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5- The Breakdown

Chapter 5

Tony's POV
Just as the Tik Tok finished, I grabbed my phone from the coffee table to watch what I had just recorded. When I turned to show Nick, he had a look on his face. It seemed like a cross between fear and helplessness. I can't believe I had just made him that uncomfortable. I've known him for all of 4 hours and he probably already hates me. Shit. I quickly remove my arm from around his shoulders, not knowing what to do.
"Nick i-" I said to him. Before I could finish my apology, he had jumped up and started running up the stairs. I also started to get up, hoping I could get a word in. Before I could, Thomas put his hand on my shoulder, and pulled me down to sit back on the couch.
"Dude, just give him a minute. I've never seen him so embarrassed in my life." He told me.
"Embarrassed? Why would he be embarrassed? If anything I should be because I made him uncomfortable." I said back to Thomas. I just don't understand what exactly happened. What did I do?
"I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. Nick's an interesting kid, and he's hard to crack. I haven't even figured him out yet. But he's got Ryland who does understand him, so he's definitely not alone." Thomas said.
That's relieving and good to know, but I still don't know why he got all flustered and red. Until Thomas spoke up again.
"Oh and by the way, he's gay. The house knows but the fans don't." He blurted out. I'm not too sure why, but it kind of took me aback. I've never had a gay friend before so maybe that's why.
"Oh okay, cool."

Nick's POV
I just made a complete fool of myself in front of Tony! I can't even act like a normal human being around him. Since he's straight, the least I can do is be his friend. But of course, I can't control myself. God why do I have to be so freaking stupid. Suddenly, a feeling of panic shivered up my spine. It wasn't long until I dropped completely to my knees and started crying. I should be trying to suppress these feelings, like any other guy, but they always show up and it pisses me off.
After ten minutes, i would usually be able to stop crying, but it's almost like it's gotten worse. My throat feels completely shut and I can't breathe. I grab my phone as fast as I can so I can text Ryland. He's around me most of the time, just in case these things happen. Of course the only time he's not here, is when it gets 100 times worse.

Ryland
help
With what?
Read

Nick?
Read

Are you in your room?!
Read

I kept hearing my phone go off, but I had dropped it and I had no idea where it was. I was already dizzy and the tears completely clouded my vision. I just hoped for Ryland to get here as soon as possible.

Ryland's POV
I was downstairs in the movie room watching Jaws with Ondreaz when I got a text from Nick.
"Oh shit."
I told Ondreaz we could finish the film later, but right now I just had to find Nick. I ran up to the main foyer where I found Tony and Thomas sitting there.
"Guys!! Where's Nick?! I just got a text from him saying 'help' and he's not answering me anymore!" I yelled at them. More specifically at Tony, though. I could see how Nick was looking at him earlier, so it wouldn't surprise me if this had something to do with him.
"Well, he got kinda embarrassed when I was teasing him and then he ran up to his room." Tony said. I don't know what Tony said to Nick but I didn't care at the moment. Nick needed me.
"I'll get to you later, Lopez." I said to him.
I sprinted up the stairs, almost falling quite a few times. When I got to Nick's room, I didn't even bother knocking this time, he was in trouble. I opened the door to see Nick sitting in a ball on the floor by his bed. His face was soaked with tears and he was shaking more than I could ever imagine. I ran to his place on the ground and just grabbed him. Some people don't like to be touched when they're having a panic attack, but Nick needed to be hugged or cuddled, it made him feel loved. After a few moments of my arms being around him, I picked him up and laid him gently on his bed.
"Nicky, Nicky just breathe. Like how we practiced? In for 4, hold for 4, and out for 4." I said softly.
Although I was also scared, I couldn't let him see that, since it would only make him more anxious. His breaths were so heavy, like there was no oxygen left in the air. I grabbed his hands, helping him feel grounded. After five more minutes, his breathing started to slow down slightly, and he seemed like he was a little more stable.
"Nicky, I need to go get you water. You're probably so dehydrated." I told him.
"N-no. I n-need you. P-please st-tay." He responded. I couldn't just leave him, but I knew someone who could help.
"KOUVR!!" I screamed, hoping it would go through the house to wherever she was.
"Shh please Ry." Nick whispered to me.
"Sorry Nicky." I did feel bad, but he'd feel worse if she didn't show up. Just then, Kouvr stuck her head in the door.
"Yep?" She said. Once she saw Nick's state, her face dropped. She's always been like a mother to all of us. Partly out of need, because we're a bunch of stupid kids living together, but also because that's just the kind of person she is.
"Nick! What's going on?!" She said scared. Scared for Nick. Before Nick could mention anything or anyone, I needed Kouvr to get some things.
"Kouvr I need you to go grab a couple bottles of water and-"
"And a warm wash cloth. Got it." She said, finishing my sentence. This is exactly why I called her.
"Ryland. He-" Is all Nick could get out before he bursted into tears again. Whatever Tony said or did, I'm going to murder him for it. I didn't know what to do anymore to help Nick. None of his panic attacks have ever lasted this long. Wait. He wasn't holding his teddy. I reached to the other side of his bed and grabbed his favourite teddybear, Theodore.
"Hey Nicky, I think I know how to make you feel better." He looked up at me with sad eyes, like he had given up on the idea of feeling better. But what he didn't know, is that I had Theo behind my back. When I showed Nick his bear, he lurched forward to grab him and laid back down to cuddle it.
"Is he helping?" I asked Nick.
"Yea. Thanks." He responded.
Just then, Kouvr came back into the room with the things I had asked her for.
"Hey sorry I took so long. I had to grab some Advil too. You're probably going to get a headache from all the crying. I'll leave you guys to it. Alex and I are gonna stay in Calvin and Patty's room for tonight, so if you need me, I'm only a door over. Good night guys." She quickly kissed Nick on the forehead, then she was on her way.
"Nicky, do you wanna talk about what happened?" I asked him. I was dying to know who or what made him panic like this, but i couldn't force it out of him.
"I did it. I got embarrassed over the smallest thing. I think I like Tony and I just can't function properly around him." He told me. I was kind of confused, because that seemed like a pretty small think considering how big the attack was.
"Is that all?" I asked.
"No..." He responded. He looked so drained, just stripped of all of his emotions. He sort of resembled a ghost.
"It's just...I have all of these feelings. I want to be able to share them. You can walk around with any girl you want and you won't be stared at. But if I ever like a guy and we date, I could ruin my entire career. What Tony did just reminded me that I'll never be able to properly love or be properly loved." He told me. I was taken aback. I guess I never thought of it like that.
"Nicky, I don't think you would ruin your career. There are millions of people who support you. The house supports you. I support you. I think it's time to let the world know who you really are." I told him. It was true.

Nick's POV
I hated to admit it, but Ryland was right. The only way these attacks would stop, is if I address the issue head on. I have to accept the fact that coming out publicly is my best option right now.

A/N- Hey everyone! I'm so sorry for how long this took, but I just wanted it to be perfect!! I should be updating more often now!!