided his nation with an employment oppprtunity.
He is one of the reasons Russia emits so much power, having being one among many with so much affluence and wealth, contributing to the nations economy.
He should really see himself from my point of view
He is the perfect father and business man anyone could ever ask for.
How could he feel guilty...?
I stood up, walked to him and hugged him
"Never ever believe that! You are an amazing father and stop feeling guilty About Mr Leonard... He is the bad guy here" I assured.
How can a 50 year old man think he is guilty of a situation he had no control over?
God! My heart breaks for him
Forget what you read about Mr Viktor Svyatoyvich in magazines and the internet, he ain't ruthless or cold.
He is more delicate and filled with so much warmth and his ruthless and cold persona is all a facade to hide his true self.
His true self is way vulnerable and i understand his need to shield himself.
"Can we go out?" I asked.
*****
If you're Russian or understand the language, please feel free to correct me if I wrote 'em wrong.
Peace Out✌🏾
-Ebere🖤
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Till 21: Selena's Story
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