Dear, Miss Violet. ✔

Chapter 37

Simon's heart stopped racing. His mind stopped functioning. And he was pretty sure that his soul was burning.

With unfulfilled desire and need.

He pulled back a little. 

What was she saying? That she loved him? 

Simon Siddell, had always dreamed of those words coming out of Violet's mouth, but never had he dared imagine it for more than mere moments.

Because he knew that he had no place loving her.

He did not deserve her at all. He knew that if he married her, he'd just put her life in danger.

And all the time, a small voice at the back of his mind kept reminding him that he had to push her away, just so he could save her later. But, she looked so adorable, so enticing in that yellow gown, that he wanted to pull her in his arms and make her his.

When she'd touched his lip for the first time, a fire had flared in him, and it took all ounce of his might to not crush her and possess her. 

When she'd talked about Sir Richard, he'd been surprised that she had an older brother who had died a long time ago, but at the same time he wanted to embrace her and make her feel good. She'd looked so heartbroken, and when she had narrated her feelings and incidents about his death, her voice had sounded so glum, so broken and so clipped, that he was unable to believe that his Violet had been through so much without confiding in anyone.

He wanted Violet. In a way, in a manner, in a need that was purely incomprehensible and out of order.

He knew that he was just putting her life in danger, by so much as to even touching her, because that need escalated quickly, but she was intoxicating. And he was unable to control his needs.

Every person, every man specifically, had needs.

And when a beautiful, charming and sweet woman like Violet tempted a man, desire went beyond propriety. And he wasn't such a stickler for propriety, that he could push her away and draw a line.

He had needs, hell he had been a rake once. And he needed her.

The way she touched his face, the way she caressed his cheek, the way she mussed his hair up a little bit- it was too much. Too much to bear. Too much to control.

He had to part ways with her, and tell her that she was accepting danger by being with him. He really had to. It was the only way she could stay safe.

But he could not bring himself to do that. Probably for once, he needed her. Maybe he could tell her in a few days. Till then he could himself have a little piece of her heart. Just a little, and then disappear from her life.

Because he needed to feel her. She was like water to him. She had the power to nourish him and make him feel alive. And he needed to stay alive, he needed the nourishment. 

Because he was a parched man. Thirsty for love. And he wanted that love, that he'd so desired for a long time now. 

And he'd bloody well have it. At least for some time.

"Simon?" she whispered.

God, he was dying to tell her how much he loved her..

"Violet-"

"Shh" she said, placing her hand over his mouth "don't say anything, your eyes give you away."

Saying this, she smiled a smile so bright, that it broke his heart. She kept her head on his chest and murmured "you make me feel alive."

He stroked her hair and chuckled "sweetheart, you yourself are the life of London."

Violet lifted and inclined her head and twisted her mouth, as she looked at him "don't cut me.."

"Oh, really?" he teased "I very much enjoy doing so."

"You do, don't you?" she laughed, batting his arm playfully "by the by, I think it's time to leave, now."

Simon frowned "really, I don't want you to go."

Violet simpered and then got up, hauling Simon's arm "I know. I am dying to be with you too. But an unmarried genteel woman should never stay with a bachelor for too long in the London society. You do know that gossips spread like wildfire here, don't you?"
She put back on her stockings and sandals and with her hands on her hips, frowned down at him.
Simon heaved a sigh and brushed some grass off his breeches as he finally got up "rumors be damned."

Violet laughed, reaching forward and giving him a peck on his cheek "probably for you, but not for me."

Simon smiled "alright. I assume I can meet you today at Lord Benedict's musicale?"
She frowned "there is one today?"
He nodded "Benedict is a friend of mine from the university. His sister is, I suppose, getting married in a few months. So Benedict has kept a musicale today, as a celebration, because apparently his sister is too fond of Mozart's work. I've heard, the musicians will be coming in from France to perform."

"Oh! Yes I remember. A few days ago, mother was talking about going to a musicale. Wasn't aware that it was due today."

Simon shrugged "so I hope to see you?"
"Yes. I'm not too fond of music, but with you there, it will be quite entertaining."

Simon slapped his hand to his chest with great drama "OH! my lady you wound me. Are you using me for your own entertainment purposes?"

Violet laughed "oh stop!"

They shared a few moments before Simon seated her in his carriage "I'll miss you."

Violet blushed "you'll get to see me tonight."

"I'm eagerly waiting."

"So am I."

Saying this, the carriage rolled away until it was out of view and the warmth in Simon's heart started opening it's wings and spreading the glow all across his body until he was sure that no happiness in the world could even manage to equate the sheer mirth he felt within his soul.